Police (Off)Beat | There's fake gold in them thar hills

There's fake gold in them thar Dalton hills, where police say a man swindled a jeweler out of $6,900. The jewelry tested as 24K gold when originally tested, but when the businessman went to an ATM to get cash, the suspect did the ol' switcheroo and sold the jeweler impressive fakes.
An "obnoxious" bar patron on Martin Luther King Drive in Atlanta was so intoxicated he couldn't fish his wallet out of his pants to pay his bar tab. A police officer called to the scene took a $100 bill from the man's wallet and gave the man his change. The stumbling man began to hurl racial epithets, saying "This little [bleep] boy is stealing my money." He was given a free night's stay in jail.
The driver of a Mitsubishi Mirage with two flat tires reached speeds of up to 20 mph, Atlanta police reported, in a slow-speed chase down Charles Allen Drive. The driver stopped after hitting a car and police found a partially-consumed jug of wine riding shotgun.
A husband and wife in the lobby of the Marriott hotel on Windward Parkway were intoxicated and "unable to make sense," according to Alpharetta police. The man asked a clerk to call him a cab because they'd been dropped off at the wrong hotel. A police officer asked the man why he wasn't wearing a shirt, and he said he'd been robbed of his clothes. After yelling racial slurs he was arrested. Surveillance video showed the man handing his shirt to someone he hugged on the street.
A Norcross woman told police an intoxicated male acquaintance came to her home and asked to borrow some money. She said she only had enough to pay her rent. He slapped her and took $600 from her purse. She told police she was afraid to report the crime because the man said he has "a large family if something happens to him."
A woman told Georgia Tech and Atlanta police a man ran by her and slapped her face outside the Palomar Hotel near 5th and Peachtree.
The early bird gets the huge refund: An Atlanta man paid a company to file his personal income taxes for 2010, but was told someone else had already used his Social Security number.
A Gwinnett woman told police her CPA, who usually prepares her taxes, deposited her refund check into his account. The IRS told the woman the refund went to a different account than she requested.
A man working on Howell Mill Road told police a co-worker called him and threatened to "kick his [bleep]" when he got to work. When the man arrived, the co-worker was dancing around the parking lot in a classic "put up your dukes" fashion. Police learned the prospective pugilist was PO'd because the non-combatant had, the day before, put a nail gun to his head and pulled the trigger, which created a big noise, but no nail.
As soon as the bartender at Taco Mac in Alpharetta let a prospective patron use his iPhone, the man fled the premises like O.J. Simpson in a Hertz commercial. He was last seen driving a white Ford Bronco.
A Cobb County woman on Hamby Road told police that while she spoke with a man posing as an employee of "the power company" someone else slipped into her home and stole her credit cards and other items.
At least two teachers in Kennesaw are missing their cellphones. Tomorrow's lesson? Lock your desk.