Thanksgiving at Tim and Barbara Exley’s home won’t look all that different from that of thousands of other metro Atlantans.
Today, the Roswell couple will break bread with 20 or more family members and friends eager to celebrate and give thanks for all that has been ushered into their lives.
There is, however, one exception. For the Exleys, living thankfully is a daily choice — not just a holiday to be celebrated once a year.
Indeed living with gratitude is becoming a way of life for some Americans who make a conscious decision to give thanks in all things.
For the Exleys, living thankfully came down to being an example for their two children, now both adults.
“We always taught them that to whom much is given, much is expected,” Barbara Exley said. “For us that is part of being thankful.”
In spring 2006, the Exleys decided to downsize and devote more of their resources to serving others.
By fall, they had sold their 4,500-square-foot dream home on St. Simons Island and moved to a more modest one in Roswell, where they started a new phase in their lives.
Today, the couple tries to “be the change they want to see in the world,” volunteering at home and abroad.
“Whether I am standing with the persecuted church in Iran or helping with a medical clinic in India or being nice to the cranky clerk in a store,” said Barbara, 56, “even that makes the difference.”
Is it possible to truly live with a spirit of thanksgiving everyday?
“Of course it’s possible,” said Sue Thompson, an author and clinical psychologist in Wilmington, Del.
“One of the most powerful and well-studied interventions to increase happiness is to practice gratitude daily,” Thompson said.
Acts of gratitude, experts say, not only make us feel good, they strengthen our ties to other people.
That has been the case for the Exleys.
“Our travel to serve abroad gave us a worldview of life,” Barbara Exley said. “Seeing how difficult and unfair daily life is for so many here and abroad increases our thankfulness and resolve to continue to give back.”
Todd Kashdan, a psychology professor at George Mason University, says being thankful keeps us mindful that the world is a benevolent, compassionate place.
“When we are upset, we can easily remember those moments and those people that provided gifts to us,” Kashdan said. “The more we think about the people that benefit us, the stronger this connection is in our brain, the easier positive memories are to recall and the easier it becomes to boost our mood during trying times.”
When Chelsea Eubank’s father died suddenly Nov. 7, 2005, while she was talking to him on the phone, Eubank said she knew it was God who’d given her those final seconds with him.
“I was driving home from Alpharetta to east Cobb that night when I had this urge to call him,” Eubank recalled.
Rick Eubank picked up the phone.
“I said ‘hey,’ and that was it,” she said.
The next voice Chelsea Eubank heard was her grandmother telling her to hang up. She needed to call 911.
By the time she arrived home, her father was dead.
“That night I said to my mom what a miracle it was that God gave me a sign to call him so he could hear my voice,” she said.
That moment, Eubank said, was one in a series that made her hold fast to the biblical teachings passed on to her as a child, including to be content in all situations.
The 24-year-old Buckhead resident had learning disabilities as a child and said doctors told her that she would never finish high school or attend college.
“I’ve always tried to be grateful, but once my dad passed away that’s when I knew it should become a way of life,” she said.
Last year, Eubank graduated with a degree in liberal studies from Beacon College, a four-year accredited learning disability school. She has since founded Faithful Fish, a clothing line that promotes positive values. A portion of the proceeds go to Compassion International’s water charity, which provides clean water pumps to Third World countries.
According to George Mason psychologist Kashdan, people who live a life of gratitude have a higher sense of empathy and compassion for other people, are less aggressive in response to injuries and insults by others and are better friends, lovers and co-workers because of their concern for others.
To live thankfully, Thompson suggests making a note of three things you’re grateful for each night before going to sleep.
“They don’t have to be big,” she said. “I often note I’m grateful for a warm bed in the winter and a cool house in the summer, that I don’t have to use public transportation — but I’m grateful it’s there if I need it — that I can pay my mortgage this month.”
Thompson calls this the Bing Crosby school of gratitude, based on his “Count your Blessings” duet with Rosemary Clooney in the movie “White Christmas.”
“The lyrics say ‘When you’re worried and you can’t sleep, try counting your blessings instead of sheep and you’ll fall asleep counting your blessings.”
“The truth is this is more than just a platitude,” said Thompson, “but a way to increase one’s awareness of the good things one has instead of focusing purely on the bad.”
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5 tips for living with gratitude
1 - Focus on the giver behind the gift. Be mindful of the person who helps you get to where you are in life.
2 - Elaborate on benefits. The more you focus on what you gain from other people, the easier it is to retrieve those memories and develop a more agreeable personality.
3 - Encourage expression of gratitude. Show that you are grateful through words and deeds. This allows others to see what they mean to us and increases the likelihood they will be kind on another occasion.
4 - Increase your range of gratitude. Go beyond people, and learn to appreciate sunsets and butterflies. Focus on the beauty of nature and the other gifts that are there on a daily basis.
5 - Avoid looking at gifts as obligations. Some people view gifts as a favor that needs to be returned. Instead, look at gifts as an end in themselves.
Source: Todd Kashdan, a psychology professor at George Mason University
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