Anxiety afflicts most children going back to school: Some advice for parents

Last year, our bright, friendly little girl met her teacher for the first time on the Thursday night before school started.

This young lady was in pre-K and had never been to “big school” before. She loved the classroom and toys and connected quickly with the teacher. She was so excited to take the next steps and be a big girl!

The first day, she chose her outfit with care and danced in her seat the whole way to school. But what she found was so different from Meet the Teacher night. There were so many kids, and so much movement and … so … much … noise.

She began to be afraid and experienced a long journey with a lot of help and support before she was able to be confident and comfortable at school.

Parents should listen and seek to understand first

This story is in no way unique, though the details may differ from child to child.

Credit: Thriveworks

Andrea Brock Andrea Brock is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in stress, self-esteem and coping skills.

According to a 2023 study conducted by Nemour’s Children’s Health, up to 64% of children worry about school, and more than half feel adults don’t understand.

There are several primary reasons for anxiety, including separation anxiety, academic performance stress, fears of bullying and heightened concern around school shootings, to name a few. Many parents feel frustrated or out of their depth managing these challenges, especially as compared to their own daily stresses.

It is important to understand what is happening before we try to fix it. When anxiety happens, the nervous system gets kicked into high gear and our bodies respond with adrenaline.

This extra energy needs to have an outlet, or it can easily fuel anxious feelings, thoughts and behaviors. Offering physical activity, such as jumping jacks, dancing or even just a short walk, is a way to calm the body before trying to discuss the fears.

If movement is not enough, engage the sense of touch by encouraging the child to hold, pet or squeeze an object, or have them drink cold water or splash some on their face.

Once the body is calm, it’s time to address the anxious thoughts. Children and teens overwhelmingly feel that parents do not listen to them.

As parents, we need to engage in active listening: staying silent and paying attention to the message the child is giving, rather than listening to try to answer them or “fix” the issue. Feeling heard and understood engages the reward center of the brain, leading to improved feelings of safety and confidence.

Therapy can aid a family’s efforts to reduce a child’s anxiety

Some anxieties need a different approach, such as fears of bullying or school shootings. These threaten the physical well-being of the person and cause correspondingly larger anxiety responses.

To decrease anxiety, ensure the child is actively safe: Check the surroundings, follow up on their reports with teachers and administrators and generally show them you take their concerns seriously.

Once safety is established, discuss plans of action and structured ways to stay safe. Giving specific solutions, such as planning how to handle different situations in different areas of the school, can provide a child or adolescent with a much-needed sense of control.

A mental health therapist can be helpful if anxiety is causing distress in the family, disruption in learning, behavioral challenges at home or school or even just to create a space for intentional comfort.