Oh yes, I did.
Does it count that my intentions were good, as a clearly pregnant woman and her husband sat next to me on a long cross country flight last week?
I got up from my aisle seat so that they could make it to their seats in the middle and by the window.
āYouāll probably have to use the bathroom several times during the flight,ā I offered, āso, just let me know and Iāll let you out,ā I said to the woman who I was so sure was about 2 months from giving birth.
āOK,ā she replied a bit hesitant. āI did go before I got on the plane, so I should be fine.ā
Looking back, I mightāve picked up on the cue of her facial expression that she thought it odd I was so invested in her bathroom routine.
I did not.
No, instead, I kept on.
āHow long do you have?ā I asked expressing my enthusiasm for her bundle of joy.
āHow long for what?ā she asked, looking confused.
That was the moment. Gulp. Slam on the brakes. Cue the sound of the record screeching.
Yes, that was the moment I realized I had done what I thought Iād never do. I asked a non-pregnant woman when her baby was due.
Maybe youāve been there? Asked the same question? Or offered up an equally inappropriate or offensive comment, not realizing what youāve done until the words left your mouth?
Itās the challenge of what to do when youāve released words you can never give back. When you mistakenly click āsendā on a vitriolic email you never meant to leave your computer screen. When you gossip about someone via text message only to later realize you texted the person you were talking about.
How do you take words back once theyāve been sent?
In this case, my first brilliant immediate thought was to change course, maybe my new neighbor wouldnāt realize what I had put out there?
āSo, where you traveling today?ā I attempted to ask breezily.
No dice. This interaction was heading for a crash landing at warped speed.
āOh, this?ā she said pointing to her belly. āThis is not a baby. This is from too much food.ā
She wrapped her arms around her stomach and leaned over to her husband, I swear I saw her mouth the words, āThat awful woman next to me just asked me when my baby is due.ā
She stayed leaning like that for the rest of the four-hour flight, back to me not saying a word. I donāt blame her. Truly, I wished I couldāve put myself in time out for being so dumb and crawled under the seat in front of me, shoved myself down there like an extra carry-on bag. No such luck as that, not with the way coach seats are configured these days. Weāre all packed in there like sardines. Thereās no going anywhere. No running from our mistakes.
Youād think Iād learned my lesson.
Youād think wrong.
There I was in the grocery store parking lot the other day when a little boy, Iād say about 4, came walking along with this mother. Even though it was a couple weeks past Halloween, he was sporting his costume.
āLet me see that,ā I exclaimed. āYou are the scariest alligator Iāve seen all day!ā
āIām a dinosaur, not an alligator!ā he roared back at me. I honestly think he was more offended than the non-pregnant lady who now hates me.
This one felt a bit easier to wiggle out of. āWell, turn around,ā I said. āThere you have it! I didnāt see your thick tail and scales down your back when you were walking toward me. No doubt about it, you are a dinosaur.ā
He grunted and walked past this crazy lady holding his motherās hand. Iām so glad those werenāt real dinosaur teeth in the hood of his costume.
By the way, I did see the non-pregnant lady from behind as well as she took me up on my offer to go to the restroom. I noticed she was wearing one of those tops with the two ties that meet as a bow in the back.
āClassic maternity wear,ā I mightāve said helping to explain my earlier clueless remark. This one time, at least, I did what can be hardest of all. I kept my words to myself.
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