Because of Christmas, Brian Jackson’s new year will be different.
After nearly a decade without his daughter Ambrianna in his life, father and daughter spent their first Christmas together last week. Had it not been for Torri Evans-Barton's the Fatherless Generation, it might not have happened.
Evans-Barton, now 45, met her father for the first time in 2005. She was 31 years old.
As she got to know him, it occurred to her there were others like her who needed to have that experience. She remembered Luke 1:17: “And he shall go before him in the spirit and power of Elias, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children …” and knew she would spend the rest of her life reconnecting children with their estranged fathers.
Her work began in 2008, helping single mothers stay in their homes. It didn’t take long before she realized the real work was with their children, many of whom shared their hearts with her.
I want my dad, they kept telling her.
Two years later in October 2010, she officially launched the Fatherless Generation Foundation to reunite children with their dads. The foundation also provides services and resources to help support families and spark conversations about the importance of both parents in their children’s lives.
“So many of our children are broken because they don’t have their fathers,” Evans-Barton said. “Our work is to help build them up and let them know that this is just part of their journey. It doesn’t have to determine the outcome of their lives.”
The foundation does that by giving kids the tools to express their emotions and then begin to heal the pain they feel.
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In 2015, the foundation started the Commitment to Fatherhood reunification program and in the four years since has reunited 3,211 children with their fathers.
They do not stop there.
“The finish line is not just custody, it’s the work dads do through our Fatherhood program to help them get the therapy they need to maintain the relationship for the long haul,” Evans-Barton said.
If, for some reason, you don’t understand how important that is, fatherlessness during childhood has become a major part of American life. Why? Divorce and the rising number of children born outside marriage.
Credit: The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Credit: The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
According to the Pew Research Center, more than 1 in 4 fathers in the United States who have children 18 or younger now live apart from their children.
What’s really troubling about that is moms, in many cases, are to blame.
Experts call it the malicious parent syndrome. That’s not a mental illness. It’s mean vindictiveness that occurs when a divorced or divorcing parent does everything in their power to punish the other parent, sometimes going as far as to deprive their children time purely to make the other parent look bad.
Are fathers just as capable of this behavior? They are but moms are chief, according to noted psychologist Dr. Ira Turkat. Either way, this, save physical or psychological abuse, is just wrong, wrong, wrong.
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After just two years of marriage, Jackson, a Navy veteran and caseworker for the state Division of Family and Children Services, said his ex-wife announced she and Ambrianna, now 11, were going to visit her mom in Florida and never returned.
That was in 2012 and the start of years of legal wrangling just to see his daughter.
“There was a big void,” he said. “I couldn’t even talk to her unless her mom felt it was OK.”
Four years later, one day while driving along I-285, he heard about the foundation in a Rickey Smiley radio interview with Evans-Barton. Jackson, 35, pulled over and recorded the contact information.
One conversation with Evans-Barton, and things started to change in his favor.
“Take a deep breath,” Evans-Barton told him. “I got you.”
The foundation secured him a pro-bono attorney. In April, just as his divorce was being finalized, Jackson was awarded joint legal and physical custody of his daughter.
“I was in shock,” Jackson said. “I was so used to not winning, not getting the time to spend with her, once the reality set in, I could finally take a deep breath. It had been a long time coming, a long time coming.”
And Christmas? Well, they celebrated at Disney of all places. Imagine that.
Without the foundation, Jackson said it would not have been possible. Because of the foundation, the new year will be different.
And not just for Jackson, but hundreds of other estranged dads.
“There’s hope,” Evans-Barton said, smiling.
Yes, thanks to her and the foundation, there is.
Find Gracie on Facebook (www.facebook.com/graciestaplesajc/) and Twitter (@GStaples_AJC) or email her at gstaples@ajc.com.
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