The video is so hard to watch.
I should probably clarify, since there are so many videos on social media that are hard to watch these days.
I'm talking about the video where a Georgia mother is "disciplining" her teenager for apparently posting inappropriate pictures of herself and a boy. I put quote marks around "disciplining," since I guess that's what the mother thought she was doing.
I didn't see the pictures the girl posted, but what I did see in that video was a mother who was raised the same way. She got that from someone, somewhere. It was clearly learned behavior. You can click here to watch the video on YouTube, but we have to warn you that it's so disturbing we didn't want to post it on this site.
I believe in discipline.
I believe that in my house, my child doesn’t have the freedom to do whatever she wants to do until she’s an adult.
I believe a child should be given consequences for poor decisions and inappropriate behavior.
I also believe in spanking, when it’s necessary. Sometimes, for behavior beyond what is acceptable, it is the only consequence that works.
Does it always work? No. Does anything?
But there is a clear line— not a fine line, but a very clear line — between appropriate discipline, spanking, and what I believe I saw in that video.
At the start of the video my brow wrinkles. A minute in, I cover my mouth with my hand. Another minute in, and I feel sick to my stomach. This is so sad, I think.
She’s not disciplining her child; she’s beating her down.
As an adoptive parent, I had to go through training classes most parents don’t get. Training on appropriate discipline, on how to practice your best parenting in trying times, on parental life skills.I believe this training should be required for all parents.
The mom I saw in that video needs her own help. Hearing her curse her daughter out and seeing her throw punches in her child's face was sickening.
That was no spanking. That was a beat down.
And don’t give me any crap about how it’s a culture thing, or a poverty thing, or an age thing. So what if she's African-American. So what if she looks like a young mother. And I’m not even going to begin to presume anything about her income. But I saw social media responses to the video that seemed to suggest people thought the mother was doing this because she was poor and didn’t know any better. How the heck people made that leap in judgment, I have no idea.
Some of the responders actually said it was OK, but the mom shouldn’t have recorded it. So that makes it right? Really? Those people need help, too.
As a new mom, I’ve read a lot about the best ways to discipline a child. I’m a member of various Facebook groups where the issue is discussed at least once a week.
Some parents don’t discipline their children at all. I once had a mom ask me what I thought would happen if I just let my child behave badly and “ignored” the behavior. Hmmm ... interesting, but no thanks.
There’s the crowd of people who were spanked and say they turned out OK. And there’s the crowd who believes parents should go to jail for spanking or anything like it. And, of course, there’s that lukewarm crowd. I think those are the ones who do it but would never admit to it.
Before my adoption was final, I couldn’t so much as lightly pop my child on the hand. I’d signed forms that clearly stated that as long as she was still technically in foster care I had to abide by someone else’s discipline rules. I didn’t suddenly change after the adoption was final either.
The first time I spanked my daughter (post adoption finalization) she was 3. By "spanked," I mean I popped her on the butt more than once with my open hand. It was after I got a report from school that she’d spit in a teacher’s face and threw things at her teacher. Not because she was angry or hurt, but because she couldn’t do what she wanted to do at the time.
It was willful. She knew what she’d done, owned up to it and was darn near proud of the behavior. She’d crossed a line. I believe that if you let a child get away with spitting in the face of an adult at age 3, they’ll do that or worse as a teenager. I had to nip that in the bud right away, because if I didn’t someone else would. I would not be happy about that at all.
Hell, I was spanked. Not just with a hand, either. My father used what’s known in the African-American culture as the afro pic — a thick black comb with a fist at the end of it.
I’m not confessing this for a pity party. I am grateful to my parents for their firm hand at discipline. But that is what it was — discipline. My parents never beat me, but I certainly got my share of whoopins.
There’s also an age for spanking. By the time I was a teenager there were no more spankings or whoopins, but there were some very serious conversations that I’ll never forget. There was knowing that I’d disappointed my parents. One talk was all it took as a teen.
The morning after the video of the Georgia mom went viral, the question on the morning gospel radio program I listen to was: How far is too far in disciplining your child?
To that mother in the video, I would say "too far" is putting it lightly. I hope she gets some help.
If you are a parent struggling with discipline, I urge you to reach out to another mother, a family member or pastoral advisor for help privately. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. There are a lot of books and everyone is an expert it seems. We all have our moments as parents when we think we are going to lose it and we beat ourselves up for doing it all wrong. That’s what parenting is all about. That’s my story!
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