Dear Lisa,
I just had my fifth miserable first date in the last few months.
I met a man who is 49 like me and lives in a nearby suburb. After emailing a couple of times, he asked me to meet him at a fancy restaurant. I assumed he wanted to meet for dinner because he listed an income of 100-150K ... he works as an investor and he listed fine dining as one of his interests.
I got there on time, in a nice dress with jewelry ... looking quite nice. He was not there yet, so I went to the ladies room to freshen up. When I got back, the hostess said he was out on the patio. We ordered wine but he must have told the waiter that we weren't going to order any food because the waiter kept bringing food to the nearby tables but never gave me a menu or asked me if I wanted to order.
During our date, I found out his son had moved back in with him along with his son's wife and 2 toddlers. Then I asked about his other children and found out his daughter was still living with him as well!
He was not very warm or caring and seemed to be rather detached and distracted while I was there.
I'm beginning to wonder if there are any kind, caring men available at my age anymore?
Nance
Nance,
YES! ...There are lots of kind, caring men who would love to be in a relationship with you at this age!
Let's start with taking a look at why you are choosing the men you date.
Are there certain qualities you are looking for in a man?
Would you be willing to venture "outside the box" of your usual type and date someone with qualities slightly different from the men you might have dated in the past?
Usually when you get the same dating results over and over again, it means you are dating the same type of man who just doesn't work for you anymore.
Start slow and try dating someone different from your usual type.
Change just one quality about the men you date whether it's his income, religion, political views, looks or something else.
Sometimes, this is all you need to open the doors to more available good men to date you might not have seen before!
One last point, it's often worth investing 15-30 minutes of your time to talk with a man on the phone before you agree to meet.
It will give you the opportunity to screen his personality a bit more thoroughly than you can in emails.
Dear Lisa,
I've been talking with a really nice man on the phone every night for about 2 weeks. We can talk for hours and we have so much fun laughing and sharing our day and our lives. But, he hasn't asked me out ... what should I do?
Jody
Jody,
This type of man is what I call a Phone Pal.
He'll call you every night, yacking your ear off with stories about his day.
He'll tell you nice things, maybe even fall asleep because he's so relaxed but he never asks you out.
This is NOT ACCEPTABLE. STOP letting him use you this way.
If you like this man ... tell him you'd like to meet the man whose voice you've gotten to know every night.
If he doesn't take the hint ... no matter how great you think he is ... it's time to stop talking to him.
A phone relationship is a fantasy dating relationship.
It's pretty easy to emotionally connect to a man when you talk on the phone every night.
You end up sharing way too much about yourself because you have a connection and he feels safe to share your secrets with.
When you do meet and your personalities don't click the way they did on the phone, you end up feeling embarrassed that a man you don't even like knows so much about you.
Lisa Copeland, "The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier after 50!" Find out more at Findaqualityman.com
(c)2016 Lisa Copeland, findaqualityman.com.
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