Let’s empower more families to ‘yes’ to children in need

Yes, we made it.

Yes, DeQuan Lawrence, you’re a high school graduate.

And, yes, it was a privilege to be present on your graduation day, when a family’s pride and optimism are beyond measure.

And, yes, I'm proud to say I was there to witness that moment for you when high school ends and adult life begins. When persistence and promise are validated. That moment when all things are possible.

For my family, this graduation brought full circle a season of “yes” that began five years ago. In the summer of 2011 a relative asked if we could take temporary custody of her 13-year-old son. We said yes. Without hesitation.

We understood that she had arrived at an important point in her life. She admitted she was an addict who needed help to put her life back together. Desperate for change and determined to do the right thing, she needed a yes from us to start the road to recovery. So my wife Dawn and I said, yes.

Yes, we will look after your boy. For however long it takes.

Looking back, we said yes without knowing how long this commitment would last or what this experience would mean for us and our two children.

Yes, we were new to Georgia and we were already dealing with uprooting our lives in South Carolina to build a new home. Yes, providing for him would mean providing a little less for our two children. Yes, money was tight. Yes, we were flying a little blind, not knowing much about this kid other than he needed a home and we had an extra bedroom.

I’m sharing this to shed a little light on the experience of thousands of other Georgia families and millions of families across America. More and more children are being raised by extended family and friends. Cousins, aunts, uncles and, mostly, grandparents are stepping in when parents struggle to raise their children. They’re saying yes.

We have a problem in America where too many parents are addicted or incarcerated or otherwise incapable of making the kind of adult decisions necessary raise a child. Add to that an economy that punishes the unskilled and undereducated, creating financial instability for adults that challenge their ability to secure housing and independence.

It’s created a shift in child-rearing responsibility. Consider that between 2000 and 2010 the number of grandparents raising their grandchildren doubled, according to the U.S. Census, to 5 million. The trend remains steady. Nationally, Georgia has the 6th highest number of grandparents who are raising their grandchildren.

Families are being forced into hard choices, often jumping in to prevent their young relatives from going into the foster care system.

The lower the income, the bigger the struggle. One national estimate says the average income of a home where grandparents are raising grandchildren is less than $20,000 annually. While these households are often housing secure, they’re often cash poor, which is not what you want to be when raising children these days. And often there is little in the way of public assistance that can help these families, especially when the custody arrangement doesn’t go through the foster care system.

It helps when there are situations like ours, families who are willing to receive a child and who are also capable of absorbing the financial obligation. We’re doubly fortunate: DeQuan’s mother, now upright, sober and fully involved in his upbringing, pays for many of his expenses. She’s as much of a success story as he is.

Five years ago, we didn’t know if we would arrive here.

In 2011, our family welcomed a skinny, bespectacled kid who was a quiet, gentle people pleaser. We gave him a room and assigned him some chores. We enrolled him in school. Eventually, he would land a coveted spot in the Gwinnett School of Math, Science and Technology, the top high school in Georgia.

He’s now holding down a job and saving for college. Recently, Kappa Alpha Psi awarded him an academic scholarship and we’re awaiting word on a few others.

This fall, he will attend the University of Georgia. He wants to be a psychologist and help children, especially those dealing with issues similar to his borne of parental absence and instability.

Yes, his coming to live with us changed his life.

But it also changed ours, as we are all especially grateful for all of the advantage we’ve built and received through undeserved blessings. We’re reaping the rewards of giving.

The biggest question now is this: Is he prepared for life?