Four years ago, Demetria L. Lucas, a New York-based writer was happily single, dating and apparently, as an African-American woman, an anomaly.
"When you talk about black women and dating it was always so heavy," said Lucas referring to books, blogs, articles and television segments detailing the plight of unmarried black women. "You do have heartbreak and really frustrating moments, but that wasn't the constant thread that was my life or the life of people that I knew."
So Lucas took to the blogosphere with "A Belle In Brooklyn," where she trotted out her thoughts about dating and relationships. Her posts – forwarded from family to friends and beyond – quickly got noticed and before she knew it, Lucas, a former entertainment writer and editor of romance novels, had become the relationship writer she wanted to be. Now, her blog has become a book, "A Belle In Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life," (Atria Books, $24), where Lucas weaves her thoughts and experiences on dating into something of a memoir.
"It is a book about dating, but also a coming of age story about how I became a woman," Lucas said. "It is about becoming sure of yourself and advancing in your career and making sacrifices."
Lucas' status as relationship guru came at just the right time. Relationships had become the topic du jour and black women were hot, but not in a good way.
"Black women were okay for a while. We were just going around living our lives, then something happened in 2010," Lucas said. Every week it seemed there was a new story about black women on the brink of spinsterhood ready to jump through hoops to get a man, she said.
Determined to give a different perspective, Lucas begins her tale just before she relocated to New York for good and traces the ups and downs of her relationships right up to her 30th birthday (she turns 32 next month). She gives a shout to Atlanta in a chapter called "The Atlanta Fiasco," which involves a male friend from childhood, a few libations, and a spin through a strip club.
Visiting Atlanta generally results in that type of crazy weekend, Lucas said. But she also acknowledges that many of the dating stereotypes associated with the city are just that. Labeled as industry skirt chasers, cheaters or men on the down low, some Atlanta men have told Lucas they feel they are getting a bad rap.
"The [good] guys in Atlanta say, ‘You know what? We do exist,'" Lucas said.
Having connected with men and women around the world as a blogger and relationships editor for Essence magazine, Lucas says the most frequent question asked is how to get a significant other to change. Her answer is always the same. "You can't," she said.
It is that same live and let live approach that she takes in her book; suggesting that everyone, regardless of gender, color (yes, her non-black friends have the same dating issues), or location, can take what they need and just enjoy the rest.
"It is not a typical dating guide or relationship book. It is not telling you there is something wrong with you," Lucas said. "It is about taking ownership of being single and living in the present."
Event Preview: Book Signing
"Cocktails with Belle" with Demetria Lucas
5-8 p.m. Saturday. Free.
Mingles, 182 Courtland St. N.E.
RSVP to BellesinATL@gmail.com
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