The season debut episode of "Dancing With the Stars" is always my favorite simply because it's all about first impressions. Who has some skills? Who has eyes on the mirror ball? Who is just trying to avoid tripping over themselves?
Kind of like the old early rounds of "American Idol," it's amusing to see celebrities who have no reason to be on the dance floor trying their best to imitate Fred Astaire when they move more like Fred Flintstone.
There were a couple of Flintstone style wrecks but plenty of Astaire-like performances.
Bottom line: this one is Alfonso Ribeiri's season to lose. He was a Broadway dancer and it shows. The man who invented "The Carlton" is popular, likable and a skilled hoofer to boot.
The next best competitor he faces is Lea Thompson, another celeb with a dance background.
"Duck Dynasty" star Sadie Robertson is the biggest surprise. With no dance background, she showed some impressive moves and could go far.
And both senior citizens Betsey Johnson and Tommy Chong were vastly entertaining. I hope one or both last a long time.
The two biggest disappointments were Lolo Jones and Antonio Sabato Jr. I predict Lolo will be the first to go home. She was that bad. And she admitted it.
This is the first time they have nobody announcing the dancers as the begin their performances, presumably to shave a few seconds now that we have four judges? The type of dance and name of the dancer show up instead on the screen.
Ryan Seacrest's ex Julianne Hough, a former dancer on the show, becomes the fourth judge, a purely unnecessary addition that caused them to have to cut off commentary a couple of times. At least she didn't embarrass herself. If anything, she showed off her two pups with pride.
Antonio Sabato Jr. (soap star, Calvin Klein ad man) - At age 42, Sabato still looks fit and ready to cha cha. But shockingly, he's not very good, even with Cheryl Burke trying her darndest to jazz things up. His hip action is surprisingly limited and it's clear Burke simplified the choreography so he wouldn't get too confused. "A little flat-footed," new judge Julianne Hough said in her debut critique. "Bulging in all the right places," Bruno Tonioli said. He gets sympathy 6's from three judges and a totally undeserved 7 from Bruno. Total four-judge score: 25. Grade: C
Lea Thompson (movie star) - As a child, the former "Back to the Future" star was a ballet dancer but was told she was too stocky. So that skill set means she has grace and rhythm. "This is my second chance to pursue my first love dancing," she said. She's 53 years old but Jennifer Grey won in 2010 when she was 49 so she can't be counted out. Not surprisingly, she has great lines and was smooth as silk on the dance floor doing the foxtrot. She's clearly in this to win it. "Looks like those 32 years of not dancing didn't exist," Julianne said. "We have a blockbuster on our hands," Bruno said. Posture and frame, he said, slipped a bit. "You guys are a well-balanced team," Carrie Anne said. "Your future is rosy," Len said. I sense they will be understandably tougher on her given her potential. Total four-judge score: 32 Grade: A-minus
Janel Parrish ("Pretty Little Liars" actress) - She has a musical theater background and it shows. She attacks the jive with panache, a bright smile and the very fetching Val Chmerkovskiy as her partner. Despite some technical issues in terms of control, "you have fearsome courage," Carrie Ann Inaba said. "You have great potential." Len called it "sharp and clean." Total four-judge score: 29 (three 7's and an 8 from Bruno) Grade: A-minus/B-plus
Lolo Jones (track star) - She's a 32-year-old ... virgin? So she says upfront that anything sexual or sensual will be tough for her. Yikes. She is as sensual as Frankenstein on stage and as uncomfortable as an accountant. Athletic yes, but her cha cha was blah blah. She admitted that was "awful." "More like an uh oh," Carrie Ann said. "It's not all bad," Len said. (Really?) "I want to see more fluidity," Julianne said. "Let it go," Bruno said, citing "Frozen." Four-judge score: 22. Grade: D
Betsey Johnson (fashion designer) - So what if she's 72! She's in great shape and she can do a split. "If you open up her mind, there's a circus in there," said her partner Tony Dovolani. She runs through the cha cha like a wild child then the props (specifically the boa) totally mess her up at the end but who cares? She ends with a cartwheel and a split! What a hoot! "Girl, you are flexible!" Julianne said. Four-judge score: 20. I would have given her a sympathy 6. Grade: B-minus
Tavis Smiley (talk show host/author) - He is pushing 50 and is certainly not know to be a loosey-goosey dude. He is a little flatfooted on stage but he puts on a decent show. He has potential. "You were comfortable," Julianne said. "I love the comedic touches," Bruno said. "A natural mover," Carrie Ann said. "Nifty for fifty," Len said. Four-judge score: 29 (7s except fo ran 8 from Julianne) Grade: B-minus/C-plus
Sadie Robertson ("Duck Dynasty) - She's a mere 17 year old with zero dancing experience. And she gets Mark Ballas as her partner so that's always a good thing. That was a solid first dance full of hip action and enthusiasm. "I am gobsmacked," Mark said. "Fantastic!" Carrie Ann: "You are a star. Your lines are gorgeous." Len: "Good clean leg action." I see her making the finals. Four-judge score: 34. (Carrie and Len give 8s and Julianne and Bruno throw out rare first-week 9s). Grade: A-minus
Mark Waltrip (race-car dancer) - His dance partner Emma Slater helped get Bill Engvall to the finals a year ago. So why not? He wasn't horrible. He wasn't terribly good either. But he sure put his all into it. Carrie Ann: "Fun entertaining, simple. Next week, I want to see a little more steps." Len: "The engine was running but you never got out of first gear." Julianne: "You looked like you were having so much fun." Bruno: "You looked like a golf cart trying to keep up with a Ferrari." Four-judge score: 25 Grade: C-plus
Jonathan Bennett ("Mean Girls" actor) - His father just died but he loved this show so Jonathan is doing it for his benefit. He put together a bright, energetic jive. He's not there technically but he put on a good show. He appeared to be so full of joy. Len: "You have great potential." Julianne: "A natural performer." Carrie Ann: "Fantastic movement quality." Four-judge score: 30 (7s from Len and Julianne and 8s from Carrie Ann and Bruno) Grade: B/B-plus
Tommy Chong (stoner/actor/comic) - He is 73, the oldest competitor here. He pulled out the personality with Peta to a Snoop Dogg song and dropped it like it was hot. (Cheech Marin even popped up.) I couldn't help but laugh. It was pure fun. Julianne: "You are extremely sexy." Bruno: "I'm getting cool grandpa." Carrie Ann: "You killed it." Len: "I enjoyed it." Four-judge score: 27 (3 7's and a 6 from Len). Grade: B
Randy Couture (MMA champ/actor) - His foxtrot exudes surprising elegance and sexiness. He and Karina have definite chemistry. Bruno: "All those drops were wonderful." Carrie: "I was weak in the knees." Len: "Lovely." Julianne: "Epitome of a man." Four-judge score: 31 (Three 8s and a 7 from Len) Grade: B-plus
Bethany Mota (YouTube star) - She gets five-time champ Derek Hough so that automatically means the producers must think she can dance. And she can! Her jive was clean and tight and on the mark. Len: "Terrific." Julianne: "In between moments, you lose a little bit of energy." Bruno: "Huge on the web and pretty good on the dance floor." Four-judge score: 32 Grade: B-plus/A-minus
Alfonso Ribeiri ("Fresh Prince" actor) - Is this even fair? He has all the moves and then some. His jive just said: "I've got the mirror ball trophy folks." Julianne: "There's style. There's musicality." Bruno: "What a number! What a show! You are the king of the night! He gets a well-deserved 9 across the board. Four-judge score: 36. Grade: A
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