We’d had “the talk” before.
Now I had another reason to have the father-son chat: The fatal shooting of Trayvon Martin, a 17-year-old black boy in Florida.
Miles had heard snippets about the tragedy, which occurred in a Florida town 30 miles from where he was born. He knew that Trayvon, wearing a hoodie and packing a cellphone, a bag of Skittles and an Arizona tea, had been unarmed. He learned that the shooter, George Zimmerman, a neighborhood watch volunteer, had claimed self-defense and remains free.
This tragic incident is a parent’s nightmare. It cuts deeper, though, and its sting lingers for parents who aim to protect, insulate and prepare their sons for a reality they must shoulder:
Being a young black man in America.
So “the talk” focuses on survival. Dads, especially, pass on a healthy paranoia steeped in practicality, designed as a lifesaver.
These are the kinds of things we impress upon sons: Be aware of your surroundings. Keep your hands in full view when approached by police. “Yes sir” and “No sir” answers are givens.
Know situations will arise in which you’re treated suspiciously, with skepticism, simply because you’re young, black and male. Accept the fact that, for some, your color will trigger the worst stereotypical imagery, some of which your peers sadly personify and perfect. Thief. Carjacker. Home invader. A menace to society warranting extermination.
Understand these things fathers preach. Carry yourself with confidence, above reproach. Be smart. Watch your back. Don’t press to have the last word. Avoid dust-ups.
Sometimes before the talk ends, dads might share personal stories of their younger days, before the hair grayed. How, when we were teen drivers, cops would occasionally follow us and sometimes stop us. How occupants in a passing car might yell the n-word. How high school players on an opposing team might utter that same word under their breath to mess with our psyches.
And while these experiences aren’t societal norms, they occur. They happen enough to give the impression that ignorance and hate thrive in the 21st century. And yes, it’s a double-edged sword.
The Trayvon Martin tragedy has ignited a national debate on racism, self-defense and relationships between blacks and police. Then there are the self-defense laws in Florida and Georgia that say a person being attacked has no duty to retreat before opening fire.
Laws such as these render “the talk” vital. White boys who wear hoodies and eat Skittles don’t routinely get shot to death.
Black boys do.
We have to let our young men know they are Trayvon Martin.
And he has been silenced.
Rick Badie, an AJC Opinion moderator, has a son and a daughter.
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