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If you thought Martha Stewart was all sugar, spice and everything nice these days, think again.
Case in point — the domestic goddess's raunchy roast of Justin Bieber Monday night.
"Let's get to the reason I'm here tonight, which is to give Justin Bieber some tips to use when he inevitably ends up in prison. The first thing you'll need is a shank. I made mine out of a pintail comb and a pack of gum. I'll show you how later," said Martha Stewart on "The Roast of Justin Bieber."
GASP! Martha! We never thought we'd hear your sweet old lady voice utter such words. And in that adorable flower sweater?! We're scarred for life, yet oddly tickled.
I mean, we all know Martha spent some time in the slammer back in 2004, but come on! Girl has got some sass.
And Martha's roast got MUCH worse from there. We'll spare you the NSFW details, but the rest of her rant touched on stabbing people, marijuana and three-way sex. No, we're not kidding.
Honestly, I don't think I'll be able to watch "Martha Stewart's Cooking School" the same way ever again.
"I'm about to take your love of cooking to a whole new level." (Video via PBS / "Martha Stewart's Cooking School")
And we weren't the only ones pleasantly surprised by Martha's roast.Hollywood Take claimed her "shocking dirty jokes" made her"the real star of the show."
And though a writer for People noted Martha was an odd choice for the roast, she did admit the lifestyle guru "ended up being a laugh riot."
Looks like Martha can now add hilarious roaster to her long list of accomplishments. And note to self — never get on her bad side.
This video includes images from Getty Images.
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