Grace Notes: When it comes to friends, make mine real

They’re my virtual Facebook friends, you see, although I’d prefer another word. After all, let’s get real here. People I’ve never met who send me notes and share online jokes with me are best described as total strangers or distant acquaintances.

For me, a flesh-and-blood friend is very special indeed. In fact, I have only a few, and just one I call my best buddy. Pam is someone I can bare my soul to, and she won’t judge me.

I can call her on the phone when I’m in tears because the relatives are visiting and the baby is pitching a royal fit and trying to knock over the hamster cage. And my friend will listen very calmly and assure me things will get better.

As we are told about friends in Ecclesiastes 4:10: “Two are better than one. ... If the one falls, the other will lift up his companion.”

That describes my best friend. After I had surgery, she sat with me while I was still groggy from sedation so my husband could go to the pharmacist. She’s seen me without make-up in my pajamas and fuzzy pig slippers, and she has not screamed.

Unfortunately, the whole notion of virtual friends removes the shine from a very important relationship. Little kids now have hundreds of “friends” they’ve never met. And on a whim they can disconnect these folks with the touch of a mouse, a process rather ominously known as de-friending.

Of course, online networking has some pluses. It’s a wonderful way for my husband and me to keep up with the new batch of baby cousins in Florida, for example, plus the shenanigans of nephews in Oklahoma.

But I truly hope the word “friend” doesn’t lose its specialness. I pray that little kids growing up today won’t think every person they meet is automatically a friend. I hope they will realize that real friendship has to outlast the test of time. It grows slowly on the vine, and it can’t be rushed.

True friendship starts with the first tentative, “Do you want to grab a coffee sometime?” and builds on that. Acquaintances are many, but true friendship is rare.

And if you doubt that, make a list of the people you would call if your guests’ baby was pitching a fit and the hamster cage went flying.

Lorraine Murray's latest book is a wild and wacky mystery featuring Tubs the cat, Dopey the dog and a hamster named Ignatius. She also has written a biography of Flannery O'Connor called "The Abbess of Andalusia." Her e-mail address is lorrainevmurray@yahoo.com.