Responsibility and blame aren’t equal

I am a huge proponent of “taking responsibility.” I believe it is a matter of honor and integrity to take responsibility for our thoughts, actions and attitudes in our personal lives, our professional lives and especially our spiritual lives.

Our personal lives involve how we handle our relationships with others and how we handle our financial affairs. Our professional lives involve how we handle our professional responsibilities and our careers. Our spiritual lives involve how we handle our emotional, psychological and physical well-being, given that each of these areas stems from our spiritual wellness; in other words, how we handle our relationship with ourselves.

“Taking responsibility” has become a rare commodity in American culture because of the stigma attached to it by its mistaken interchangeability with “being blamed.”

I see this problem predominate the climate in the areas of politics, with who is at fault for every single mishap or unfortunate act. I see this same problem also in the area of business, with that same need to find the one person or group at fault for business misfortunes and failures. I even see this problem predominate the climate for marriage and relationship failures.

Americans seem to be obsessed with an ongoing need for an enemy. Somebody has to be blamed; and worse yet this designation must be established by a crowd of uninvolved or marginally involved parties, who also happen to be the least informed.

I have watched the debate over the contribution of violent rhetoric to the Arizona shootings with utter dismay at the damage being done to the concept of “taking responsibility.”

As much as I believe that violent rhetoric in American media and politics has and does contribute to such heinous acts by seemingly unrelated parties, I can also see why those being asked to take responsibility for their contribution to this violence respond with passionate resistance. They feel blamed. They not only feel blamed, but they feel blamed for someone else’s actions. They are right.

It is so unfortunate to see such an honorable concept as “taking responsibility” for any part of our own behavior that can stand to be improved upon be misapplied and abused as a weapon against any person or group of people.

It is the same mind-set that only sees religion as a weapon of mass manipulation or mass-destruction. The call for “taking responsibility” for the damaging effects of violent rhetoric in politics and media is a legitimate one, but its abuse comes when it is wrapped in “blame,” with the ultimate goal of defeat instead of unity in human purpose and harmony.

“Taking responsibility” is not about taking the blame and it should not be reduced to that. As a parent, if you give a family member, friend or romantic companion with questionable character access to your child and that person molests your child, there is a need to take some responsibility for what happened to your child. But not take the “blame,” since you would never have knowingly invited that person to molest your child. That molester is clearly responsible for his or her own actions. They are to blame.

I use this example because it is real to so many women and men in our society who were molested as children.

“Being blamed” and “taking responsibility” are not one and the same. When we make them one and the same to gain power and control over others through guilt and manipulation, we do more damage than we realize.