The government can have my bicycle when it pries the handlebar from my cold, dead fingers. Because when bicycles are outlawed, only outlaws will have bicycles.

The rest of us will have to make do with tricycles, or Segways, or roller skates. None of which are covered by House Bill 689, a Republican-sponsored measure that would slap a $15 licensing fee on every bicycle in Georgia that touches public asphalt.

The bill draws no distinction between a $3,000 carbon-fiber wonder and a $50 Wal-Mart special with training wheels. And no more passing that outgrown bike to the next kid in line – not without an official transfer of the 4”-by-7” license plate, approved by the government.

Otherwise, 6-year-old Cindy Lou, tooling the cul-de-sac in her sister’s hand-me-down overalls and hand-me-down Huffy, could be picked up and slapped with a $100 fine – her dreams of an Ivy League education shattered by a misdemeanor record.

H.B. 689 is the handiwork of three Gainesville lawmakers: Carl Rogers, Lee Hawkins, and Emory Dunahoo. It was quietly introduced last spring, and will receive its first – and very likely, last – public hearing on Monday in Hall County.

Cycling enthusiasts have eyed the legislation with sober concern. “There’s a lot of interest in this, making sure it’s not going anywhere,” said Brent Buice, executive director of Georgia Bikes, an advocacy group.

With all due respect, this type of reaction is entirely too reasonable to be of service. We are a red state. Red-state logic and red-state outrage must be summoned.

Which is why I’m recommending that the Spandex crowd borrow a page from the National Rifle Association’s playbook, and go with something like this:

Clearly, government registration of bicycles is merely the first step toward confiscation. The government wants you not just unarmed, but flabby when it knocks on your door.  Never mind that every bicycle grabbed by government will be sold at an Alabama flea market, and proceeds will pay for Obamacare.

Now, those are talking points to kill a bill at the state Capitol.

But seriously, talking points probably won’t be necessary. H.B. 689 amounts to seven pages of legislative road rage that isn’t going anywhere. Let me tell you why.

We’ll deal with the most obvious first. For Republicans, the idea of levying a new tax on millions of bicycles in an election year strays beyond the absurd and into the realm of the dangerous. Hawkins, one of the sponsors of H.B. 689, has now disavowed this aspect of the bill.

Then there’s Lt. Gov. Casey Cagle, who, like the bill’s sponsors and Gov. Nathan Deal, also lives in Hall County.

“I’m not interested in getting into a situation where we are taxing and registering our youth and adults for the use of their bicycles. This is not, in my mind, the right public policy decision,” Cagle said. “We should be encouraging more people to exercise. And cycling is a part of that.”

Cagle is president of the state Senate, which would have to approve H.B. 689 – if the House were foolish enough to move it. Cagle is also the Capitol’s premier cycling enthusiast.

If you feel up to it, he’s sponsoring the Lieutenant Governor’s Charity Ride on Oct. 19. Participants will be pedaling up to 100 miles through Hall County. It’s an event that would nearly impossible, if not illegal, should H.B. 689 become law.

In addition to the license and fees, the bill would require cyclists to ride in groups no larger than four, in single file, with four feet of space separating each rider.

Oh, and communities would be able to bar cyclists from whatever roads they choose.

In other words, H.B. 689 isn’t meant to become law. Rather, it was designed as an attention-getting two-by-four in a local culture clash. Hall County has become the entry point for hundreds, if not thousands, of cyclists who love to climb the North Georgia mountains. Especially on weekends.

“It’s a huge form of tourism. The number of people who come to ride in the mountains is remarkable,” said Cagle, who counted participants from 30 states at a ride in Dahlonega last weekend.

Some locals who travel roads choked by pelotons of riders are less than thrilled. “The mountain roads have become especially a problem because the (bike) clubs are moving up there,” said Rogers, the bill’s lead sponsor.

Taking a bicycle on a public road is something like bringing a knife to a gun fight. Cyclists have every reason not to pick fights with automobiles.

That said, some cyclists are no smarter than some lawmakers. Cagle concedes the occasional abuse by his pedaling colleagues.

“I’m the first one to say that everyone needs to abide by the rules of the road,” the lieutenant governor said. Likewise, Cagle said he’s also had cars nearly run him down, and bottles chucked at him.

A conversation on H.B. 689, and between cyclists and motorists, has been set for 6 p.m. Monday at the Hall County Government Center. Perhaps that will end things.

If it doesn’t, Republicans might want to rethink bringing Cindy Lou into this mess.