Over the objections of the NCAA enforcement staff (one old guy with a metal detector in Sarasota), the coaching remains of Bobby Petrino (east of Paducah, Ky., west of Hades) and the poor rabbi who’s going to have to listen to Ryan Braun repent on Yom Kippur in a few weeks . . .

Hello. I am back.

Weekend Predictions is a sure thing. It's as much of a lock as video of a Heisman Trophy winner signing over 4,000 autographs for memorabilia dealers and then getting suspended by the NCAA for profiting off of his name.

Wait, bad example.

I hear now that video evidence of a Heisman Trophy winner signing over 4,000 autographs for a memorabilia dealer is worth only a suspension for the first half against Rice, because Johnny Manziel must not have taken any money for his autographs because the NCAA asked him to empty his pockets and he didn’t even have a receipt that read, “For services rendered: $12,637.27,” so there, and because this is all a big misunderstanding and he signed footballs and helmets and probably Cheetos bags out of the goodness of his heart (somewhat dwarfed by his ego), which is why he kept all of the signings a secret from Texas A&M and the NCAA to begin with.

Wait. What?

Actually, this works out well. Manziel can spend the first half at the College Station LaQuinta signing autographs. Barring carpal tunnel syndrome, he'll be back for the third quarter.

Maybe the NCAA enforcement staff should start over with something easy. Like expired parking meters.

Back to Weekend Predictions. You know how this works. Every week I give you the winners. It’s just your job to find them. W.P. Investment Services never gets a pick wrong. On occasion we are forced to employ an elaborate disinformation campaign, largely to throw off competitors who are out to steal our formula for implausible success.

Only you, the Weekend Predictions readers, will know the real picks from the phony ones, thanks to the W.P. Deciphering Handbook that was mailed in July. If you still need a copy, please send me $10 or a signed Johnny Manziel swamp-land lease and I’ll forward one to you before the Manziel family attorney springs his next rich, frat boy client.

Good news: Manziel has been declared ineligible for the “Sack Schultz” contest. But you can win a $5,000 trip to Hawaii, weekly $100 Kroger gift cards and tickets to the Georgia-Georgia Tech game and Chick-fil-A Bowl by picking games against me. Just go to AJC.com/go/SackSchultz2013 to enter.

Now to this week’s big game: Georgia vs. Clemson. By the end of this season, the Bulldogs will be a better team. I’m just not sure they are right now. They’re missing Josh Harvey-Clemons because he smoked a doobie. Their defense is young. Their secondary is banged up. Georgia can score but so can Clemson. The two tipping points for me: It's too much too soon for the defense, and the team may be missing kicker Marshall Morgan (possibly suspended for drunk boating).

That's enough. Expect a lot of points. But in the end: Dogs go down. Clemson wins (and take the 1½ as a gift).

NCAA investigator struggles with phone sources

Tapas

Elon at Georgia Tech: When Ted Roof pulled into his Georgia Tech parking space, the sign read: “Defensive coordinator. Leave your car running.” But if players can at least understand what’s coming out of Roof’s mouth, it’ll be progress over Mr. Poopy Pants, Al Groh. It's the first start for quarterback Vad Lee. Few hiccups expected. Jackets cover 45.

Samford at Georgia State: The Panthers play their first game as an FBS team and they’re underdogs at home to an FCS team. Just wait until they play games against West Virginia and Alabama in a span of three weeks. (No worries. The athletic administration has direct deposit.) Trent Miles: I wish you well on this journey. Samford covers 6½.

Alabama vs. Virginia Tech: Alabama hasn’t lost a non-conference regular season game since Nick Saban’s first season in 2007, which I guess means Virginia Tech hopes to have something in common with Louisiana-Monroe. Or do they already? The Hokies haven’t been this big of an underdog in 21 years. Is Frank Beamer starting to look like Bobby Bowden? Tide covers 20.

LSU at TCU: From the inmates run the asylum file: Les Miles reinstated running back Jeremy Hill (his resumé: misdemeanor battery for punching someone outside of a bar; misdemenaor for having sex with a 14-year-old when he was in high school) because, he said, he put it to a player vote and they said, "Sure!" TCU’s Gary Patterson is now my favorite coach for this retort: “I'm sure if it was some opponent they'd beat by 100 points [the players] wouldn't have a vote.” I’d happily lose this: But my head says: LSU covers 4½.

Souls For Sale: Bobby Petrino's career affirms he lacks a spine, a conscience or morals. But he somehow found another willing dance partner in college football hell, Western Kentucky. Quite a career devolution. Good luck picking up blonde volleyball players on your moped now, punk. Kentucky covers 4½.

Louisiana-Lafayette at Arkansas: The Razorbacks athletic board and boosters have scheduled a mass confession at halftime. Piglets cover 10½.

Didn’t take long for Manziel to be mocked in TV ad

Chickens and Rice: Manziel is playing only a half but the line is 27. Maybe wishful thinking, but: A&M wins but give me Rice and the manna.

Toledo at Florida: Will Muschamp went from 7-6 in year one to 11-2 in year two, which is difficult when you’re working around lingering parole violations from the previous administration. Gators cover 23½.

Buffalo at Ohio State: A Rolling Stone story on Aaron Hernandez says Urban Meyer "may have covered up failed drug tests along with two violent incidents,” including a drive-by shooting, while at Florida, which forced the SEC to issue a statement: “OK. What’s your point?” Buckeyes cover 35.

Lilly’s Pick: Lilly triggered her second-year contract option by going 8-5 last year. Pictures of Uga and the Clemson mascot, each with a piece of cheese, were hung side by side. Lilly ate both – but lunged at the one by Uga first.

English proverb: "The best throw of the dice is to throw them away."

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My last dozen ramblings

-- Blog/MyAJC: Weekend Predictions: NCAA needs glasses, Dogs need some help

-- MyAJC ($): Tech's Attaochu may be a little psycho, and I'm OK with that

-- Blog: Manziel is suspended ... wait, for a half?

-- MyAJC ($): Is Clemson too much, too much, too soon for Georgia defense?

-- Blog: Aaron Murray having vision problems (wait, don't panic)

-- Blog: "Sack Schultz 2013" now open! Hawaii, anyone?

-- MyAJC ($): Georgia game-by-game predictions

-- MyAJC ($): Leaner, wiser Aaron Murray is back to lead Georgia

-- MyAJC ($): Bean balls: Possibly sports most cowardly tradition

-- Blog: Upton, Uggla can't just be along for the ride

-- MyAJC ($): This needs to be wake-up call for Upton and Uggla

-- Blog: Heyward's injury might be worst of all for Braves

-- MyAJC ($): Gonzalez, Falcons believe his absence is a non-issue