Playing ball when the coach is dad, or mom

By Michael Carvell

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Dawn Shaw can tell how football practice went by reading her son’s body language as he walks through the door.

Connor Shaw, one of the state’s top quarterbacks, plays at Flowery Branch High, where he is coached by his father, Lee. It makes for some interesting family dynamics, especially at dinner time.

“Connor always gets home first and he’s ready to eat,” Dawn said with a laugh. “If it was a bad practice, then Connor will go up to this room. His father gets home later on and there have been times when he wanted Connor to come back downstairs to talk.

“However, Lee is real good about what to say and when to say it. Sometimes I’ll step in and say to Lee ‘Give him a few minutes alone.’ Or I’ll say to Connor ‘You’ve got to understand how your Dad sees it.’ Sometimes, I’ll just shut up.”

It is not uncommon for parents to coach their kids in high school — several households in metro Atlanta contain a son or a daughter and a coach. But it is always interesting. And often challenging. Yet in conversations with these families, it was hard to find any fathers, mothers, sons or daughters who regretted the relationship.

Connor said that his father often demands more of him than Flowery Branch’s other players, perhaps just to avoid any signs of favoritism. However, he also credits his father for his progress. Connor has been heavily recruited by colleges and has committed to South Carolina.

“I love my Dad more than anything and none of it would’ve been possible without him,” he said.

Dad changes sports

Buford’s Tony Wolfe left the football coaching profession to spend more time with his daughter, Whitney. He was an assistant for Buford’s championship football program for a decade before switching duties to softball coach two years ago.

It was perfect timing. His daughter, an incoming ninth grader, was a promising second baseman. Back-to-back state championships have followed.

In last year’s finals, in Columbus, Whitney scored the eventual winning run in the top of the eighth. In the bottom of the inning, she caught an infield fly for the last out of the season.

“Watching her go through the pressures of playing down in Columbus ... are certainly memories that I will hold onto for a long, long time,” Tony said.

Wolfe’s wife, Kim, applauded his move and for far more than just the championships: “It’s a great thing. When Whitney played softball and in all-star games in middle schools, Tony never got to see her play because of football or baseball. Now he’s an important part of her life during one of the most important stages of her life.”

Is it ‘coach’ or ‘dad?’

Roswell golf coach Tim McFarlin is another parent with a deep football pedigree. He was on Roswell’s staff for more than 30 years, including 10 as head coach. He led the Hornets to the 2006 Class AAAAA championship and resigned after the 2007 season.

His son, Will, a sophomore, is one of the top golfers at the school. They have spent a lot of time together recently traveling around the Southeast so that Will could play in junior tournaments.

“It has been a lot of fun and was part of the reason I stepped away from football when I did,” McFarlin said. “My daughter, who is older, was a trainer on the sideline for me at Roswell. When she went off to college, I missed a few things there because of football.”

McFarlin said he has always been wary of parents coaching their kids. He considers golf to be different because golfers are judged by the score.

“It takes a lot of subjectivity out of it,” he said. “If a kid is your best golfer or second best, those scores are posted and it’s very easy to see where your kid fits in the lineup.”

McFarlin established some ground rules. Like when he’s on the course, he is “Coach.” Then when they are back in the car, it’s “Dad” again. Will also has a requirement for his father.

“When he’s playing golf, he’d rather me not watch him,” Tim said with a chuckle. “So I go and watch the other kids play. His old man bothers him.”

‘Hey, coach.’ ‘Hey, Mom.’

Mt. Pisgah sophomore Sam Reilly calls his cross-country coach different names, one of which happens to be “Mom.” Susan Reilly is in her fifth season at Mt. Pisgah and also coached older son Joe.

“If I’m in a good mood,” Sam said, “I’ll call her ‘Coach.’ If I’m in a bad mood, I’ll say ‘Mom.’ It can go either way.”

That choice lightens the mood for Sam’s teammates.

“In practice,” Susan said, “the kids will ask questions while they are running by me. Sam might yell ‘Hey Coach.’ I’ll turn around and his friends running with him will then say, ‘Hey Mom.’ It’s just sort of a funny thing.”

Sam said the closeness cuts both ways: she is always around, at school and home.

“It can probably get old taking directions from your parents throughout the whole entire day,” Same said. “Then again, she always knows exactly what I’m doing with my training, especially during the summer. I can’t embellish and get away with it.”

The around-the-clock attention seems to be working. As a freshman, Reilly set a school record previously held by his brother. Susan has treated both her sons differently.

“Joe was a workhorse, while Sam is more of a maverick ...,” she said. “He’s not afraid of the hard work but he has to be reeled in. He loves to take charge, which is exactly what our program needs at this point in time.”

Playing for a winner

Sophomore safety Patrick Flowe finally accomplished his dream of playing football for Parkview this season. He had been a ballboy for the program since he was 4. His father, Cecil, is one of the state’s winningest football coaches, logging four state championships at the school.

“We talk very openly about things, and Patrick knows with the Coach-Daddy relationship, a lot is expected out of him,” Cecil said. “He knows I’m not going to put up with lackluster play from any player. Then again, no one is mistake-proof.”

Flowe is amazed with how Patrick has turned into a student of the game. The coach was giving his son a hard time about a play on special teams from last week’s game. They watched the film together and sure enough, it turned out that Patrick was carrying out his assigned duties on the play.

“My Dad always challenges me to be the best I can each and every day ... I always try to exceed his expectations to play better,” said Patrick, who calls his father “coach” at practice.

Though he rarely gets emotional, Flowe lowers his voice when asked to reflect upon coaching his child.

“I’m so proud of Patrick,” he said. “He had a tough season last year, breaking [bones] in his back. Watching him suit up is something he’s dreamed about for a long time and he has had a lot of wonderful role models. Every day is competition at Parkview, and Patrick is earning the reps he’s getting.”

‘I’ve been blessed’

Coaching your child is always an adventure and not always fun. Despite the potential negatives, however, it seems there are far more positives. More important, it provides a lifetime of family memories — cherished sooner perhaps by the parent.

At Flowery Branch, Shaw has had the chance to coach both his sons: The eldest, Jaybo, now a backup quarterback at Georgia Tech, was a four-year starter for his father. During the 2006-07 seasons, Jaybo’s favorite target was his younger brother, who lined up at wide receiver. It was referred to as “The Shaw Show.”

“There was a special connection between them on the football field, and I got to experience that,” Lee Shaw said. “I remember when they were little kids, talking about what they were going to do on Friday nights. It came to fruition and I’ve been blessed to witness it as their coach.”