Misadventures in Atlanta

By Foots

November 20, 2008 8:50 AM | Link to this

Good morning! If you were in a relationship, could you get past someone having a one night stand/fling with someone else?

Not if we are in a relationship. That’s called cheating. If we were not in a relationship, I’d be confused as to why he was telling me. If it was understood that we were seeing other people, it’s also understood that there is a possibility that we may possibly be seeing other people naked.

But in a relationship? No. I’d assume that he was not ready for what we agreed to and let him go.

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

Would it make a difference if you were not yet intimate when the one night stand happened

Yep…that means that i am trying to convince this women i am the one…that also means she not really that into me or my look….again attraction is a choice…if she has a one nightier with someone..that means on the most basic level she was attracted enough to skip the emotional stuff and quinch that primal side…..

By Leggs

November 20, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. I’m confused. Why would she tell him that? Anyway, if you had a one night stand while dating someone, then you’re cheating and not ready for exclusivity. I can only imagine her reasoning for telling him is so he can end the relationship even though she in essence already had!!!

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

actually i would want to be told….honesty is cool with me…then i would make my choice accordly…i can understand the dudes different take on her..he prolly was thinking i could potentially date this chick on some real stuff..but she still got a lil slut in her…which is cool…but that saved him alot of wasted time on someone still getting her fun fluck on…so its a win win for everyone..if he tells her why he will dismiss her..she will gain a new respect for him as a man..she will know he has standards…he will not just accept anything

By Mrs. Aufton Izzabytch

November 20, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

(I lived in an apartment that rooms were so small I could only have One Night Stand in there. Boy I am glad I am passed that time of my life.)

IMO she clearly is not ready. That type of activity along with hanging out at the clubs and other meat markets should be put away when one is venturing into the life of commitment. How can you be “the one” to somebody when they are obviously not “the one” for you?

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

Morning everyone. Foots! how are ya.

One night stands? LOL. What’s that?

I appreciate honesty. If a guy I was dating told me he had one, and we had not yet established exclusivity, it wouldn’t change how I felt. I’m going to assume by default that you can accept other options until a relationship is established.

I would however wonder why folks are still having one night stands at this age. What’s going on there? LOL

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

FOOTS I agree. If we in a relationship and he decided to have a one night stand I would feel disrespected as well as know I am not the one for him. One the flip side, if we had an understanding to see other people i.e… we both agree we not ready then that’s different. Then I would be happy he was honest with me.

By MELO

November 20, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

you so cool but you know what,i just flucked some random dude last nite and then you stay on??,thats so candid but disrespectful!!Why wld i hang on unless I also want some random pudsy.I would never take that woman seriuosly coz thats candid but classless.If we are not in a relationship yet,dont tell me about ur private trashy stuff and i wont tell you about my own trashy stuff.Otherwise we might just go ahead and start mouthing our trashy moments head to head and see who is on top.I know u not a virgin and im not either so keep the seedy stuff to urself. U been flucked be4 and i i have fluckedd women from cape to cairo, sooo??? Good morning!!!

By Dan

November 20, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

Like Rell, I would want to know.

I’d appreciate her honesty too.

And after the initial shock of the news, my response would be simple and concise: “of course you know that this means that we are no longer exclusive, right?” “That does mean I can see other people too, or at least let you know about it now, huh?”

I wouldn’t be mad, becuase all she’s told me is that she has broken her “word” about committment, meaning she cannot ever be trusted.

@WD

If the feeling is there, it is what it will be. Thing of it is no one “falls into [sex]” any more. It’s a choice, and a respected one at that (to have a one night stand).

If old girl had stated her intentions initially, dude wouldn’t be losing weight….

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

@dan…she did not break her word..she is showing you who she is…believe her…all that would mean for me is that know i start to angle to get at her friends or just use her as a cool azz wing women or travel buddy…no harm or foul…we just move to friends and thats it….if she still trying to get me then she would have to invest heavily….because women like that use the poose as a weapon…it was made for male semen and i know plenty of female that believes its not really real until she gets the man semen inside of her….feel me…its a cold game

By Mrs. Aufton Izzabytch

November 20, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

Foots I agree. It’s called cheating.

By Dan

November 20, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

@Rell

I believe that we each make mistakes - letting someone “in” is not one of them - and I can forgive a lot of things, except treachery.

And that’s what lying is to me, treason of whatever relationship we’ve had.

Doesn’t mean I can’t be cool with you, hang out with you, just never like we did.

As for the friends, surely they knew before the guy. So they’d see the “revenge session” coming from a mile away. That said, it would be easier if there was a vibe from one of the friends in the beginning.

By Dan

November 20, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

@Rell

I believe that we each make mistakes - letting someone “in” is not one of them - and I can forgive a lot of things, except treachery.

And that’s what lying is to me, treason of whatever relationship we’ve had.

Doesn’t mean I can’t be cool with you, hang out with you, just never like we did.

As for the friends, surely they knew before the guy. So they’d see the “revenge session” coming from a mile away. That said, it would be easier if there was a vibe from one of the friends in the beginning.

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

Oh, the reader is in a new established relationship. LOL. And she’s already stepped out. Ouch.

Well, it had better have been with Will Smith or something. You know, a once in a lifetime opportunity. LOL

By kimmie

November 20, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

Morning Blog Fam!

Amred - I’m with you, whose still doing that? Either the person is very young or some old player whose time has passed but wants to prove they still got it. Of course they are not ready for a real adult loving relationship. I would venture to say they are promiscuous. I mean I can understand if you are dating someone and you have agreed that you are seeing other people and that may mean one or both of you may be getting your “needs” met from someone else if you are not intimate yet. I know me though, once I become intimate we are having that exclusivity “talk”. I don’t believe in having multiple partners and I don’t expect my partner to either. That’s why I believe in getting to know the person and not rushing intimacy because once we go there, the understanding from me is that we are now exclusive, and I make that understanding clear. If a person I was dating but not yet intimate with told me he had a one nite stand with some random chick, as opposed to getting his needs met from someone who was say a FWB, then I would totally look at him differently. It would prove to me that he participates in wreckless behavior, which is a turn-off and scary. Our moral standards, values and the way we conduct our lives and carry our selves are obviously very different. I’m bouncing.

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

i am fair dude to a fault..i always look at things from both sides..so having said that..fellas would you fess up and tell ya lady friend about anything….meaning head from a former flame or even a hand job…would you speak up or act if nothing happens…we all have it in us to do what is describe above..i just dont believe in demonizing one sex over the other…in the past when i did it…i keep my mouth closed…but i see now the impact that lil white lie has in the long run..so fellas would you be forthcoming?

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

not to get off topic…but this right here…

TO SEE FOR YOURSELF, CLICK ON http://jssi.co.shelby.tn.us/ AND TYPE IN “BARACK OBAMA” UNDER GS CASE HISTORY

By Mrs. Aufton Izzabytch

November 20, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this

And Dan I agree with you. Fidelity is a choice we make. The thing about commitment and vows is they can’t physical hold you down, but your desire to honor them can keep you.

I told you all this before but M and I had a discussion once prior to the nups about him being only with me is a choice he made. And the other way around.

So all this one night and I got caught in the moment crap is just that crap. If you don’t play around the fire your chances are better of not getting burned.

By Dan

November 20, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

@Rell

I wouldn’t say a word. Why tell her something just to hurt her? To what “get it off my chest” no it would be me making myself feel better at her expense. If I have guilt about my actions, then I deal with it, no one else.

Question:

We’ve all spoken (some more than others) about past mistakes…

I’m curious to know, how is a one night stand any different (as far as impulse control) from say….buying a really expensive pair of shoes and putting it on a credit card with no money to pay for it?

Both (to my mind) are exercises in impulse decisions. One potentially costs you more in the long run, the other does not.

I’m happy to read alternative opinions on the subject.

By MLL

November 20, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Good morning peeps, If we were dating exclusivley then I have a right to know - you have to be accoutible for your actions. If we’re just dating, it’s really none of my/his business. I can’t claim anything usless it’s established that we are exclusive. That’s why it’s very important to get the other person’s prespective on dating, everybody have their own definiton of it and way about doing it. For me dating could mean I’m spending some time with you to see if we fit, seeing one man at a time…..for you it could mean I’m seeing you and several others - just having fun..you know kicking it..

By Sasha Two Pistols

November 20, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

I agree that I’m not a multiple dater either. But my thing is, when you meet someone and go out with them at least two times, there needs to be a conversation letting the other person know. Especially so they won’t be blindsided by anything.

And I can see why dude was a little taken aback by her saying she had a one night stand and hoped it wouldn’t compromise their union, um yes in fact it would. If a guy told me that, honestly I would look at him differently.

Now if we’re not “serious” I don’t expect him to be ultracommitted to be in the beginning stages. But going out and sleeping with some random chick is a tad bit disrespectful in my opinion. And while I realize that people have needs, to me certain things should just be common sense. Use some discretion.

More importantly COMMUNICATION is key. Just talk with the person about who you are and what you’re looking for wheter it be friendship, friends with benefits or a committeed monogamous relationship.

By MELO

November 20, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

once I become intimate we are having that exclusivity “talk putting urself in intimate mode is asking for trouble unless i like u anyway then im bound to stick by u.But in my younger days,it was not inconceivable to intimatetize(wrd?) wit u ,and then u say what?,oh…ummm,(in a lovely voice of urs) so *T does that mean we exclusive now?* and i will say,in a (deep baritone voice),no Kimmie,no, i was just checking ur oil levels,well have to see about that….LMAO..LOL!!

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

Morning…

She’s not ready. I’m under the impression the standards/rules of the relationship were discussed.

Even with her being honest about her “one night stand” it was done with an objective (whether it was to get her rocks off, test the other guys skills, spoon or whatever)! He stated that they had “the talk”, and they were to be exclusive. She has now proved her ability to be a cheater and deceptive. He now, has to make the decision whether he wants to forgive and trust her again, or say to hellz with it.

This is a touchy one. One must be of a unique caliber to forgive, when there has been so early of betrayal.

I’ll add this: Honest hearts produce honest actions!

By Leggs

November 20, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

Mrs. Aufton Izzabytch, your last sentence actually says what I was going to end the blog w/this evening on a lighter than normal note! I may still post it.

Dang Dan, comparing buying something on credit and being able to pay for it to giving your body, kisses and hugs to another when you’re involved with someone has me SMH. Potential problems yes, but the comparison not on point for me. I may be the only one and I’m ok w/that (lol).

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

melo Go get some coffee.

Hi Leggs!

By Wise Diva

November 20, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone! ha, ok I am cracking up at the creative screen names, you guys must be bored, way to shake it up.

By MLL

November 20, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

Sasha nailed it on the head, communication is the key.

By Mrs. Aufton Izzabytch

November 20, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

LOL WiseDiva, catchy isn’t it?

By Shaw-T Lo

November 20, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

Morning Good People

Rell Mayne, you puttin’ it down this a.m.

By Bobba

November 20, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

Once a w*******, always a w*******.

By MELO

November 20, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

how is a one night stand any different (as far as impulse control) from say….buying a really expensive pair of shoes and putting it on a credit card there are both moral and ethical issues to consider in both instances,the diff is one of those can potentially pose serious risk to life and limb ie one night stand,so it has more gravity on the depth chart.The moral hazard,if u wanna call it,is deeper with sexx issues IMO.

By ATL80

November 20, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

I had a similiar situation like this several years ago, but I never told the guy. I really liked this new guy I had just met. I was trying to get him to ask me out. While working on him I did hook up with an old “friend with benefit” that I hadn’t seen in months. My roommate at the time got really mad and told me I couldn’t be hooking up with one guy if I liked another guy. He hadn’t asked me out yet though. About a week later the new guy and I finally went out. The relationship only lasted a few weeks so we never had to talk about other guys.

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

@ DAN I can see where you are going with the impulse decision. But impulse or not his azz would still be dismissed because he is no longer trustworthy. I have witnessed this situation and dude felt he was ” keepin it real”. He gave the chick some BS about he had to step out to appreciate what he had. My thoughts are- if you bold enough to do it once. You are bold enough to do it again once you’re back in that same state of mind.

By Dan

November 20, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

@Leggs

Regardless of my analogy, the actions are - at their root - the same, how one deals with impulses.

Some people react to situations without thinking about the long term consequences, others over think every possible scenario.

It’s kinda that simple. What I’m trying to get to is the differing moral opinion of one response to impulse control, as opposed to another.

By Sidney

November 20, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Whenever someone tells they are cheating it is for selfish reasons. She was concerned about her conscience. When you cheat it is for selfish reasons also, so guess what this person is just selfish. History has the tendency to repeat itself, so this guy should leave her. If they get married and she is bored, etc. it will only get worse.

By Bill

November 20, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Been there done that.

If she is having a one night stand with someone else while she says that she wants to develop a monogamous (sp?) relationship with you, don’t think for an instance that it will change later. It is in her blood and it won’t stop - even after the Church bells ring.

By M.

November 20, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

If she told, me I would appreciate the insight. I also would definately downgrade her status in a nonchalant way. I would be upfront with her but she definately would not really be a priority to me really. More like an associate. At this stage of the game, some guys will probably exploit this fault and try to make her feel guilty. That’s immature. The best thing to do is to make sure that you do EVERYTHING on your own terms if you want to or cut your losses and just be friends.

Question for Wise and the women

If this woman really liked this guy, why didnt she hook up with him? Was it that she wasnt comfortable with him yet to go to the next level? If so what does that say about her that she felt more comfortable to do a one night with a random guy over a guy that she really liked and wanted to be exclusive with? All that to say, I think some women when they start dating you, are definately getting their needs met somewhere else in the early stages…Someone to hold them down, maintenance man, etc whatever? Thoughts ladies?

Rell you are on point today with you 9:05 and 9:30 posts.

By kimmie

November 20, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

Holo, oops I meant Melo - You are funny! But you know what I’m talking about. You see, if we have taken the time to really get to know each other and see where our heads are - well it’s just never been an issue for me. By the time we “go there” I have a pretty good idea of what I’m dealing with. Actually I’ve never really had to bring up exclusivity because the guys have. Those one-nite-stand types that would run if I brought up being exclusive - well I have not dated any of those types since I left college. Not to say that I hae not been cheated on, but thats another subject. Somebody that still has one nite stands is just sleazy to me.

By Dan

November 20, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Thanks Melo,

You brought me to a point that I wanted to state.

From an actuarial standpoint: the STD infection rate is a static number, meaning the same in a given population.

By choosing a partner for a LTR as opposed to a more temporary condition, the infection rate does not change.

In fact, on the longer timeline one’s chance for infection increases exponentially.

In reality there is a lesser chance that a sporadic event (given contraception use in both cases) will change the statistical rate for either partner.

Simply stated you have a greater chance of “catching something” from someone you’ve been with longer becuase of the increase in risk taking based on the “status” of that relationship and the comfort level of it.

By Wise Diva

November 20, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

M. sometimes women are spooked by relationships and they torpedo things on purpose. I really think, in this particular case, it screams commitment-phobe trying to back pedal out of a relationship she had no business being in. It probably happens more than you realize because it is mired in neurotic aka “typical chick” behavior.

By truthfully

November 20, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

RELL… that def was off topic and uncalled for,that needed to stay on sr.com not here adding fuel to the fire that already flickers in good ol’ GA. now back to the topic at hand……… Randon one night and your dating someone then you tell them? 1.IMO that is wreckless behavior all the way. You cant be on the path to wanting that “one” person out doing the “grown folk” with someone else, then coming to telll them. At the same time telling to me seemed a bit more than trying to be honest it was to get a reaction whtehr good or bad. I’d say or really? wow.. Ok so um It was great knowing you, or hmm maybe not so much. bye no. AND get o-u-t. Farewell. History.. ya know the rest. oooo na na na na na na.. ooo na na naa naa naa

By M.

November 20, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

@Wise

So you mean aka craziness!!! ;)

So if guys come off to casual then what? We dont want to rush you into anything!

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

@M

If so what does that say about her that she felt more comfortable to do a one night with a random guy over a guy that she really liked and wanted to be exclusive with?

that means….never believe what a women tells you she wants or her type..attraction is a choice…make her attracted to you….at the root of humans man or women..we want what we THINK we cant have…we all looking for something that seems out of our reach…its up to you to find out..not where to take her or how her day is….dig into her background and you will find the answer and then turn that screw…women again want it just like we do..if not more…as men as i posted monday..we have a tendency to dupe a women the one if she giving up positive vibes….instead of making her constantly earn our attention and affection…thats the key…women like to women just like us…make her feel like she is winning….its simple…to the dudes fault he was not listening to what she wanted…maybe thats all she really wanted was some quick dizzle instead of building a relationship..she still does not want a relationship but she loves the ATTENTION the dud is giving her…FOR FREE…and this is just a TEST to see what she can get away with..again its a cold game..listen fellas..they tell you from day one what they want….but most women at the most basic level love ATTENTION..start there….

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

M - I wouldn’t negate the fact that she was “honest”, I guess that shows a bit of integrity….

If this woman really liked this guy, why didn’t she hook up with him?

Many reasons maybe. But one, she should be asking herself that, and communicating with him.

Was it that she wasn’t comfortable with him yet to go to the next level?

She obviously showed her need to be spooned with the other guy, so she wasn’t necessarily anxious to sex guy 1.

If so what does that say about her that she felt more comfortable to do a one night with a random guy over a guy that she really liked and wanted to be exclusive with?

The bloggers have said she is still enjoying the other inhibition.

I think some women when they start dating you, are definitely getting their needs met somewhere else in the early stages…Someone to hold them down, maintenance man, etc whatever?

Again, not ready for an exclusive relationship.

By M.

November 20, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

@Wise

So you mean aka craziness!!! ;)

So if guys come off to casual then what? We dont want to rush you into anything!

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

@Wise Dive So why have a one night stand just to pump the brakes on the relationship. Why not just be honest and tell dude this is not what she wants instead of being half honest after she cheated. This is not typical chick behavior. This is a confused person looking for attention and attracted to drama where I am from.

By Manny

November 20, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

There’s a difference between honesty and TMI.

TMI can destroy a relationship.

By Sue

November 20, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

I would want to know if we were intimate. In this day and age it is a safety issue to have multiple intimate relationships. I would at least want to be informed before I took that step with someone so that I could make a decision.

By MELO

November 20, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

kimmie, i hear what u say.From my dating experience and i know proly this happens with other folks too,once you like the one u talking to(dating) and even if u’re not at the point where exclusivity has been discussed,but the attraction is intense,getting intimate is assured!The exclusive talk usually comes later,after i have knocked the cobwebs a cpple of times. Aint that right guys?????

By kimmie

November 20, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Dan - Your statistics are not practical because they come with many assumptions/conditions. You assume that the random encounters include contraception from both participants. Well, we see how “responsible” most folks are - evidence the unwanted pregnancies and STD’s(whether they are going up or not). I would also think that the person in a monagamous relationship that decides to step out would be apt to practice safer sex because they have more to lose and don’t want to “bring something home”. But we all know that does not often happen either - evidence outside kids and STDs there too.

I mean really Dan, how would you like it if you are dating a lady and she told you she had a one nite stand, but said “Hey it’s okay though, you know the statistics so it’s all good!”

By morality

November 20, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

an old Spanish saying says “the man who has been with many women has loved none of them. The one who has been with just one woman has loved them all”. Is it about self-gratification? Or is it about the greater societal good of two people becoming one, having a family, strong values? The free-love era of the 60’s certainly wasn’t free as the children of those face countless STD’s. In 1960 there were two STD’s. People are paying the price today for the “freedom” of yesterday. Treasure the gift of the one who shares your soul and then you’ll appreciate other women as special human beings-not objects of lust.

By GeeGirl

November 20, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

@Dan

You’re right about impulse control. It really all depends on what a person finds “irresistible” whether its a ridiculously overpriced pair of shoes or another person. IMO people who shop, eat, gamble, have sex and so forth on impulse are all trying to satisfy some unfulfilled or unrecognized personal need and it takes a great deal of often painful self-reflection to identify the impulse triggers. Regardless of the outlet the impulse takes, the results can be devastating for those close to the person.

As for the reader’s case, if it was clearly communicated that they were exclusive then what she did was wrong and he should proceed with extreme caution. However, I have sometimes found myself involved with others who had very different expectations that were not clearly communicated as in - I thought we were just having fun, only to discover that they wanted me to be exclusive without actually saying so until I am unavailable because I’ve got plans with another interest and then it’s suddenly a problem. As Sasha said, it’s all about communication, so I’ve learned to clarify and ask for clarification of expectations up front.

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

@Sue… So if a guy told you your number 3 on his rotation you would be good with that?

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

If I ask the question, I want to know period. I don’t want you to spare my feelings. I’ve asked for a reason.

You may not volunteer information, such as a one night stand, but if I ask, I expect you to tell me. I’ll deal with whatever answer I’m given, even if I’m not happy with it.

By Foots

November 20, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

Hey Amazon! I’m good, miss hanging out with you guys though.

Will Smith? Yeah, I could see that. And if my SO told me he slept with Angelina Jolie, I might have to let that one pass too. Matter of fact, I might be a little disappointed because he didn’t let me watch. But that’s the only woman on Earth he’d get a pass for. LOL

melo If we are not in a relationship yet,dont tell me about ur private trashy stuff and i wont tell you about my own trashy stuff.

I agree 100%.

Sidney Your whole post is on point.

M All that to say, I think some women when they start dating you, are definately getting their needs met somewhere else in the early stages…Someone to hold them down, maintenance man, etc whatever? Thoughts ladies?

I actually don’t. I go without for months when I’m not in a relationship, so it’s not a big deal to me to wait on my new relationship to get to the point where I can make a decision about whether or not I will take things to an intimate level. There’s not been a case where I just couldn’t control myself and had to have some that bad that I couldn’t wait for the man I was really interested in.

By Fulton

November 20, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

WD - I’ve never had a one nighter so if we’re supposed to be in a relationship and a woman confesses that fact, we will probably not advance too much further. Although the honesty might be appreciated, the bad decision making cannot be ignored. Especially in this day & age…

Still looking - Fulton!

By MELO

November 20, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

So if a guy told you your number 3 on his rotation you would be good with that Sue is a competitor,she wants to work her way to the top,if she is number 3!! This game is about you and all the other qualified ladies,pining for the same guy.

By Letty

November 20, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

an old Spanish saying says “the man who has been with many women has loved none of them. The one who has been with just one woman has loved them all”. Is it about self-gratification? Or is it about the greater societal good of two people becoming one, having a family, strong values

With that being said and forthcoming slight turn of topic, is it humanly possible to have made a wrong decision by cheating (nothing ongoing just an incident), patch and iron out the differences and wrongs in an effort to make things right and remain friends? I mean is it really humanly possible. Friends being no sex or intimacy attached. Not soliticing snide remarks or stones tossed but true insightful from personal experiences. In my mind somewhere, now that things are patched, I should keep moving. I want to treat others the way I want to be treated and if friends is too much, I’m willing to let it go.

By Angie

November 20, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

i have a jokey joke:

a hillbilly couple walks out of divorce court and the wife is cryin’ her heart out. the husband says “shyt biitch, we still cousins!”

morning ladies.

By Mrs. Aufton Izzabytch

November 20, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

I think some women when they start dating you, are definately getting their needs met somewhere else in the early stages

That’s usually a guy thing.

I was watching Private Practice where a man had two wives. He met the one while married to other and became attached. He said he wanted to the right thing so he married the other one. Bull. He cheated and then tried to make it right by committing another wrong. Bull.

In the end he lost them both when they found out about each other.

By Leggs

November 20, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

@ GeeGirl…As for the reader’s case, if it was clearly communicated that they were exclusive then what she did was wrong and he should proceed with extreme caution. Most definitely. His caution will manifest itself in him dogging her out thereby turning the tables where she will not want him more cause he won’t want her like he did in the beginning. I got your impulse thing Dan.

By MLL

November 20, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

going out on a first date that ended in s3x is considered a one night stand also, maybe that was the case wise*? There could be more to the story that the reader is not revealing.

By SweetPotatoPiewithWhipCream

November 20, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

Yes people still have ONE NIGHT STANDS why is that so hard to believe? It’s done when certain people are cheating on their spouse.

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

This game is about you and all the other qualified ladies,pining for the same guy.

Melo if that ain’t the silliest bs i’ve heard you say to the ladies on this blog. ‘come on guy…for real!?!?!

Ared Ok! If i asked anything, I’d like to hear all honesty from my SO. Even if i’m not content with the answers.

By Angie

November 20, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

So if a guy told you your number 3 on his rotation you would be good with that?

THIS is the #1 reason why i was single in GA and the reason why many women are STILL single!

he is not ready and i’m too old for the games.

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

Hey Angie.

By Dan

November 20, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

@Kimmie

The statistics nor the assumptions are false.

Most people wear protection, if for no other reason, than ingrained fear.

So what’s a more risky behavior, really, having protected sex with one person one time, or unprotected sex with one person multiple times? Given that the infection rate is static.

By Wise Diva

November 20, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

yeah, I agree with you Shelby, what I meant by that was, men perceive some behavior as “typical chick behavior” (causing drama, picking fights, acting insecure, etc.) when really, she is just not relationship material and is purposely sabotaging things to show him that, as opposed to telling him that she doesn’t want a commitment

By kimmie

November 20, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

I actually don’t. I go without for months when I’m not in a relationship, so it’s not a big deal to me to wait on my new relationship to get to the point where I can make a decision about whether or not I will take things to an intimate level. There’s not been a case where I just couldn’t control myself and had to have some that bad that I couldn’t wait for the man I was really interested in. Foots - See that is me all the way. Like Mrs. Aufton said, that’s usually a guy thing.

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

Yes people still have ONE NIGHT STANDS why is that so hard to believe?It’s done when certain people are cheating on their spouse.

SweetPotato Soooooo true and i’m glad you reminded. Lol…i like that name.

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

And if my SO told me he slept with Angelina Jolie, I might have to let that one pass too. But that’s the only woman on Earth he’d get a pass for. LOL

LOL @ Foots. Everyone knows I love me some Boris Kodjoe. And I’ve had the chance to meet him several times, he even goes to my church.

Even if he wasn’t married, I would pass up the invitation to have one night stand with him (he never offered anyway, but still). That’s just something I’d never count as an accomplishment. I don’t see how one night stands are anything to brag about.

Even still, I know not everyone feels the same way. While I joke about a pass, I can understand someone wanting to go for such a rare opportunity. Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t get shanked real quick tho, but just a surface wound. LOL

By david

November 20, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

Wise Diva…but why does she torpedo just because she is spooked…that’s what I’m trying to understand about this and past experiences…spooked seems natural, commitments are hard…unless one is really that cold to end relationships that way, I’m done…next…leaving the other to make sense of it all…I guess all is fair in love and war…

By MELO

November 20, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

Cemeeli in all these years u been dating,u never heard of chicks competing for a guy?? Thats All im saying about Sue’s situ and post and in response to SHELBY’s 10.52,nothing really about what i feel on an on going basis on this. Thats why chics trash guys cars etc,mostly coz they feel they have been wronged and usually, there is another chic in the pic,thats why there is so much rage…see..

By SweetPotatoPiewithWhipCream

November 20, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

^5 Angie

By Angie

November 20, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

chicks competing for a guy

i could never understand this. if i have a feeling that something is amidst … i dismiss myself quietly or not.

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

Melo of course i’ve known of women competing for a guy. But you offered it to Sue as her aim. Why compete if he’s with/exclusively for her then no need to compete with hags. That’s why CEE is looking at the screen sideways…Now if your consensus is not that for most us women, then i retreat.

We brought that win in lastnight PoppaG. That game was rowdy!!!

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

Insecure chicks with nothing production going on compete all the time. Not necessary for his heart but to be #1 ” His top 6itch”. They get so wrapped into the game until they are lost. Dudes know when this is happing and establishes control over the situation. He just might mess with her mentals and tell her about the chick he was with a few hours ago. Nobody likes losing but some can’t see when they are truly winning cause the smoke is too think.

By MELO

November 20, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

you offered it to Sue as her aim yes coz she left that option open,see I would at least want to be informed before,we dont knw what she gonna do when she hears the news that she is no.3.Bounce or negotiate a better contract!

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Where are the “bible thumpers” today?

Doesn’t the bible states: Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh…

So why is it hard to understand the motives of certain people’s actions?

Forgiveness is the next step….move on.

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this

@david..they only torpedo when they feel like you would not manage them well..see submissive women to these things..they want you to open them up…they dont want to tell you that secretly they like to be dominated….one sign of a submissive women…she never stops talking…nervous energy…knowing this get her to talk about the right things…second sign..to many rules….most folks dont have any standards beyond there last relationship…so set some new ones…and the third sure fire sign of a submissive women…they brag on all there mate qualities..what they can do in the bedroom but they dont like sex or think its a big deal….again they are telling you we just not listening…because the male ego has to believe we have conquered this women…thing is women know when we are messing with there heads..but they allow it to conitnue because it feeds that side of them that has to be controlled and dominated…its real easy when you sit back in think about it….only thing hard about dating is keeping it at just dating because when you meet someone and you vibing you instanly want to get oneitis and give her all your time and attention…i would advise against that and date a broad range of women of all shapes an sizes to get a clear picture…but these are just my humble two brown brothers…

By I HATE ATTENTION WHOR3S!

November 20, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

@ SWEET POATATO….IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL US?

LMAO!

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

Melo If she is #3 I bet she already know in the back of her mind but she holding on to this is MY man. So are the other chicks.

By Dan

November 20, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

@Staceye

Thinking of you last night, I downloaded a Black Mamba app for the iPhone.

It’s just as treacherous as you claim to be.

By Poppa Grande

November 20, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

Cee

We brought that win in lastnight PoppaG. That game was rowdy!!!

They needed that win, for their confidence if nothing else. They were able to pull a win out of their azz when they did not have all of their weapons. They needed a win to remind them that it starts with defense.

Offense always gets glory, but defense win championships. Dallas and Phoenix tried that outscoring mentality and they have not rings to show for it.

By The good side!

November 20, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

Hello to all the sexy, intelligent sistas of all races who are on this blog!

In regards to the topic the young lady is fine they were only dating not in a relationship!

A special spiritual hello to the BLACK MAAAAAAAAMBA!

To AmazonRed: Boris would get that if he pursued you don’t try to front on this blog! LOL

By MELO

November 20, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

No 1.Where are the “bible thumpers” today? Tazzee is my girl and very religous too and u snide her, i get collateral damage,for real.

Forgiveness is the next step….move on. Cee,and other ladies,u too Mrs Izzabytch if say u been seeing this dude for say 18 mnths,everthing is cool, u vibing,sleeping tgether and man,the chemistry is on point and u seem inseperable,but then,one day,u discover dude has a side,but fly chic he sees on the sly side,And u get mad etc.After all the tantrums and drama and apologies:Do u drop the guy instantly or u work things out coz u like the feel of the relatiosnhip prior to this incident. (no semantics ladies,just give me ur str8 talk coz this happens, a lot!)

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

PoppaG M. Bibby was on his square lastnight. He’s short, and has some quick play set up. He has held his ground since he’s been here. Yup, we needed that win after a 4game losing streak. J-Smoove was elated, and standing up infront of us alot during the game. My son was admiring his suit and his bling…

They play the Bobcats on Friday night…i have hopes they can pull it off.

By mayretter local

November 20, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

ya go out, ya get yer swerve on, ya talk to some cutie, and she’s ok w/ some smoochie, and then some grabbie, and then the next thing you know…

if you’re single & out on the scene, it happens. those of y’all talkin’ about two dates = exclusive are kinda controlling, doncha think? and unless we are “committed / exclusive”, i don’t want to hear about her other dates, same as i wouldn’t be telling her about mine.

c’mon people, some things are best left unsaid… just because the thought crosses your mind doesn’t mean you need to say it out loud.

By Angie

November 20, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

colleges and employers are now visiting applicant’s myspace pages as a part of the hiring process. fyi

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

Boris would get that if he pursued you don’t try to front on this blog! LOL

Good Side, if he is still married, no he would not. I really believe some of y’all are primates. What’s hot about one night with someone who will be clearly dumping you to go back to their wife?

I don’t get it sorry.

By Angie

November 20, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

just give me ur str8 talk coz this happens

i left. another reason why i’m single. i meet these perfect gentlemen and end of leaving cause i find out their triflin’.

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

@Rell when you meet someone and you vibing you instanly want to get oneitis and give her all your time and attention…i would advise against that and date a broad range of women of all shapes an sizes to get a clear picture

This is not just some “MAN LAW” this is golden for ladies too. What is wrong with us openly dating whomever strike our fancy until we fill we found “THE ONE”? It works only if she/he is honest in telling the other person they are dating other people. Unfortunately this doesn’t eliminate the chase for some in hope of that #1 spot. Agreeing, playing submissive and cooperative until she/he feels they have the control to advance to that position.

Again, too much time on their hands and nothing-productive going on.

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this

melo I do not snide a bible thumber, I am one!

Tazzee knows this as well.

And u get mad etc.After all the tantrums and drama and apologies:Do u drop the guy instantly or u work things out coz u like the feel of the relatiosnhip prior to this incident.

I would have to consult with my innerself and reach very deep. The incision that fool caused to our realtionship would take one a whole recovery. Surgery at that point could go either way, to death or rehab/PT. Both still hurts….

Hi Good Side. thanks

By MELO

November 20, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

i meet these perfect gentlemen u talking short-term Angie,im talking of u being in one relatiosnhip longterm,re 18 mnths and u vibing.

By Angie

November 20, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

good side what would be the purpose of giving up the puddy to a man who has no purpose in your life before and after doing the nasty?

By MELO

November 20, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

What’s hot about one night with someone who will be clearly dumping you to go back to their wife? Do u ladies get itchy,the same intense way, dwn there??

By Foots

November 20, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

melo u been seeing this dude for say 18 mnths,everthing is cool, u vibing,sleeping tgether and man,the chemistry is on point and u seem inseperable,but then,one day,u discover dude has a side,but fly chic he sees on the sly side,And u get mad etc.After all the tantrums and drama and apologies:Do u drop the guy instantly or u work things out coz u like the feel of the relatiosnhip prior to this incident.

No tantrums required. Relationships are built on trust. If everything about us led me to believe that we were exclusive and that he was worthy of my trust, then I find out that we were not and he was not, then yes, I’d drop him. I would not want a person capable of that type of deception and disrespect for what I thought was an exclusive relationship.

By Leme Cidemcheeks

November 20, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

As long as people are being honest about what their dealings are, how can you hate on it. They are just “doing them”. You can then decide on what you can handle, if any of it. If honesty is not in the picture, then we have some type of problem potentially.

My real question to dude, is why if they were getting tight like that, and she had an itch…why didn’t she call him to scratch that itch for her? Instead of some random cat…..

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

@Angie

Why would I tell a potential college or employer my myspace sight? Who you are professionally is not who you are socially unless you have a job where you can be on.

By GeeGirl

November 20, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

@ Mayretter

You are so right! I prefer to have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy with the guys I’m just dating. And it takes a lot more than 2 dates for me determine whether I want to be exclusive.

By The good side!

November 20, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

To Red:

I am pulling your string I have read many of your posts. They are filled with wit,intelligence,humor and sophistication and that shows mean you are a woman of substance!

Cee try not to get to high for those Hawks coach Woodson is a weak coach!

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

what would be the purpose of giving up the puddy to a man who has no purpose in your life before and after doing the nasty?

Angie - Precisely. Good post.

By Angie

November 20, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

hi shelby! all i’m sayin’ is to use a different e-mail for your wild side. wink

By Willie Dynamite

November 20, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

Rell I’ll piggyback on the last part of your 11:39. People have turned dating into a relationship itself. Honestly speaking when you only been on a few dates and already talking that exclusive crap then you setting yaself up for failure. Honesty really is a lost Art. If you just dating then tell the other person you just dating. At that point if you feel the need to have a one niter then so be it. As stated above when you get to vibing and oneitis steps in the other person may not be on that same level. Thats what dating is for. Just because youve thrown away the black book and giving 100% of your time and effort in doesnt mean she will. She may still want some Dynamite in her life.

On topic- the chick had no intentions of staying in the relationship. By whose standard was it even an exclusive relationship. I translated that whole story into ol girl wanting a Sponsor. She obviously didnt feel ol boy like that and by doing what she did and telling him she knows where the line is drawn. When dude gets to crying and shyt talking bout working it out then she got him. Plain and simple.

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

Do u ladies get itchy,the same intense way, dwn there??

melo, I guess it varies by the individual. That feeling has never been so strong to allow me to get myself in one night stand situations. I always think more about what I have to lose.

But I’ve never been an impulsive person. You’re talking to the girl that is in the market for a new (used) car in late 2009 and started doing my research last night. LOL

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

They are filled with wit,intelligence,humor and sophistication and that shows mean you are a woman of substance!

LOL Good Side, you must be reading selectively, but thanks. I caught your “LOL” so I knew you were joking, but I just used the oppotunity to get on my soap box. I have a post quota to meet. LMAO.

By Dan

November 20, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

@WillieD

Exactly.

That honesty is lost becuase no one wants to “hurt feelings”, especially if it’s good.

So, there are two people in a situation, being called a relationship, based only on assumptions.

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

Do u ladies get itchy,the same intense way, dwn there??

By the way melo, in comparison I have a friend who says that if a guy starts touching her in that way she’s gonna have sex with him. Once she’s there, she can’t turn that feeling off, so she goes with it.

She had a one night stand by this married guy at a step show we were at. She got knocked up and had his baby too. Drama ensued. LOL

By Mrs. Aufton Izzabytch

November 20, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

melo going back to 18 months…I would have walked. We had already had the talk at that time. Now, after 4-1/2 years dating and 3 years of marriage? I will walk and be extremely hurt. Ask me again in 17 years and I may see a reason to consider trying to work it out. However I may not.

Like I said earlier to be faithful is a choice. I have also stated on here before, I clearly recognize when I have been merely talking to someone too long that I should not be, therefore dismissing myself from the situation.

Infidelity doesn’t just jump on you. People put themselves in situations to get burned.

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

@WD…..cosign…again its simple, folks just like to make it hard

By Foots

November 20, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this

Willie D People have turned dating into a relationship itself. Honestly speaking when you only been on a few dates and already talking that exclusive crap then you setting yaself up for failure.

Dating should not be considered a relationship. However, if you are both talking about exclusivity and are ready to be with just each other, what’s wrong with it?

By Jessica

November 20, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

I would not keep dating someone if they told me they had a one night stand. Its too much going around these days.

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

Just because youve thrown away the black book and giving 100% of your time and effort in doesnt mean she will.

I also agree. Life is just easier when you see and accept things for what they are.

Nothing’s established til it’s established. LOL

By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

November 20, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this

Hi All, Hi WD

This is not baseball. For me, one strike and you’re out. There are tooooo many attractive, interesting, and MONOGAMOUS women to deal with someone who wants to “swim in multiple pools”. It is that simple for me. As the saying goes, “don’t let the door hit you on the azz as you leave.”

I haven’t had any that confessed to me, but I have walked away (more than once) from long term relationships when there was even a hint of an ex coming into the picture. It is like “Golden Corral” out there as far as women. If I don’t like this one, I will try something else.

By M.

November 20, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

One thing I learned in dating is that you are what you are…

@Blog

Think about your past relationships and the ones that didnt work for whatever reason, I am sure that some of ourisms had something to do with it or as Wise described it Chick behavior and us sabatoging a relationship.

By Willie Dynamite

November 20, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

Footsy I was making reference to how ol boy said his opinion changed because he thought they were ready for an exclusive relationship. If they were already in a relationship (so he thought) why would he have to think if was exclusive or not. I just took it to mean that he set the status in his mind and was caught thinking love and ol girl was just dating.

By SCamp

November 20, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

Nobody wants to admit this but people are much more likely to forgive one who has a steady job, good income and spends money on them. The unemployed bum gets thrown aside. You can say it is broken promise or broken sommitment and only based on feelings but it ain’t true.

By Wise Diva

November 20, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

Hey RandyT!

By SweetPotatoPiewithWhipCream

November 20, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this

That’s a good point and also very true SCamp

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

people are much more likely to forgive one who has a steady job, good income and spends money on them. The unemployed bum gets thrown aside.

Um…YEAH! LOL. The unemployed bum already has enough strikes against him, now I gotta deal with his wayward dyck too?

Yeah, get gone bruh! LOL

By maybe later

November 20, 2008 12:53 PM | Link to this

im having a bit of a hard following/understanding where the relationship was when the one night stand occured. and where was the relationship when she told him this?
if they were casually dating and it was understood that they werent exclusive then whats the problem? even if he had chosen not to see anyone else the relationship was understood to be open. did she tell him this during a talk about taking the relationship to the next level? or maybe while talking with him about where the relationship was or was going she believed he had already thought they were exclusive and she hadnt? so now shes trying to be honest by telling him i wasnt with the understanding we were exclusive,however, you did and while you thought that i had a one one stand. otherwise, im not sure why you would tell someone something you did with someone else in your past when you werent exclusive to that person? was she wanting him to confess if he had done the same? whats the point? now if they were both with the understanding that they were exclusive in their relationship with one another and she had a one night stand—-well thats cheating. one night stand, two night stand, a month long affair-whatever. cheating is cheating.

By Angie

November 20, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

scamp not true. i’m living proof that a successful man will be kicked to the curb just like a broke one!

By Foots

November 20, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

Willie D I just took it to mean that he set the status in his mind and was caught thinking love and ol girl was just dating.

Understood, and I agree with you if dude had it in his mind that they were exclusive, but they had never discussed it.

What’s still confusing to me is that ol’ girl said that she “did not want their new relationship to be impacted”. So were they really in a relationship or not?

To your point, they both need to admit to themselves and each other whether the relationship was real and agreed upon in order to know what to do next. But I do think that it didn’t serve a higher purpose for her to tell him about the ONS if she wanted to continue the relationship as it was.

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

@SCAMP Nobody wants to admit this but people are much more likely to forgive one who has a steady job, good income and spends money on them.

Not me! I have a zero tolerance for disrespect. Now I will forgive him. I will still end the relationship and move on to the next… That is considering I was looking for a relationship

By MLL

November 20, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

what would be the purpose of giving up the puddy to a man who has no purpose in your life before and after doing the nasty? Angie b/c for every man looking for a one night stand there’s a woman looking for one too

By I HATE ATTENTION WHOR3S!

November 20, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this

where is truth?

By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

November 20, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this

I personally cannot remember when the last time the term “exclusive” came up as a benchmark of where a relationship was. One is either dating me, or she is dating others. If she is dating others, then that is fine, just don’t call me. Unless it is at the absolute beginning of a relationship (first date or two), then dating around is still understood, but if we have been seeing each other for more than twice or three times, then we are either a couple or we are not. If she wants to date around, then obviously the “magic did not work”.

Personally, I don’t generally date around (one woman at a time is confusing enough for me). I may regret this when I am old and gray, but I don’t need anymore “notches” n the bedpost, or an excel sheet so that I can see how many rows I can fill in. I am very content with one woman at a time, if I cam content I stay, if I am not, I leave. I expect the same in return.

By FedUp

November 20, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

These days, you are STUPID to have a one night stand. There are kidnappers, murderers, sexual deviates out there, not to mention the life-threatening diseases. I’d have to really KNOW someone before becoming intimate with them…and that includes ANY type of intimacy. Nowadays, it pays to ask questions, demand medical reports showing they are clean (which doesn’t mean a lot since they can pick up a deadly disease between the time they got the report and the time they met you!). So, we’d have to be in a monogamous relationship, at which time we would BOTH be tested at the same time. I don’t take chances with my health, and most especially, with my LIFE.

If my partner said he had a one night stand, it would be over, not only from a health standpoint, but from a loyalty and trust standpoint. I could never trust them again.

By kimmie

November 20, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

Hey Dan - I was out to lunch, so that’s why I’m responding so late. I did not say your statistics were false. I said they were not practical. Numbers are just that - numbers. They have very little to do with human behavior or matters of the heart. I could get an actuarial to calculate that, based on my lifestyle(non-smoker, well-employed so have access to health care, no drug or alcohol additions, healthy weight, no high blood pressure, etc) I should live to at least 80. Won’t mean nothing if I walk outside and get hit by a truck or get shot. And all the unwanted pregnancies and yes std whether static or not is proof that people don’t protect themselves like they should. Where do you get that MOST people use protection? A lot of supposedly intelligent people get burned from not protecting themselves. Are std rates going down? Also condoms do break and there are some viruses so small that they actually go through condoms. You probably know this already.

I say all this to say that IMO that one nite stands are wreckless in this day & age. All it takes is one time, one mistake for you to be on the wrong side of the statistics. Numbers won’t mean a thing then.

By DuShawn

November 20, 2008 1:07 PM | Link to this

I’ve had a lot of forced one night stands. In other word’s, I’ll meet the chick, we get it down, I think Imma continue to hit anytime I want. Then when I call her, she informs me that the diznic was so whack, I need to lose her number.

By Gregg

November 20, 2008 1:10 PM | Link to this

Some people have one-night stands just to have a place to lay their head. But, MLL is correct two people need to define the term dating and what it means to them.

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

but they had never discussed it.

However, if you have met that person and you both have had “the talk”, things change. The expectations of a relationship are such that you both agree to focus on each other exclusively.

WillieD I thought, silly me that, that^^ statement was about them being exclusive. If ol gurl all of a sudden got amnesia when she found herself under bigboy of Mr. Wang than maybe she suffers from a condition.

Angie You got some more of that you posted? :)

PoppaG Are you emmersed in Law 101 today?

By GeeGirl

November 20, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

@ MLL Angie b/c for every man looking for a one night stand there’s a woman looking for one too

Amen! Sometimes it takes more than a battery to jump start your engine lol

By MELO

November 20, 2008 1:14 PM | Link to this

One is either dating me, or she is dating others thats hw we played it during my time.Well,at least thats hw the ladies i dated played it,BACK THEN,one at a time.Nowadays tho,these chics do the same thing old skool guys used to do or new age guys do,date around,several at once.Exclusivity is a new age term,coined by the generation X. If u just date but dont spell it out if there is a relationship or not,that chic u had dinner with last nite is on another man’s arm the next nite.And they are just dating too!!LMAO

By FedUp

November 20, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this

DuShawn…from the sounds of you, I think I’d tell you the same thing. A woman is NOT just for you to “hit anytime you want”.

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

I could never trust them again.

So many walking wounded around these parts.

FedUp, pain is a part of life. People are going to hurt you. That is a given. I’m not saying you need to accept any old treatment, nor that you should never leave a cheater. But I am saying that you won’t get out of this life not being hurt by the ones you love. Depending on the circumstance, you’ll have to learn to forgive and trust again.

No need to get Fed Up. :-)

By Willie Dynamite

November 20, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

Footsy agreed, however to your last sentence being the typical man that I am, I read that she knew exactly what she was doing by telling him. She needed to change the dynamics of the situation and prolly succeeded. Ol boy crying on somebody shoulder now thinking what can he get her for X-Mas to make it better. Chick just smiling having lunch with her friends toasting to her newfound sponsor.lol!!! I think buddy got put on the team and didnt realize it. He wants to be the Franchise player but she still working out free agents.

Similac she got a condition awright but it aint amnesia.

By Angie

November 20, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this

two people need to define the term dating and what it means to them.

gregg come here! closer! smack. you know good and well if i asked you to define our relationship your response would be why we gotta put a name on it.

By Paul

November 20, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

Dorks, get a life!

By Soulfinger

November 20, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

I agree with most of whats been said. I feel like I would always want to know what the situation is that way I can make an informed decision. I have never had some guy who I was getting to know tell me he just had a one night stand. But I can honestly say I would appreciate his honesty and thank him for letting me see his true colors before we got deeper involved. I dont think I would be mad at him especially if we are in the embryonic stages of our “relationship”, I would simply tell him thanks, but no thanks.

By Angie

November 20, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

I could never trust them again.

my breakup taught me to love more … love harder.

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

WillieD I guess i’m ol school then, ‘cuase i date for exclusiveness. Or i don’t date. If im in a realtionship I aint ‘bout to loss my raggedy mind or, bump my head over some dizzle. When my man looks at me i want him to see tranparent love and honesty. A solid chic! It’s too much to deal with all this bs that folks doing.

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

I wonder how much these dudes answers would change if the genders in WiseDiva’s post were reversed.

By MLL

November 20, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

RandyT @ 1:04 so you’re saying that if you go out more than three times with a woman then it’s automatically in a relationship?

By FedUp

November 20, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

Oh yes…I learned a LOT from sour break-ups. And I have had several very successful relationships and a very long (33 years) marriage. So, that blows your theories about me.

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

lol @ Angie— Heck yes that is exactly the response!

By kimmie

November 20, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

Sister Cee - On you 1:28 - we are sisters, we definitely think alike.

By Willie Dynamite

November 20, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

Similac already knew you were a solid chic. You also know the game and that right there is a part of the game.

AmRed From what I’m reading I dont think most of the dudes here would change there position. But then again I could see some major male bashing goin on. I dont think too many dudes would tell a chic they had a ONS. Most of us are not wired that way. Stand up dudes would not have them (when in a relationship)and the dudes that did wouldnt have the honesty to say it.

By DuShawn

November 20, 2008 1:41 PM | Link to this

The worst part of a one night stand is after the deed is done, exhausted and spent you withdraw only to discover the condom now resembles a doughnut wrapped around the base of your diznic. You instantly sober up, your mind fills with panic, you don’t want to tell her the rubba broke, so you swiftly roll over, rush to the bathroom and wash up in the sink, futilely hoping that hot, soapy water has somehow become a miracle cure for HIV and other STDs. The next morning you’re in church, next to your wife, can’t even concentrate on the word, thinking to yourself, I hope this chick ain’t burn me….dayum, what if she’s pregnant!

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 1:42 PM | Link to this

WillieD Yes you are correct she has put him on Team 1.

By The good side!

November 20, 2008 1:42 PM | Link to this

I have a question for the ladies!

Can you admit to a person you are dating that you have had a one night stand!

Men admit to it all the time because we are kings of earth!

What is up ole wise Melo?

STACEEE/MAAAAAAMMMBA where are you! We need your intellectual essence to touch the blog today?

By MELO

November 20, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

would change if the genders in WiseDiva’s post were reversed like if it was the guy who had a one night and told that experience to the lady ared?? No sane guy wld do that unless he disrespects the chic that much.Or the relationship ‘tween them is understood:a flucking one,so there are no scruples,no holds barred..u talk about anything gutter and evrything about ur sexx liasons…blahhhhhh

By Foots

November 20, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

Amazon I wonder how much these dudes answers would change if the genders in WiseDiva’s post were reversed.

You mean that they may think that they should be forgiven and that life should move on if they cheat? LOL

I think (I hope) that most men on here play by rules of fairness. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, even in cases of cheating.

By Greg

November 20, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

Angie……….. humans aren’t robots or characters out of soap-operas they are individuals and communication is the lube to a happy relationship.

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

Dang DuShawn are you telling us a personal story? :)

By MELO

November 20, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this

DuShawn,ur 1.41..thats why i pine for the good ole days!!!!This is the age of technology but i dont see it,its a fraud by these pharmaceutical companies,all the remedies they have are for temp relief so u have to come back and buy some more pills..Back then,for the uninitiated, all a guy did,an hr or so be4 the deed, was pop 2 antibiotics and then go hit it raw,thereafter with ur girl.All the lil swimming nonsense wld be taken care of!! Oh,i wish we got those days back….

what up The good side!

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

Thanks Coach. You think I should gon’ head and start pouring up me a couple brown ones…cause a chic is tiiied of topheads, and the circles. ——-> DAYUM!

Kimmie My apologies sis for swearing the day after such a wonderful shopping day.hahaha…imma make my way to ToysRUs tonight and get intouch with my innergame gurl.

By kimmie

November 20, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

Dan - Read Dushawn’s 1:41 - That right there is what I’m talking about!

By Angie

November 20, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

greggy poo awww. will you marry me?

lol. j/k.

By Richard Johnson

November 20, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

The greatest favor ever done for me was by a woman who was a one-night stand. The stuff she yelled out during the act while my roommate was in the next room was the greatest ego boost. Thanks! Wish I remembered your name.

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

@ared..i stated that earlier…that in the past i have keep my mouth closed when i stepped out…or like foots said wanted to be forgiven and move…..i have learned its best to let that thing breath/burn….the impact will send shockwaves for years in your relationship…so going forward i have learned that honesty no matter the outcome really is the way to go

By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

November 20, 2008 1:54 PM | Link to this

@MLL so you’re saying that if you go out more than three times with a woman then it’s automatically in a relationship?

Not exactly. What I am saying is that after two or three dates, I can decide whether I want to move toward a relationship or not. If so, then I keep calling, if not, I don’t. I am saying though that after a few dates, an element of respect enters the picture for me. If a woman respects me (as I respect her), then she will not need or want others. If the woman needs or wants other companionship that is fine, and I will bow out and let someone else deal with it. I would say after two or three dates, we are either heading for a fullblown relationship or we are not. I (and this is just me) do not “date” to be “dating”. I’d rather be home with a beer and a good book, than to drop a hundred or so on some “party girl”. I tend to like deeper involvements. Again, that is just me.

By MLL

November 20, 2008 1:54 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Du funny and sad yet true….thanks for sharing your personal experience

By Angie

November 20, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

so you’re saying that if you go out more than three times with a woman then it’s automatically in a relationship?

this is when you act as if …

By GeeGirl

November 20, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

Interesting thought, AmRed. It seems to me that the old double-standard still exists for the women, especially with so many protesting that they are “old school, only date one at a time” kinda gals. Because let’s be honest, if a woman admits to dating and, gasp!, perhaps being intimate with more than one guy at a time, then she is immediately branded a whor3 and worse. Men do it and they are called playas.

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

Can you admit to a person you are dating that you have had a one night stand!

I personally would not have a one-night stand. If I am that dissatisfied with some aspect of the relationship that I have to turn to another. Then its dead anyway so I woudl just it quits……….. Unless I was a underhanded, deceitful, gold digging under cover whor3… Then you NO I would not say nothing at all. More like having my cake and eating it to until the ish hit the fan.

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

Im’a adopt a homeless family for the holidays.

Any one know if Hosea Willaim’s feed the hungry is doing better as of late?

By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

November 20, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

@ duShawn

Drop off the wifey part and have that t-shirt. You are right on all of it, except for one thing…the inevitable question at the door, “are you going to call me???” I hate that question, because I hate lying. My mom used to beat the living hellz out of me if she even THOUGHT I was lying.

One more thought re your post…some would disagree, but personally I believe the mantra, “there aint no such thing as free sex”. To me, it all has a price tag, whether it is financial, physical, relational (with others),or emotional. It is up to each of us to decide is that a price we are willing to pay.

By MLL

November 20, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

RandyT I’m like that also but I make sure we are on the same page, don’t want to be the only one in a relationship.

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

@GEE

Because let’s be honest, if a woman admits to dating and, gasp!, perhaps being intimate with more than one guy at a time, then she is immediately branded a whor3 and worse. Men do it and they are called playas.

NAW love…i would pop collar to her….ho$ get paid..sluts dont..so if she needs to get that out of her more power….just not with me….and players usually look for women to fund there lifestyle before sex…players just dont sleep with women for the sake of sleeping with them…she has to provided a need or supply some funds…just clearing it up

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 2:15 PM | Link to this

“there aint no such thing as free sex”. To me, it all has a price tag, whether it is financial, physical, relational (with others),or emotional. It is up to each of us to decide is that a price we are willing to pay.

^^^^agree…was told to me by a wise man once

By Angie

November 20, 2008 2:15 PM | Link to this

directed mainly at du …

you must get to a point in your life where you feel responsible for what may come out of a one nighter. pregnancy, aids, std, a broken home, a stocker, lost job, hurt feelings.

when are you going to grow up dude? when are you going to finally get it?

By Angie

November 20, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

kimmie big poppa is married! hehehe. i knew it.

By SexyCool

November 20, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

my motto is this (or at least it used to be)…depending on how long we’ve been dating and if we haven’t had the ‘i am only sleeping with you and you are only sleeping with me’ talk…then i am going to assume that you could possibly be sleeping with other people and you should make the same assumption…

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

@shelby

Unless I was a underhanded, deceitful, gold digging under cover whor3… Then you NO I would not say nothing at all. More like having my cake and eating it to until the ish hit the fan.

…cosign

By DuShawn

November 20, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

I think it’s important to define “One night Stand” My definition is meeting a female and knockin her down that same night. It’s not meeting her, subsequently taking her out on a date, and then having sex with her only once. Personally, if I meet a chick at a social gathering and a few hours later she wants to have sex, it would spook me. My alarm would go off. Either she’s trying to set me up to get robbed or she’s trying to give me something I can’t give back. Either way, I ain’t with it. In the words of one of our dead poets, ”I don’t want it if it’s that easy”

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

like if it was the guy who had a one night and told that experience to the lady ared?? No sane guy wld do that unless he disrespects the chic that much.

melo, what if I asked though? If I asked, he’d better tell me the truth.

By MELO

November 20, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

while my roommate was in the next room was the greatest ego boost I have had several one nightas/quickies in my my lyfe.All have been sexciting,not so much for the quality of the pudsy,but the emotioanal nature of it.One of my most memorable one was in a crowded train,whilst travelling from Johannessburg SA to KwaZulu-Natal ,my home provice one Xmas night(an 8 hr jrney)I had my 3 years junior bro with me and we were in a pvt cabin.The train was full of standing coach passengers going home for the holidays, so we stepped out of our comfort to peep outside and go hang and see what was popping outside.Thats when i saw this XHOSA cuty and i convinced her to come chill with me in my cabin.My brother followed in,he came empty handed but was occupying the top bunk bed. Now what made that shyyt sexciting was the fact that the train was policed by train guards and we werent supposed to bring in more pple in each cabin than had boght tickets for its use.And the guards wld move from coach and cabin to cabin to coach,checking for tickets etc,along the way.So i waz on my most alertness,my blood pressure was hyped,but hungry for pudsy at the same time,so u can imagine,my dyznick was sprung to attention!! I agree with u Richard Johnson,there is nothing as exhilarating as hitting a girl,when u know another horny guy is listening to ur act and their dyzznick is proly sprung and hurting them,while u enjoying that slippery back-n forth slide, and u rushing to get ur nutt cracked coz ur time is limited! TO this day,my bro marvels at that thoght!

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

Can you admit to a person you are dating that you have had a one night stand!

Good Side, I would. Anything I have to hide from someone I don’t do. If I can’t answer a direct question about it, I probably won’t do it. If I feel I have to take it to my grave, I definitely won’t do it!

I sleep very well at night!

By DuShawn

November 20, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

lol@ Angie….don’t be so gullible.

By MLL

November 20, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this

GEE for some men that would be right up their alley…easy lay.

By MELO

November 20, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

AmazonRedif i like u that much, i will lie to u with a str8,cold face.I wont plant no ideasin ur head for u to dump me if i want u that bad.If i dont care for u that much and u ask,ill give it to u.

By kimmie

November 20, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

Angie - And had only been dating him 7 months! How did she support herself before him and how is she now? She added drama, but they could have chosen a better example of a “housewife”. At least Sha-Ray is a divorcee. Has Kim ever even been married? Crazy, but entertainment you can watch and not have to “think”!LOL!

By MLL

November 20, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

SexyCool what if he asks you if this is his puddy while you’re in the mix and you say yes, does that count?

By For Real

November 20, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this

Chick: Dayummmm For Real you be putting it down baby!!

For Real: Well I do what I can do when I can do what i do…

Chick: I just love way our relationship is progressing.

For Real: RELATIONSHIP!?!?!?!?!?!

Chick: YEAH! RE-LA-TION-SHIP!!!

For Real: I thought this was a one night stand!

Chick: MITTY-FICKY WHAT?!?!?! WE BEEN FUGGIN FOR 18 MONTHS, 4 DAYS, AND 2 HOURS 19 MINUTES!!!!

For Real: with a confused/studpid look on his face So what’s your definition of a one night stand?

Chick now trying to stuff a box of condoms down For Real’s throat.

By Angie

November 20, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

Truth and For Real want to give a sista a tutorial on snatch shaving!

lol. have your man do it! best 4play ever.

du gullible? so whatcha sayin’? dude, are you a ho or not?

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 2:37 PM | Link to this

@AmazonRed with your foot on his neck…lol I don’t think he will tell you the truth in fear he will be sliced up…

When mean feel pressured or imtimidated they retreat to what we want to hear.

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this

AmazonRedif i like u that much, i will lie to u with a str8,cold face.I wont plant no ideasin ur head for u to dump me if i want u that bad.If i dont care for u that much and u ask,ill give it to u.

melo, see this is how men get cut and bricks thru their ish. You’ve done the deed. And now your gonna lie to me about it.

Newsflash, if I ask you about it, chances are, I already know the answer. Lying to me will guarantee that you’ll get dumped and probably JUMPED.

I’m a big girl, I can handle a lot of things, but the honesty must be there. I’m glad not all men think like you. I can not stand a liar.

By MLL

November 20, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this

taking her out on a date, and then having sex with her only once. thump thump thump Du that’s still a one night stand

By DuShawn

November 20, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this

not

By lurker

November 20, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this

Angie Dushawn is mostly reminiscing. Life experiences. From the character he’s posted since posting, I’m sure every now and again something pops off but he rolls most with his wife. Even if others are included.

By MELO

November 20, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

what if he asks you if this is his puddylol MLL me thinks u been asked that qs..LOL.Its ur puddy,why is the man claiming it….i got u tho MLL….wanted to ask SexxYcol same qstion,so he can hit if u let him, but u free to let Tyrone hit it too,tmrw,right SexxyCool??

By SHELBY SHEA

November 20, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

Opps on the typos… My multi tasking is not working out to well ….lol

When men feel pressured or intimidated they retreat to what we want to hear.

Zip it buddy! lol

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this

@AmazonRed with your foot on his neck…lol I don’t think he will tell you the truth in fear he will be sliced up…

Shelby, I admit I’m a bit different. My foot doesn’t go onto the neck until I know you’re lying. LOL.

When I feel I’m being told the truth, even when I don’t like what I’m being told, I act calmly and rationally when I hear the news.

When I’ve found out you’ve lied that’s when crazy comes out.

So just do yourself a favor and tell the truth from the beginning.

Guys don’t want to tell it because they’re afraid you’ll use it as a “free pass.” All these are indications that your sorry azz isn’t even worth the time!

By DuShawn

November 20, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

MLL That’s not a one night stand, that’s a hit it and don’t call you no moe. Technically, to be considered a one night stand, you have to meet and splack the same night.

By GeeGirl

November 20, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

@Rell

Same can be said of women, looking for a sponsor. But you’d still call her a slut (or would that be a ho, since she’s getting something in exchange?!) in a clearly derogatory way, while I just don’t see the same negative name-calling applied to the man. And I don’t support the idea of just hooking up with random strangers wheneva; however, I don’t think its fair to label a woman a slut because she may decide to date more than one man at a time, and possibly be active with more than one at a time as well. Again, it all goes back to clearly communicating one’s expectations. I’ve been seeing a guy off and on for nearly a year. We have a great time, but our schedules are highly incompatible which precludes seeing more of each other, and besides, we’ve always been clear with one another that the current set-up works just fine for now. In the meantime, I’m not just gonna sit around waiting for a break in one or the other of our schedules. So yeah, I go out with other guys, and occasionally one might interest me enough to want to explore further. 14 years of being married (and faithful) to the wrong man has cured me of the “one at a time” dating philosophy. There’s always the chance I might find some one I want to consider that option with at some point, and then the situation will be re-evaluated. In the meantime, I’m not sitting at home watching stupid lifetime movies, hoping that maybe the pizza boy will really be Prince Charming come to rescue me.

By Angie

November 20, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

I’m sure every now and again something pops off but he rolls most with his wife. Even if others are included.

duh! du and his wife must start to feel something soon. why live so recklessly???????????

By MELO

November 20, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

ARED i hear what u saying but it also depends on the circumstnaces and ur demeanor.If we are a close cirlce of pple, i proly know u got a whiff of sme that happened.So a man will give it to u in a way that tries to present themsekves as favorable.If u heard i hit it, i may put some doubt on it,presenting it to u like we met wit the chic but we did not go all the way to intimatize,so that confirms part of ur story,but not all.A playa can use that on a chic that he knows likes him so she can spin that as a guy who was telling her the truth.And most chics will take that bullshyt back to their eves-dropper friends who gave them the news and fight them off as jealousy byttches.Believe that!!

By MLL

November 20, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

….you men always try to claim good puddy…..lol melo I’m pretty sure u’ve asked that question plenty times ya self lol….

By For Real

November 20, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this

Ared: Awwwww yeah For Real give it to me Biddy Daddy!!1

For Real: Oh you like that huh? Well how does this feelllllll!!!!

Ared: WOWWW!!!! OMG!!!!!

For Real: Whose puddy is it? Whoes puddy is it?

Ared: Yours for tonight!

For Real: Tonight!

Ared: Yeah tonight.

For Real: I can live with that… Where’s the anal lube?

By SexyCool

November 20, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

regardless of who is in it…it can only belong to me…

By MLL

November 20, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this

Du it’s a one night stand the same thing - hit and don’t call? It’s all the same thing just different dynamics JMO

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

And now i present to you boats and hoe$

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Veqz8W98iA

By lurker

November 20, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

Angie Actually, Imma agree with you. I think of marriage and exclusitivity as one on one and anything else/more/other is dangerous but I’m was just saying, he’s going back and drawing from his experiences. At least that’s how he’s always posted. Like I said every now and again, we get the low low of something that may have gone done or he wants to go down but me personally, I can’t roll like that. To each his own.

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

So a man will give it to u in a way that tries to present themsekves as favorable.

melo I don’t really care if you sugar coat it or not. Either you did it or you didn’t. It’s a yes or no question. We can discuss it, we can rationalize it, but it the end either you did it (yes) or you didn’t (no).

It’s really simple, some guys will lie to you and have no problems. I’m nosey and if I feel you’re lying, I’m also a snoop. So if you’re not an honorable person, no need to waste each other time. There will be plenty of women willing to be fed your brand of bullshyt. I’m not the one.

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this

@gee…..love, my post are not meant to judge you…..i dont do that….hell i have a full plate of my own to deal with…feel me…if it works for you cool..i dont label nobody….period dot…sounds like you having fun…..so have your fun….

By Sassette aka Kym

November 20, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

So what is it when you have sex the first night and continue to have sex on and off years later?

Cee Hosea is stil in serious need of everything to provide Thanksgiving dinner this year. The company that use to provide the forks, spoons, plates etc..went out of business.

By DuShawn

November 20, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

GeeGirl I agree with you. Unless I’m told otherwise, I assume any woman I’m casually dating is seeing other people. That doesn’t make her a ho or a slut. She’s just grown and can F*&ck whomever she pleases. Anonymity has a strange way of increasing one’s morality.

By SexyCool

November 20, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

aRed…“I’m nosey and if I feel you’re lying, I’m also a snoop. “

what constitutes snooping? checking his phone?…his email?…his bathroom floor for someone else’s hair?

By MLL

November 20, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

too funny For Real

By Foots

November 20, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

Amazon I wonder how much these dudes answers would change if the genders in WiseDiva’s post were reversed.

You mean that they may think that they should be forgiven and that life should move on if they cheat? LOL

I think (I hope) that most men on here play by rules of fairness. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, even in cases of cheating.

By DuShawn

November 20, 2008 3:04 PM | Link to this

For Real you foolish!!!

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

SexyCool, I’ve never checked a phone or email. I guess for now it’s just taking inventory of anything that’s not usually around their places. So far, that’s as far as it has to go.

And if you lie about it anyway, then it doesn’t go futher.

By Angie

November 20, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

give ME a reason … i’ll snoop in a heartbeat!

By MELO

November 20, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

now let me share this stupidity i heard is common practice among our pple….. pple taking student loans,pretending/facking they are going to school and incurring huge debts but instead,using the money to pay bills and such.This wrk mate of wify has a 45k debt with one student lender(to remain nameless)Thats some stupid bullshyytt i have ever heard.45k debt and she got no school course or degree to her credit.And the chorus in the wrkplace waz girllll,u dont knw about that?? What stupid f*** is this???

By GeeGirl

November 20, 2008 3:11 PM | Link to this

Thanks Rell and Du. And yes, I am having my fun. The thing is you gotta be upfront. My upfront right now is that I enjoy meeting people and having a good, but I am def not looking for one-on-one relationship. If a guy can handle that, then bravo. If not, then see ya! Having said that, if the relationship has clearly been established by both parties as exclusive, then stepping out is unacceptable. Period. The end!

By MELO

November 20, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

MLL,in the heat of the moment and hitting it nice,im known to have disowned my mom,my dad and my entire extended and large family..absolutely no relation…..lol

By GeeGirl

November 20, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

Thanks Rell and Du. And yes, I am having my fun. The thing is you gotta be upfront. My upfront right now is that I enjoy meeting people and having a good, but I am def not looking for one-on-one relationship. If a guy can handle that, then bravo. If not, then see ya! Having said that, if the relationship has clearly been established by both parties as exclusive, then stepping out is unacceptable. Period. The end!

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

abc hadn’t chimed in yet? Auw phooey!

Sassette hhmmm I checked their website, I didn’t rmbr they had one. I can finagle a few things off the list. And you’re correct; they need more paper-goods. Imma check sales for aluminum foil/pans, and those take out boxes should be not too exp. at a warehouse.

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

abc hadn’t chimed in yet? Auw phooey!

Sassette hhmmm I checked their website, I didn’t rmbr they had one. I can finagle a few things off the list. And you’re correct; they need more paper-goods. Imma check sales for aluminum foil/pans, and those take out boxes should be not too exp. at a warehouse.

By MLL

November 20, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

why snoop angie? If you’re expected to come over he would put away any evidence anyway. I don’t want anyone snooping in my house it’s very disrespectful.

By For Real

November 20, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this

Ared at Beau’s house…..

Beau: Alright baby I got to go to work.

Ared: Awwww don’t go stay with me.

Beau: Baby I would love to but that chicken ain’t gonna fry itself. Make yourself comfortable. You can stay as along as you want, just lock the bottom lock and put the sticks in the windows when you leave.

Ared: Okayyyyy bye baby. Oh and baby…

Beau: I know baby… 2 piece white

Ared: Now that he’s gone let the snooping begin. I’ll start in the bathroom. Awwww dayummm is that a string of hair?? I know he ain’t had no other trick up in here!! And it betnot be that skank that works the drive thru. It’s a good thing I just happen to have my It’s Another Bytch Hair Tester in my overnight bag. Okay put the hair in here and Bing!! let me see what it says. It’s Yo Hair Fool! Awwww dayummm!!!

By Dan

November 20, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

Last day of the detail (really long lunch)

I think we can take it back to the “how men and women view sex”

Men - exercise

Women - Intimacy

So when these misunderstanding occur someone’s gotten their wires crossed and it can be either party.

@For Real

“For tonight, just tonight”

What guy wouldn’t say okay?

By lurker

November 20, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this

Yeah, where’s ABC

By RELL - Boats and Hoe$

November 20, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this

LMAO@FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…classic

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

Baby I would love to but that chicken ain’t gonna fry itself.

LMAO!!! I hate you For Real. I’m so done.

I was my hair too. sob. Just kiddin. LOL

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

Baby I would love to but that chicken ain’t gonna fry itself.

LMAO!!! I hate you For Real. I’m so done.

I was my hair too. sob. Just kiddin. LOL

By MLL

November 20, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

For Real lmbo

By Foots

November 20, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

Good side Can you admit to a person you are dating that you have had a one night stand!

You mean ever or while we were dating? I’ve never had a one-night stand, so that answers that.

And if it was the second, then nope, I wouldn’t say a word (if it wouldn’t be found out) for one of two general reasons. Number 1: Because if I am truly sorry and have no intention of doing it again, telling him would only be to alleviate my own guilt; I’d just live with it if I really wanted the relationship. Number 2: If I did it because I’m on the way out, no reason to kick him in the nuts on the way out the door.

By lurker

November 20, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

Foots Number 2: If I did it because I’m on the way out, no reason to kick him in the nuts on the way out the door Cosign…..unless you can’t stand him. I say do whatcha gotta.

By Wise Diva

November 20, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

aahh, I’m dying, For Real is trying to kill me, LOL!! nearly choked on my water, maan you are CRAZY

By Leggs

November 20, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this

I’ve been gone a few hours. Anybody in the mood to give me an update so I don’t have to read all of this????

By DuShawn

November 20, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

lurker I don’t know if your 2:56 (as well as your previous post) was an endorsement or an abomination of my character…lol. I agree, to each his own. Although additional commentary isn’t necessary, imma speak on it any way. 98% of my union is like the Huxtables, the other 2% is like a Luke video. I challenge one to find a more honest and open couple. I can’t remember the last time I had a one night stand…….well, unless you count that head doctor at the conclave that the bruhs set out.

By Foots

November 20, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

HEY!!! Could the reason why the girl told him about the ONS be that she was about to get found out anyway? Thinking about my own situation, if I was stupid enough to cheat and have a ONS and I still wanted the relationship, the only reasons I would tell would be if somebody else knows and will tell if I don’t (including the other dude), I got pregnant, or I picked up a package. LOL What if ol’ girl is in that situation?

By Poppa Grande

November 20, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

Cee

PoppaG Are you emmersed in Law 101 today?

Yeah…tomorrow is the last day of classes. So, finals aren’t that far behind.

I’ve gone into exam prep mode. I aim for 6 hours of exam prep per day on weekdays. Starting Monday I will cut back on work hours and make it 8-9 hours of study time.

I am putting in the heavy lifting in now, before we head out to the spot for Thanksgiving. I won’t feel as guilty not putting in the study time while we have visitors.

By Willie Dynamite

November 20, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

4Real youz a straight up fool mayne

Footsy now you thinking like a dude. Aint no dude telling less he had no other choice. Then he still wouldnt tell and then still deny it. Wuddnt me baby, I swear.

By lurker

November 20, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this

Dushawn I don’t know if your 2:56 (as well as your previous post) was an endorsement or an abomination of my character…lol

Neither, just explaining to Angie since she wasn’t here during your initial entry to the blog nor privy to the torrid, I mean exciting stories of your past. Not here to judge. I can rattle a few bones of my own given we all have a past. I can dig living compatibly by the Huxtables @ 98%. It’s that 2% that would get next to me.

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this

Yeah…tomorrow is the last day of classes. So, finals aren’t that far behind.

PoppaG Do you bruh. Wow, you’re putting in some hours! I remember you or Kym mentioned around this date would be crunchtime. Talk about sweat and tears.

I remember my cousin’s college roomy had to take the Georgia State Bar and she broke out in hives 3days before she took it. She had worked so hard all those months! She couldn’t even schedule a lunch with us…then right before the bar she gets sick and shut in. Ya’ll can have that. Whoooaaa….

By DuShawn

November 20, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this

that 2% is the best part.

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this

Dag PoppaG i’m lazy as a mugg. ‘Cause unless i had a team to cut my individual study hours/time up into group study. I probably would be the “Weakest Link”…bu-bye

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 20, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

Hey all, sorry I couldnt play today but a chica is putting in some real work today! Ya’ll be easy and I’ll holla tomorrow hopefully!

By Foots

November 20, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

Willie D The thing is, if I did it within the bounds of a committed relationship, I’d feel extremely guilty and I wouldn’t want to do it again. Unless it affected him directly or put him in danger, I wouldn’t say a word if I wanted to keep what I had and I re-committed myself to being faithful.

It’s just me, but I’m of the belief that if it’s a one-time thing and he’s truly repentant and the deed impacts nothing but my feelings, I don’t need to know. If dude is repentant and the deed possibly has an impact to me, in the form of a stalker, a baby or a disease, I need to know. If dude isn’t repentant and plans to keep having side booty, I need to know so I can get to stepping. Chances are, I’ll find out anyway, so the sooner I get the message, the better for everybody involved.

By Poppa Grande

November 20, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

Cee

then right before the bar she gets sick and shut in. Ya’ll can have that.

I had bronchitis last year when I took my fall finals. I was miserable.

It is really easy to get sick when you aren’t getting enought rest and getting more than the usual stress. Right now, I awake at 4am study until 7am then go to work and stuff. Then I study another subject from 9pm to 12mid. That makes about 4 hours a sleep a day, which is still more than some of my med school friends.

The final exam is the ONLY grade. Therefore, an “A” on that test is an “A” in the class. There aren’t other things to balance out bad grade.

By Leggs

November 20, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

The blog ate my post.

ARed, you’re bring the game, as usual.

DuShawn, your 1:41 is the thought of many a man.

Hello RandyT

I agree w/you Angie on your post about why give up the puddy (can’t remember the time.

PoppaG is FOCUSED. Forehead kiss!

ForReal is a bona fide, straight laced FOOL.

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this

Chances are, I’ll find out anyway, so the sooner I get the message, the better for everybody involved.

Foots Amen. When it comes to cheating, you cant do it w/out someone else being involved. I just hate being blindsided. So I’d rather it come from you. If I hear about it from anyone else, or if I discover it, there’s gonna be smoke in the city.

If it was a one time thing, never to happen again. I’on know. I think I still wanna know. I just say this because I know somethings I never thought I’d be able to handle, but since I’ve found out, it’s really hasn’t been that bad. It be different if I were the type to internalize things and hold grudges.

By DuShawn

November 20, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

Foots you the real one. that’s what’s up.

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

ARed, you’re bring the game, as usual.

Thanks Leggs. I think it’s a Sagittarius thing. We’re seekers of knowledge. We’re gonna get our answers one way or another. Make it easy on yourself. LOL

By Foots

November 20, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

Amazon It be different if I were the type to internalize things and hold grudges

Yep, that’s me and that’s exactly why I don’t need to know. LOL! I hold grudges tighter than Dan holds money. Things would NEVER be the same, even if he never stepped out again for the rest of his life. I may forgive, but the fabric of the relationship itself would be changed and I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same way.

So yeah, unless we about to have to send diapers to somebody else’s house in seven months or one of us is about to get to itching or his worst enemy found out about Bonequisha and has me on speed dial, then it would be best for him to deal with the guilt himself, re-commit, move on, and make our lives together even better than before. :-)

By AmazonRed

November 20, 2008 4:43 PM | Link to this

Yep, that’s me and that’s exactly why I don’t need to know. LOL! I hold grudges tighter than Dan holds money. Things would NEVER be the same, even if he never stepped out again for the rest of his life.

Foots, LOL. I think most woman would be this way too.

I definitely understand.

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

The final exam is the ONLY grade. Therefore, an “A” on that test is an “A” in the class. There aren’t other things to balance out bad grade.

oooaawww…smack…daaaannnng!

PoppaG What a schedule….

@4am-7am - I’m dreaming of my turtle walk to the bathroom.

@9pm-12pm - The down comforter is preparing to envelope my slumber.

By Poppa Grande

November 20, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this

Leggs

PoppaG is FOCUSED. Forehead kiss!

Thanks.

If anything, this is just re-enforcing that I am a micro-manager. I try to do every little detail.

I already feel sorry for my future secretary. :(

By Leggs

November 20, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

PoppaG remember that as long as you have more “thank yous” and “would you please” than “do this NOW” and “here handle this”, you’ll be fine. As anything in life, recognition and appreciation goes a helluva long way!

By Cemeeli

November 20, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

PoppaG all that work if gonna manifest itself a good return. i’m sure

Do that!

By Wise Diva

November 20, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this

Have a wonderful evening everyone

By Leggs

November 20, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this

Good night!

On the lighter side: **The most effective defense against temptation is this: shut your eyes (S. I. Gabirol, a Philosopher)

Peace!

By Angie

November 20, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

MLL only if he gave me a reason.

By The good side!

November 20, 2008 5:21 PM | Link to this

To Ared:

Sag is short from snoop investigator or I am one nosy sista!