PEOPLE / STONE MOUNTAIN: Painful memories give rise to poetry

Behind Marvin Perkins’ wide-toothed grin and large-rimmed glasses is the soul of a poet.

It’s not a fact he shares easily, speaking shyly about his written words and admitting that it takes a good deal of courage to recite them out loud.

Part of the reason for Perkins’ reluctance is that his poems spring from a dark place inside, where even he admits it’s painful to visit.

“Whenever I get depressed, that’s when I write,” Perkins said, “so I don’t have a lot of happy poems. They come out of pain from the things I’ve gone through.”

After fighting a crack cocaine addiction, he moved from Brooklyn, N.Y., to Stone Mountain 10 years ago with his fiancee, two stepchildren and his daughter. Their dream of starting over seemed within reach as both Perkins and his fiancee found jobs, a house and a car. But it wasn’t long before the past repeated itself.

“I relapsed and started messing up a lot,” said Perkins in a soft voice. “Once I got started, I couldn’t stop. I put my family through a lot of hardship, took money out of our accounts, and finally they couldn’t take it anymore.”

Five years ago, Perkins lost his fiancee, home and job because of his drug habit. He lived on the streets for a while, then found the city’s shelter at Peachtree and Pine streets. From there, he heard about the Clifton Sanctuary Ministries on the city’s east side, where he was able to save some money and get back in touch with his family. He also began writing to help him deal with the demons that drove him to drugs.

“I started writing little songs and poetry, mostly about my ex-fiancee because I was so heartbroken,” Perkins said. “I don’t even know how they come, but when they do, I write them straight down. It only takes about 20 minutes to write one and it makes me feel a lot better. It gets the bad stuff I have inside out where I can deal with it.”

Perkins first recited one of his works at a holiday party at Clifton two years ago.

“Someone had dropped out of the program and they told me I had to do it, or I wouldn’t have,” said Perkins with a laugh. “I recited the first poem I wrote, ‘Sometimes I Cry,’ and was so shy and nervous, I still don’t know how I did it.”

Perkins has been through a few relapses since he started writing. He found sporadic employment in a Gainesville chicken plant, driving a UPS truck and cleaning sewer lines.

But a few weeks ago, he started a new full-time job and has rededicated himself to getting his life back on track. He’s a member of the Clifton Toastmasters club, where he’s polishing his speaking skills, and he’s been a leader of the Cup service for the homeless, held every Sunday at North Avenue Presbyterian Church.

And he’s still writing.

“I’m building up my self-confidence,” he said. “Every time I read one of my poems, I usually get a positive reaction, and that makes me feel so good.”

Sometimes I Cry

by Marvin Perkins Jr.

Sometimes I cry in the dark of the night

as I lie in my bed and I turn out the light.

I look back on my life, all the things that I did,

all the words never spoken, all the secrets I’ve hid.

All the children I’ve had, that I didn’t take care of

(there may be a few I’m not even aware of)

All the people I’ve hurt, all the pain I’ve awoken.

All the things that I’ve taken, all the hearts that I’ve broken.

All the things that I’ve said that I couldn’t take back.

And what I did to myself —- wait, I’m coming to that

I got drunk, I did drugs and I lived like a dog.

I had no heart at all and my mind was a fog.

As I look back on all of these things that I’ve done,

my past was all blackness, my life was no fun.

So I look to the sky and I ask for forgiveness.

But does anyone hear? Only God is my witness.

And I know why I feel all these feelings inside.

Now you, too, should understand why sometimes I cry.