2008: A year of stupid

How stupid was 2008?

Two Atlanta guys said they found Bigfoot and had his body stored in a freezer, and we, the media, covered it as if they really might have Bigfoot in a freezer. Bravo aired “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” —- a title in which the only true words were “the” and “of” —- and you, the viewers, watched in record numbers.

In other words, the initial act of stupidity is no longer sufficient. We have to stupidly validate it as well.

So with the bar getting higher and IQs getting lower, here is our annual look at The Year in Stupid, version 2008.

Only in Atlanta

> Bravo launches “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” a reality series about five women who keep it real by living in enormous mansions in the far north suburbs, spending vast sums on trifles, throwing lavish parties and competing for biggest waste of carbon in a life form. Appalled by this train wreck, viewers tuned in like it was Brangelina’s stolen sex tape.

> Clayton County school Superintendent John Thompson orders more than 3,000 high school diplomas shredded, and the graduates are given empty folders instead at graduation. The diplomas, which had to be printed early, had been signed by his predecessor instead of Thompson.

> At a college debate tournament held at Emory, the two coaches —- who are professors —- get into a screaming, obscenity-laced faceoff, and one drops his pants at the other. The whole thing is caught for YouTube. Bravo considers “The Real Debate Coaches of Atlanta.”

> Cobb County Commissioner Annette Kesting allegedly hires a voodoo priestess to put a spell on a political rival for him to “catch cancer” or “have a car accident.” She then writes $3,000 in bad checks to cover the spells, according to police reports. Kesting denies the charge.

> Having solved all other problems, the Georgia House votes 142-10 to stop making car tags with mascots from out-of-state universities if those states don’t return the favor. Georgia had been allowing Florida Gators on Georgia tags, but Florida would not allow Bulldogs on Florida tags.

> Two Atlanta men —- one a Clayton County police officer —- announce they have found the body of a bigfoot in the North Georgia mountains and get paid by a California company for the rights to their story. Bigfoot turns out to be an empty monkey suit kept in a freezer.

> Twice-divorced preacher Bishop Thomas W. Weeks III, fresh off pleading guilty to aggravated assault on his ex-wife, announces he will launch a TV reality show, “The Holy Hook-Up: Who Will be the Next Mrs. Weeks?” “It is going to be a very tasteful, five-star presentation,” Weeks says. Bravo is upset it didn’t get there first.

Celebrity Stupidity

> Country singer Chris Cagle is charged with assault after a benefit concert on allegations he punched a fan’s boyfriend. Cagle is touring to support his album “My Life’s Been a Country Song.”

> Chad Johnson of the Cincinnati Bengals legally changes his last name to Ocho Cinco, a rough Spanish version of his jersey number, 85. Johnson’s children include Chad II, Chade and Cha’iel.

> TV talk show host Dr. Phil temporarily forgets the pesky, old-fashioned idea of doctor-patient confidentiality when he visits Britney Spears in the hospital, then holds a news conference saying she is in “dire need of both medical and psychological intervention.”

> Sasha Baron Cohen (“Borat”) causes a near-riot in Texarkana, Ark., filming his new movie, “Bruno.” A crowd at the fairgrounds thinks they are going to see a cage fighting match, but the two male wrestlers strip to their underwear and rub and kiss each other. The angry mob pelts them with cups of beer.

> R&B star R. Kelly is acquitted of videotaping himself having sex with a 13-year-old girl. He appears soon after on BET and is asked about his widely discussed preference for teenage girls. “When you say teenage,” Kelly replies, “how old are we talking?”

> New York Yankees star Jason Giambi reveals that when he is in a batting slump, he wears a gold lame thong to the plate. “It works every time,” Giambi says.

> Rockers Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale name their son Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale and appear poised to win the 2008 Stupid Celebrity Baby Name Contest until musicians Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz name their son Bronx Mowgli. How about a tie?

What Were They Thinking?

> At a bachelor party for a sheriff’s deputy in Camden, Maine, the groom-to-be is handcuffed, hogtied with duct tape, shot with a Taser, oiled and feathered, and paraded through downtown strapped to a lawn chair in a pickup truck, all of it captured on video. “Frankly, I’m ashamed,” Sheriff Donna Dennison says.

> In a test of Japan’s drug-sniffing police dogs, a customs official at Narita Airport picks a random person’s suitcase and stuffs a large bag of marijuana inside. The dogs do not detect the marijuana, the officer cannot identify the suitcase, and someone goes home and gets a surprise.

> For more than a year, Valentine, Neb., has been terrorized by an unknown male who covers his rear in lotion or Vaseline and presses himself against shop windows at night. He’s been nicknamed the Butt Bandit. “It’s not funny,” the police chief says. “We’re worried about the next step.”

> Windsor Hills Baptist Church in Oklahoma City plans to entice young people to a youth event by giving away a semi-automatic assault rifle as a prize. They have to cancel at the last minute when the pastor was injured.

> Carmen Kontur-Gronquist, mayor of tiny Arlington, Ore., is recalled by voters after they see her MySpace page, which includes a photo of the mayor in a black bra and underpants, posing on a city firetruck.

> Police in Hellertown, Pa., arrest a couple for making love in a parked car. Their car is parked in the police station parking lot. In a handicapped space.

International Stupid

> Two would-be robbers with knives hit a nightclub in Sydney, Australia, not noticing all the motorcycles out front. They walk in on a meeting of about 50 members of a biker gang, who beat both men with tables and chairs.

> Just before opening ceremonies at the Summer Games in Beijing, International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge explains the city’s terrible air quality: “The fog, you see, is based on the humidity and heat. It does not mean that the fog is the same as pollution.”

> Belgian Gardens State School in Queensland, Australia, bans students from doing cartwheels and handstands on the playground, afraid they might get injured and parents might sue. When a 10-year-old girl is punished for doing cartwheels, her mom complains the students now “sit around and do nothing” at recess.

Product Placement

> An eighth-grader at a Connecticut magnet school is suspended from school, stripped of his class vice presidency and barred from attending an honors dinner. His infraction: buying a bag of Skittles candy from a classmate for $1.

> ABC News reports that men in New York nightclubs are trying to make themselves look “ripped” by smearing their torsos with Preparation H because it constricts blood vessels and may lead to a more muscular look.

> Bowing to protests, Woolworth’s in England withdraws its “Lolita Midsleeper” —- a bed marketed for young girls. The company says it was not aware the name Lolita is the title of a famous novel about a 12-year-old girl who is coerced into sex by her pedophile guardian.

> HealthPartners, a health care nonprofit that works with drug and pregnancy testing, introduces Petey P. Cup, a 6-foot-11 walking urine specimen vial, as its new advertising mascot.

> Warner Bros., which owns the copyright to Scooby Doo, sends a cease-and-desist letter to a company making sports bras. The bras were being sold under the name Booby Doo.

> Tired of having your iPod and your Taser in two devices? Taser International introduced the Taser MPH —- the first combined mp3 music player and 50,000-volt Taser. It might come in handy, however, should you encounter one of the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

A ‘STUPID’ SINGALONG

ONLINE: With apologies to “The Sound of Music,” we offer a musical tribute to the silliness of 2008 in “The Stupidest Year.” Click on “Year in Review” at ajc.com/holiday.