THE VENT

Why is a nose job called a rhinoplasty? It sounds like they’re having a horn put on.

To the candidate whose recorded phone message interrupted my Thanksgiving dinner: I hope you lose!

Am I the only one who thinks it is dimwitted to cut down a beautiful living tree and haul it to Lenox Square to die?

My dad gave me a new Corvette for my birthday. If that’s what being “vetted” is all about, I like it.

OK, let’s see a show of hands. Who wants to let Obama start early?

George W. Bush has almost single-handedly ruined the free world. Georgia, being a red state, apparently agrees with him.

I really do hope Barack Obama does well, but the idea that he is al-Qaida’s worst nightmare is hilarious!

Obama has promised so many “treats” to the people, his inauguration will seem like Halloween … with the “tricks” to follow.

I told my brother-in-law that my wife was giving me the Spider-Man Trilogy for Christmas. He said, “Wow, you’re getting both movies?”

To the recent geography-impared venter: I-20 ends about 100 miles from the Atlantic Ocean!

Before my recent visit to Atlanta, I had never heard of Saxby Chambliss or Jim Martin. But if they’re really as bad as their dueling political ads say, why aren’t both of them in jail?

Maybe I’m a poor reader, but it looks to me like those red octagonal signs at intersections say “Stop.”

Democrats and Republicans should agree on one point of any bailout: All jobs created should be on U.S. soil and go to U.S. citizens.

If I thought the bailouts would work, I’d support them. I’d ask for one!

Why doesn’t Big Oil take over the U.S. automakers? Big Oil still has deep pockets, and it’s a natural fit.

So they changed the social studies curriculum in Georgia. Does the North still win the Civil War?

Why do Yankee-based companies think only Yankees are smart enough for executive jobs?

I’m a transplant from the Pacific Northwest, and I’ve never considered myself a Yankee. Am I in denial?

Give the transplanted Northerners a break. Someday you may have to move and be the transplant.

The only comic strip with the world as I see it is “Brewster Rockit.”

No wonder the Russians say America will fall apart. Northerners and Southerners do nothing but squabble.

Whoever e-mailed me a video of a naked woman and a hula hoop, please send it again. My wife deleted it. (Wonder what your wife has against hula hoops? —- The Vent Guy)

Here’s a great business idea: Airlines that serve only families with children. The parents can relax and let kids be kids, and uptight adults can stop complaining.

Public television does have quality music. But most of its other stuff leans so far left that you have to rotate the TV.

Life can be complicated, but happiness is simple.

Hey, you rich folks who can afford to pay someone to do your yard: It looks real good after they blow a ton of leaves out into the street!

I wonder if Al Gore can explain the ice I recently found in my bird feeder.

A large part of being smart is knowing what you’re dumb at.

If you don’t know the boundary lines of the property you are hunting on, you have no business using a gun!