Relax … the fairy tale hasn’t reached an ending

It has been a very strange week.

The head of General Motors took a limo to a private jet and a private jet to Washington to beg for change in a $3,000 suit and then returned home to manufacture $80,000 SUVs with neon hubcaps that get seven miles per gallon and now sit on lots that look like Death Valley.

The head-elect of our country said for the second time that we need a college football playoff, and I’m starting to wonder now if the “B” in BCS stands for Barack. (Do Iraq and Afghanistan figure into strength of schedule?)

And finally, the head of Atlanta’s favorite fish tank apparently hates Democrats, or at least Republicans named Brutus. Yes, if Bernie Marcus suddenly decides catfish and other bottom feeders of the water world aren’t worthy of his aquarium, there’s a reason.

Marcus, the co-founder of Home Depot, not surprisingly is opposed to a bill in Congress called the “Employee Free Choice Act,” which would give workers the choice to form unions. In the midst of his fire-breathing rhetoric on the issue, Marcus said that any CEO who doesn’t financially back Republicans fighting for re-election “should be shot.”

He never mentioned if this might be part of a new exhibit, next to the elitist sea horses. Marcus also wants you to know that aquarium season passes make wonderful stocking stuffers for dockworkers. But please, use the back entrance.

Arthur Blank is happy to be a little lower-profile this year than his former partner. His football team has been free of felonies and can take a significant step in the playoff race this week against Carolina. When Matt Ryan overthrew receivers and Roddy White dropped a touchdown pass against Denver last week, you wondered: “What happened to the fairy tale?”

Relax. They don’t swim with the fishes yet. Carolina has won four straight. But the past two wins came over Oakland and Detroit, the I-AA of the NFL. Oddsmakers say you only have to give up 1 point. But look what you can gain! Workers unite! Falcons win and cover.

The Week Before The Big Week

> Texas Tech at Oklahoma: Mike Leach said he’s “not paying any attention” to rumors he’s bolting, which pretty much translates to “I’m so gone.” But to Tennessee? No. The man went to Pepperdine Law School, which sits on the cliffs of Malibu. He’s in search of a better view, not a Captain D’s. But this view he won’t like: Sooners cover 7.

> Old Ms. at LSU: The Tigers needed a 30-point fourth quarter last week to beat Troy, which lost two weeks earlier to Louisiana-Monroe, which lost to Old Ms. 59-0, which I think means the Rebels win this game 197-2. Now isn’t that more scientific than breaking down blocking schemes? But LSU covers 4 1/2.

> FSU at Maryland: The Terps are 4-0 against ranked teams and 3-3 against unranked teams. Does the winner of the ACC title game get a trophy or electroshock therapy? ‘Noles win in a mild upset (but take the point).

> Tennessee at Vanderbilt: Vols players were so moved by Phil Fulmer’s resignation speech two weeks ago that they lost to Wyoming. What do they do for an encore —- run over his dog? Vandy covers 3.

> Arkansas at Missy State: When Pig Snout U decided to hold a midnight news conference to announce the arrival of the new swine king, do you think they expected Bobby Petrino could become only the second Arkansas football coach in 56 years to win one conference game? State wins a pick ‘em.

Pros and Cons

> Bears at Rams: Jim Haslett is 0-4 since people started to think he could coach again. Chicago covers 8 1/2.

> Redskins at Seahawks: DeAngelo Hall is on one defense. Jim Mora runs the other. Anybody know what the over is? ‘Skins win, but take Seattle and 3 1/2.

> Patriots at Dolphins: Bill Belichick-Bill Parcells Global Thermonuclear War resumed with a 38-13 Miami stunner in Week 3. Yeah, but that was with the old Matt Cassel. Did I just say that? Pats fry Fish, but take the 2.

> Giants at Cardinals: Edgerrin James lost his starting job, so he asked Arizona to release him. Why? Is he looking to hook on with the Sun Belt? New York: an easy cover 3.

> Tampa Bay at 0-10: Detroit coach Rod Marinelli’s plan: “I’m going to go at this like I always do.” So much for change of direction. Bucs cover 8 1/2.

Portfolio

> Last week: 8-3 straight up, 5-6 against the line.

> Totals: 79-40 straight up, 57-60-2 against the line.

jschultz@ajc.com