THE VENT

There are so many real estate agents’ signs in my neighborhood, I went to the polls Tuesday looking to vote for Re/Max.

As a poll worker, I would like to sincerely thank the voters who were bright and cheery after hours of waiting. You made the 14-hour day worth every minute.

The 15 people in front of you at Wal-Mart used to shop at Neiman Marcus when times were good during the Clinton administration.

Read the article on bacteria on hands. Wow, turns out girls really do have cooties.

There are only two blue-collar jobs left in the country. One light blue, the other dark blue. One is Lowe’s, the other Wal-Mart.

By now, those who resisted Glenn Richardson’s plan to gut the state reserve fund are looking like geniuses.

Note to Delta: Just because Northwest thinks charging $15 for the first checked bag is a good idea doesn’t make it so. They aren’t called NorthWorst for nothing.

Right turn on red after a complete stop doesn’t work, because people like you aren’t courteous enough to let people merge.

Somebody stop me! I can’t stop thinking up Vents!

I wish we’d go back to the Jackie style: a normal waistline and a decent neckline.

You lost your job at Circuit City because you were not attentive to potential buyers who left your store and went to Best Buy, after wandering around forever without even a hello.

You go to church for consolation, I go to a bar. If your church is tax-exempt, my bar should be, too.

Doggone it! You are not supposed to alert the TV advertiser sound idiots that we have a remedy in the mute button. Some geek will find a way around it.

I am a transplanted Northerner, and I always wave thank you when someone lets me into traffic. Maybe it’s your backward fellow Southerners that are so rude!

The auto industry should appeal to Exxon Mobil for a bailout.

Ah, fall is here and leaves are falling; time for those that live on the postage-stamp lots with a scrub tree the developer planted after clear-cutting the area to start complaining about the leaf blowers from those of us that live on environmentally friendly lots with trees.

School buses may save gas, but they also provide an opportunity for shy kids with no protectors to be bullied and terrorized twice a day. Some stuff our kid has survived would make a good horror movie.

When I was much younger, I rode on many roller coasters on the East Coast, including the Rebel Yell, Super Dooper looper, King Cobra, etc. They were much less frightening than the current Dow Jones roller coaster.

To the venter talking about the Waffle House cook claiming he’s a chef: I challenge him to cook breakfast for 50 people at a time.

In this economy, the guy preparing your breakfast at Waffle House could very well be a professional chef.

Our son believes his wife caused the economy to collapse, because she broke her leg and hasn’t been able to go shopping for weeks.

If school administrators, boards of education and the state Department of Education are serious about cutting school budgets, they need look no further than eliminating the senseless mandatory testing … to save millions!

Soon-to-be bumper sticker: “Don’t Blame Me. I Voted for McCain.”

Sarah who?

Dear Lord, even though he was not my candidate of choice, please bless President-elect Obama and give me the character and patriotism to not denigrate him the way the Democrats did President Bush. Amen.

W earned his ranking as the worst president ever by allowing his administration to be run by the worst vice president ever.

Have you ever noticed how men at family gatherings sit around and watch TV while the women prepare and serve the meal and clean up all the mess?

Why do political signs appear overnight but take months to remove?

Thank goodness the election is over. Now I can start concentrating on the really important stuff like … Santa Claus coming to town.

No, not all lawyers who cannot make a living practicing law try to become judges. Many of them succeed, instead, in being elected to the Legislature.

My view of fallen leaves: The good God put them there and s/he will remove them without disturbing the general tranquillity of mankind.

Thanks, English teacher. People have been passed over in job interviews for nothing more than saying “Me and Joe went there” rather than “Joe and I went there.” In hard times, carelessness matters.

Need to Vent? Call 404-222-8338; e-vent: vent@ajc.com