THE VENT

Man! If I could win the lottery as often as I got published in the Vent, I would be so rich! The odds are about the same, right?

Now I’m being blamed for the energy crisis. A recent study says singles living alone are the biggest energy hogs. At least I don’t live in a megamansion.

Mayor Franklin says Atlanta is on”the threshold of greatness.” That’s OK, I guess, but I’d settle for Atlanta completing a street repair, any street repair, from start to finish.

Why does the surgeon “general” wear a Navy-looking uniform? Shouldn’t he be the “surgeon admiral?”

You can bet that guy behind you honking his horn at you as soon as the light changes has never been hit by someone running a red light. Bless his heart.

Do you think Canada would be willing to swap Ontario for Minnesota straight up?

My husband did it again —- planned a nice dinner out and saved his appetite all day so that his blood sugar dropped and he was a jerk before we even got to the restaurant. I’m ready to bail.

Ken Cook, the Fox weatherman, said the 5 inches of rain we just received won’t help the drought. Ken, what will?

I work at Wal-Mart, and if I could tell people anything, it’s this: The world does not revolve around you. Wait your turn when you’re shopping!

There are three things certain in life: death, taxes and Georgia drivers never using their turn signals.

No wonder we have a school system crisis in Clayton County. Take a look at the current superintendent’s salary, vacation benefits and other perks. Amazing! And an elected board gave an OK to all of this! Even more amazing!

Instead of the Fayette County teachers giving back their hard-earned raises to help the budget, why don’t the county office personnel give part of their salaries?

If Caroline Kennedy wants a Senate seat, she should take Uncle Teddy’s.

The headline said Bush considers his wars a “just cause.” I think it meant to say Bush’s wars were “just ‘cause.”

It was nice while it lasted, but the honeymoon’s over. Gas prices are on the rise again.

Sen. Harry Reid and his confused associates made a total circus of the seating of Sen. Roland Burris, and they want Americans to trust them with a $1 trillion stimulus package?

So Laura Bush is getting $3.5 million to $5 million for her memoir. I guess that means she’ll be able to dump that guy she’s married to.

I read where our prehistoric ancestors did not have problems with arthritis. That was because basketball and jogging hadn’t been invented yet.

Teenage angst is God’s way of not making it so difficult on parents when their kids go away to college. There is actually a sense of relief at not having the “little experts on everything” around anymore.

TV commentators frequently say, “Let me play the devil’s advocate for a moment.” The problem is that too many of them play the devil’s advocate 98 percent of the time.

Be careful when you claim a vent as yours. You may be talking to the person who sent it in.

You’ve got to admit that our economy probably peaked when we started selling jewelry for wine glasses and pets.

Why not kill two birds with one stone and give every taxpayer a new American car?

I bought one of those “age-defying” products, but I don’t think it’s working. How long do I have to wait?

I had to explain to my children and grandchildren that I must discontinue my monthly contribution to their investment accounts. No complaints! They’re a good bunch.

Never thought anything could be more aggravating than political campaign ads, but the constant barrage regarding the “countdown to digital TV” is coming very close. February can’t come soon enough!

I’m a guy who has been submitting and tracking my vents for 14 years, and I’m considering entering Venters Anonymous any day now.

If qualifications are so important to Democrats debating the proposed nomination of Caroline Kennedy, where was that concern over Obama’s and Al Franken’s qualifications?

So Dubya has established the Mariana Trench National Monument. I guess his oil buddies don’t want to drill in water seven miles deep.

If a government can’t even collect a simple water bill, why in the name of all that’s holy would we expect them to do anything right?

My vacuum cleaner handled the Christmas tree needles and the New Year’s confetti. It’s the air soft gun pellets that are doing it in.

Need to Vent? Call 404-222-8338; e-vent: vent@ajc.com