THE VENT

I am so tired of people reminding me things could be worse.

This Yankee is here because they couldn’t find a Southerner smart enough to do my job.

AC/DC, good luck on the new CD, but nothing compares to “Back in Black.”

“The Housewives of Atlanta” does for Atlanta what Ozzy Osbourne does for elocution.

I just knew Sean Hannity would eventually wear out that liberal.

Hey, Channel 46, why don’t you get rid of everyone else and let Dagmar do everything? Your ratings would go up.

Gee, I just noticed after all these years that my envelopes for remittance to the Georgia Department of Revenue are edged in black.

A word of advice to the new president: Don’t even let Jimmy Carter come for a visit.

Gas prices have fallen due to the collapse of the economy. Thanks, W.

Who’s going to bail us out?

If our newly elected government leaders are going to give us everything we need, why would we need a job?

Here are a few immediate steps that Shirley Franklin and Sonny Perdue could take to save money: Cancel 90 percent of all cellphones and 75 percent of all government vehicles. Stop all trips for any reason outside Atlanta and Georgia. Lay off or terminate all employees, commission members, etc., whose salary levels exceed those of the mayor or governor.

Finally, an explanation for “subprime.” That is a stupid word that usually means: “I don’t repay money that you are stupid enough to lend to me.”

Rather than blaming slow drivers for your lateness, try getting up 10 minutes earlier.

What has happened to T. Boone Pickens’ wind farms? Oh, I know, the economics don’t work out now with low natural gas and oil prices. So much for the green thing.

My fixed income is fixed because I had the audacity to work over 40 years fixing it. And it is a doggone nice one at that. What is your excuse?

I watched a young adult in a movie theater, noticing that she used her thumb and forefinger to eat her popcorn while never once letting go of her cellphone that was clutched in the other three fingers. One word came to mind: desperate!

You know things are bad when you go into a Georgia market and come out with peaches from California and onions from Peru.

Trees are great to have near your house —- as long as the wind isn’t blowing.

I have received incredibly bad service from private businesses, but government makes them look good by comparison.

Years ago, my parents used to cut things out of the paper and mail them to me. Today I do the same thing to my kids but do it electronically. We parents can be so weird.

A lot of people seem to feel that the minute Obama gets into power in the new year, everything will be fixed. Give the man a chance. It will take time to fix what Bush has destroyed over eight years.

When did it become OK to blind drivers with parking lot lights?

You can’t yet say whether Bush was the worst president in your lifetime —- unless you plan to die before Jan. 20.

General Motors reminds me of an alcoholic uncle who is always just one drink away from sobriety.

Next time a collector calls, I’m just going to request a bailout!

If you think the U.S. is a united nation, you’ve never looked at the electoral map.

Dear Abby is concerned that young women don’t know how to say no. Apparently the secret to learning that is —- getting married.

I will do anything to get rid of this last 30 pounds —- except diet or exercise.

How depressing would it be to find yourself in the audience on Oprah’s favorite things day only to learn it’s her favorite inexpensive things?

By the time we figure out how to bail out the auto industry, it will be time to save the corporate jet industry.

I wish Barack Obama would come down here and fix the city of Atlanta. He could start in the water department and read our meters so we could finally get a correct bill.

I’m from Texas, and my ex-wife (from Mississippi) still calls me a Yankee —- even though I say “y’all” more than she does!

With Citibank and all the rest of the banks in such financial trouble, what do you think their FICO score is?

Who needs casinos? We can lose all our money (if we have any) on the lottery!

Is it possible that our forefathers were wrong and that taxation with representation is worse than taxation without representation?

Need to Vent? Call 404-222-8338; e-vent: vent@ajc.com