THE VENT

Things are getting so bad with the economy that I’ve noticed that my friend’s framed first dollar is missing.

Hey, weather forecaster, you think it might be possible for you not to stand in front of the state of Georgia when you’re giving the weather forecast?

I saw a huge RV towing a Hummer. Only in America. Maybe 1 mile per gallon?

From now until the Dec. 2 runoff, I’m recording the news so I can fast-forward through all those inane attacks between Saxby Chambliss and Jim Martin. Does anyone pay attention to them?

If your traffic light is red, you’re supposed to wait, not try to “merge” after stopping.

I told my wife that since we are lucky enough to live in these North Georgia mountains, then we are lucky enough!

Three ways to make the recession deeper and longer: raise tax rates, erect trade barriers, and make it easier for unions to organize without a secret ballot.

I would think there are a lot of people that would love to pay taxes. That means they have a job.

Welcome to the 21st century, where people don’t drive erratically because they’re drunk —- it’s because they’re on cellphones.

In spite of what the scientists say, it’s not the universe that’s expanding —- it’s the government.

I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes at the funny movie I was watching, when my 12-year-old son gave me a blank look and said, “Now I know why you don’t have many friends, Mom.” Made me laugh even harder!

You know you are in trouble when the doctor calls you into her office after the appointment, closes the door and then passes you a box of tissues before she says anything.

Want to save the economy? Legalize marijuana! It will save billions from the failed “war on drugs,” save billions in unnecessary prison costs and raise billions in tax revenues. Can we have a little common sense here?

My bailout plan? The yet-to-be-opened bottle of whiskey waiting patiently in my office … for the appropriate emergency.

It must be Murphy’s law that people have to plant bushes right at the corner of an intersection where you can’t see around the corner.

Billy Mays is so loud he overrides the mute button on my remote control.

I read that Obama’s greatest flaw is that he’s cautious. When did that become a flaw?

It sure was a relief to learn that President-elect Barack Obama has only been talking to the former presidents who are living.

When gas was $4 a gallon, everybody was cussing President Bush and blaming him. Now that it’s below $2, has anyone bothered to thank him?

Need to Vent? Call 404-222-8338; e-vent: vent@ajc.com