Home for the holidays and unemployed

It’s Thanksgiving week, the official launch of the holiday season. If you’re planning to see family at various holiday gatherings, or will host an event yourself, don’t forget to prepare for the conversation as well as the meal and gifts. The following column, originally printed a few years ago, proved popular with readers. Happy Thanksgiving!

Going home for the holidays is a great American tradition, but for the unemployed, the underemployed and the unhappily employed, family gatherings offer a special challenge.

Despite the pitfalls, we still do it. Most of us knock ourselves out to get to our family gatherings, always mindful that these are the people who know us best and love us, and who will cook our favorite food just to be nice.

To help ensure that your holiday gatherings with loved ones provide more comfort and less therapy fodder, here are a few tips to keep in mind.

» Don’t come in with a chip on your shoulder. Remember that it’s natural for your relatives to ask how your job is going, or to inquire if you’re still looking for employment.

AMY LINDGREN

WORKING STRATEGIES

» Prepare a couple of humorous stories to relate when asked about work. Whether you’ve got a boss from the dark side or have had no luck at all in a job search, there’s almost certainly something funny to talk about.

» Remember the great art of changing the subject. After you answer a question or tell a story, turn to someone else and say, for example, “What about you, Uncle Jack? I heard your company sent you to Singapore last summer. What was that like?”

» Consider asking for help. If you are trying to get into a particular company, for example, consider asking relatives whether they know anyone who works there. Or ask for another kind of help: Does anyone at your gathering have a good sense of business fashion?

» If you absolutely don’t want to talk about your employment situation, make that known to a few key people before the event starts. Tell the host of the gathering, as well as a couple of folks you can count on to redirect the conversation when it comes up.

» As a last resort, if you anticipate nothing but grief from your family, consider changing your plans. It might be better to spend the holidays with friends and catch up with your family later, when you’re in a better position to handle awkward questions.

Not to leave out the hosts, here are a few tips for those putting on family events.

» Plan plenty of activities. The worst feeling in the world for someone who doesn’t want to talk is to find that every room in the house is full of people talking. Put out some board games, ask people to take kids to the park, show DVDs … anything to mix things up a bit.

» Give a special assignment to your family members who are struggling, whatever their issue might be. So save a dish for someone else to prepare, leave some holiday lights to be hung on the bushes out front, or ask for a hand wrapping last-minute presents.

» Stay alert to conversations that seem designed to pin someone against the wall. As the host, you are in a position to steer conversations or introduce new topics.

» Don’t ignore the difficult subjects. While it’s best not to have difficult or personal conversations with a dozen relatives listening in, it’s better yet to express caring concern in private. A brief one-on-one conversation that includes “Call me if I can help” will be remembered as a positive sign of the season and a reminder of a family’s love.

- Amy Lindgren owns Prototype Career Service, a career consulting firm in St. Paul, Minn. She can be reached at alindgren@prototypecaree rservice.com or at 1071 W. Seventh St., St. Paul, MN 55102.