DEL.ICIO.USBudget dating: Get creative when times are tight
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Monday, December 29, 2008
Michael Carter doesn’t own a Little Black Book, but the single man does keep a copy of “The List.”
Tips for cutting costs without cutting fun
Alison Church/Special
Catherine McGowan holds up her UNO cards during a round against Lonnie Jackson (right).
Alison Church/Special
Mary Thompson steps aside as the giant Jenga tower begins to fall during Amoa Tank’s turn during Play Date Atlanta at the Westin Atlanta Perimeter North Hotel. An alternative to the dating scene, Play Date Atlanta provides a wide variety of games.
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The handy spreadsheet, created by Carter and a friend, identifies local pubs, taverns and hot spots that offer drink and food specials. Carter designed the guide, categorized by days of the week, to optimize his socializing while minimizing his outlay of cash.
“I was beginning to feel like I was feeding all of I-285,” said Carter, 25, a technical writer who goes out about once a week, spending an average of $40 per outing. To save money, he now frequents more tapas bars and meets women for drinks instead of full-course dinners.
“I discovered that every woman doesn’t deserve dinner” on a first date, he said.
For many Atlanta singles, the poor economy is putting a damper on dating. Misery does not love company when increasing expenses are multiplied times two. With movies averaging about $9, a dinner-and-movie night out can end up costing upward of $100, leaving many men — who typically foot the bill —wondering how to merge their caviar taste in women with a beer-and-peanuts budget.
And with New Year’s Eve on the horizon, the pressure to partner proliferates.
According to a recent survey sponsored by eHarmony, economic woes are causing stress in the love life of singles and married couples. Sixty percent of single men and 52 percent of single women surveyed claim the economy is causing them to stress about their love life, while 19 percent of single men and 25 percent of single women say the economy increases their desire to be in a long-term relationship.
Getting ‘more creative’
Dating professionals say many singles are curtailing their courting, while others are opting to remain in their current relationships. Still, the bad economy may actually make for better dating. The cash crunch forces people to be more resourceful, spend more time getting to know each other and transcend conventional roles and preconceived ideas about dating.
“You’ve got to get a little more creative,” said Atlanta dating coach Jula Jane, who recommends attending art gallery and restaurant openings, eating pizza by candlelight, picnicking on the floor, going to the park or renting a movie.
Dating differs from a relationship, and should remain “fun and flirty,” Jane said, but money should not be a major factor.
Avoid talking about finances and don’t let money restrict the getting-to-know-you process.
Who pays for what should be determined by the parties involved. What works for one couple may not work for another, but keeping the lines of communication open ensures that expectations are understood.
The traditional dinner-and-a-movie date is likely to be thrown out, along with the notion that women need to be wined and dined all the time, said dating coach Jess McCann, author of “You Lost Him at Hello,” a book that promotes dating as a function of sales. Less emphasis will be placed on where people are going and what they are doing.
“I’m hoping people realize that it’s expensive and we can do more fun things for less money,” said McCann. “If a guy really likes you, he’ll take you to some nice places. But what’s more important in this economy, going to a fancy restaurant or getting to know someone?”
Cost-efficient courtship
Before getting to know someone, of course, comes the struggle of finding someone to get to know. In today’s economy, bookstores, coffee shops and the Internet are becoming the new cost-efficient meeting spots.
Craigslist, for instance, has experienced a surge in personal ads placed by Atlantans. In November, the site received 106,256 personal ads — including strictly platonic friendship requests — compared to 89,205 a year ago.
Dating site eHarmony, which matches people by personality, also received a jump in Atlanta subscribers. In the past year, the site has experienced a 7 percent increase in registered users from the greater Atlanta area and a 9 percent increase in users from Georgia.
As more singles hit the Internet in search of love, fewer are hitting the bars and nightclubs.
Women are discovering that bars are not the place to meet men, and eventually they will stop sitting around ordering expensive martinis while waiting to be approached, said McCann, who believes women should take greater control of the dating process. “Instead, they will go to Starbucks and talk to the guy ahead of them in line.”
Margaret Wright, 29, avoids the club scene and takes advantage of opportunities to mix and mingle at entertainment events and other social gatherings. She also orders appetizers instead of entrees, water instead of soft drinks, and less expensive wine.
“It’s about being wise and conserving,” Wright said of the money- and calorie-saving strategy.
Play dates and mixers
Several local organizations also offer singles an alternative to the club and bar scene for less money.
In 2005, Imari Harvard created Play Date Atlanta, which offers monthly socials that connect 30-somethings with like-minded people through fun and games. The Atlanta attraction has grown from 80 people monthly in 2005 to about 450 now, and recently expanded into nine other cities, including Dallas, Houston and Seattle. Harvard abandoned his corporate job to manage the business.
At $10 a pop, the carefree atmosphere provides a suitable, economical option for singles to meet or bring a date. Two local couples have united through the events, with one man proposing during a game of musical chairs.
“It’s like being in a big living room at a friend’s house,” said Harvard.
Hotlanta Events & Adventures, which attracts people in their 20s to 30s, does not market itself as a singles or dating club, and employs measures to refrain from becoming a “meat market,” but founder Walter Bell says that “indirectly, people do join to meet other people.”
Launched in 2005, the outdoor social club currently boasts about 1,600 members, about 75 percent of whom are single, Bell estimates. The organization hosts mixers and socials to help members get acquainted and stresses the importance of establishing friendship through mutual interests. A regular membership is free; members pay for events such as hiking, camping and climbing. Advanced membership runs $25 and entitles you to events plus movie screenings.
Staying the course
For some singles, though, the economy hasn’t altered the way they date or socialize.
Joe Stewardson, 51, enjoys a “modest approach” to dating, such as frequenting coffee shops and bookstores or enjoying a beer at home. A cup of coffee at Danneman’s Coffee Shop, which he owns, costs about $1.50, making it an affordable place to hang out and meet people, he said.
“I’m old enough to have seen the economy go through something like this before, so I don’t get too worked up about it,” he said.
Neither does Kate Thacker.
The Inman Park resident spends about $60 a week on food and drinks during her usual three nights out, mostly at work-related functions. The public relations professional says she hasn’t cut back on her social life and would reduce other expenses, such as her grocery bill, first.
“Everybody’s feeling the pressure, but sometimes it’s good to just unwind and enjoy yourself,” said Thacker, 22.
ROMANCE AND FINANCE
When you’re strapped for cash, dating can be a hassle instead of a joy. Here are some tips to help you cut costs without cutting out the courting:
• Do a gym day. Spend time at your health club (pool, rock climbing wall, basketball courts, etc.).
• Enjoy the arts. Visit museums or galleries.
• Attend a sporting event. Buy cheap tickets but don’t sit in your seats. Sit at the bar area to get a better view.
• Go to the park. Share sunset at Stone Mountain or see Holiday in Lights at Centennial Olympic Park.
• Listen to a reading. Check with bookstores about author appearances. You can learn, get to know each other and have something to discuss afterward.
MEETING PLACES
• Play Date Atlanta. Enjoy fun and games such as Monopoly, Jenga or musical chairs during monthly events. www.Play Dateatl.com.
• Hotlanta Events and Adventures. Get outside and enjoy nature with other like-minded people. www.hotlantaevents.com.
• NetParty Atlanta. Join other young professionals at monthly business and social networking events. www.netparty.com.
Source: Jess McCann, staff reports
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