DEL.ICIO.USLess than half of households are married couples, and singles aren't rushing to wed
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 11/28/06
As 28-year-old Carolina Beltran sipped cider and noshed on tater tots at The Local, an intown tavern, she wasn't daydreaming about meeting The One in this easygoing, smoky hangout.
In fact, she rarely frets about falling in love and getting married.
 KEITH HADLEY/Staff | ||
| Cameron Magbee, 23, who works at Whole Foods, says he isn't afraid of marriage but would want premarital counseling. | ||
 KEITH HADLEY/Staff | ||
| Kenyatta Dudley (left), 26, and Sharon Higgs, 39, give their views on marriage at Whole Foods on Ponce de Leon Avenue in Atlanta, which is usually crawling with singles. Dudley recently got engaged, but Higgs is fine with cohabitating with her boyfriend. | ||
 W.A. BRIDGES JR./Staff | ||
| Toini Moctezuma and her daughter, Gulianna, 3, read together. Moctezuma, who's divorced, recently created the metro-area publication Single Parent Living. | ||
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"We'll just have to see if marriage is in the cards for me," said Beltran. "I say, 'If I don't have a good piece of jewelry by the time I'm 35, I'll buy it myself.' "
Beltran — a single professional living solo in a one-bedroom intown apartment — is part of a new majority.
In Georgia and across the country, unmarried households have eclipsed married ones for the first time, according to census figures released this month.
The unmarried households are a diverse bunch and include the never-been-married, the divorced, the cohabitating, the widowed, and same-sex couples. They include single moms and dads raising their kids solo and Grandma who lost her husband but prefers to live alone in sunny Florida than bunking with her kids.
In Georgia, 49.5 percent of households are home to married couples (with or without kids), according to U.S. census figures released this month. In DeKalb and Fulton counties, just over a third of households are married households.
In 1990, married households accounted for about 55 percent of households in Georgia. In step with the rest of the country, the husband-and-wife demographic has been on a steady decline. In the 1970s, married-couple families accounted for about 7 of every 10 American homes.
A more cautious outlook
While the once dominant social landscape of Mom, Dad, kids (and maybe a dog and picket fence) is disappearing, experts say the shift doesn't mean marriage is dead in America.
The shift reflects a changing attitude toward marriage that includes divorce-wary singles who worry about repeating their parents' mistakes, and unmarried couples who don't bother to make their relationship official, even after kids enter into the picture.
For many people, marriage is still desirable, but it's put on hold — often referred to by experts as "The Marriage Delay."
Sande Harte, chaired professor of the sociology, social work and gerontology department at Mount St. Mary's College in California, believes singles who press the pause botton on marriage are just being more cautious about entering a lifelong commitment.
And David Popenoe, co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, said couples today who decide to get married stand a better chance of staying together than in decades past. For example, divorce rates peaked in the 1980s, surpassing the 50-50 mark, but a couple getting married today for the first time faces close to a 40 percent chance of splitting up, according to analysis by the National Marriage Project, a leading marriage-tracking think tank.
Still, marriage is not as strong or vibrant as it once was. Experts point to the record number of babies born out of wedlock. In Georgia, almost 4 in 10 babies are born to single moms.
"In times past, most people wouldn't consider having a child if not married," Popenoe said. "It would be frowned upon. But the bottom line is people want more and more personal freedom and a chance to do what they want to do, and it's more each person for himself."
And men and women — young and old — have more alternatives to marriage today.
In past generations, men and women may have gone from graduating from high school to marriage with money and sex motivating them to walk down the aisle, Popenoe said. But today, women are more likely to be financially independent. And changing social norms make it easier for men to have sex without committing to marriage.
"For thousands and thousands of years, women were satisfied with staying home and raising children. They didn't expect romance and a 'date night' with their husbands. Women didn't work outside the home," said Janice Hoffman, author of "Relationship Rules: 12 Strategies for Creating a Love That Lasts." "Women were happy and satisfied to have a provider, a protector and a father for their children. That was only 40 years ago."
But now, if they are not feeling it, some men and women would rather be solo.
A mix of attitudes
At Whole Foods on Ponce de Leon Avenue, where scores of singles fill up their pint-size shopping carts, many of the shoppers seemed skittish about marriage.
Kenyatta Dudley, 26, just recently got engaged to the father of her two children. Even though the couple have lived together for four years and formed a family of four together, she was hesitant about saying "I do" to marriage.
"There's this fear of divorce, and you want to make sure it's the right thing to do," Dudley said as she bought pastries on her lunch break. She said it just seemed as though it would be easier if they went their separate ways. But she said the relationship has strengthened, and she's now ready for the next step.
Her friend Sharon Higgs, 39, is perfectly happy cohabitating.
"Getting married is not a goal of mine," said Higgs, who has lived with her boyfriend for the past 10 years.
It's easier, she said, to part ways when you don't have a marriage to dissolve.
But Cameron Magbee, a 23-year-old employee at Whole Foods, said he thinks he will likely marry his girlfriend of a year and a half.
He said he's not afraid or cynical about marriage.
And if he's in love, why wait?
At the same time, he thinks he has a realistic view of marriage.
He would like to go to premarital counseling before getting married. And he doesn't expect it to be perfect.
"I know marriage is not going to be great all the time," said Magbee, "but I still think marriage is a good thing."
Focusing on other things
Traditionally, about 90 percent of American singles eventually marry, trend watchers at the National Marriage Project say, but the researchers are starting to see that number slide closer to 85 percent.
Toini Moctezuma, a divorced, single mom, is not considering getting married a second time. She said she is focusing on her 3-year-old daughter's needs. She's also created a 16-page publication for single parents in the area called Single Parent Living.
But she added that people who get divorced don't necessarily have a flippant attitude toward marriage.
"I think people who get married and then divorced wanted it to work, and everyone has their story," Moctezuma said.
And Beltran, who works for an online marketing agency, enjoys her independence. Sometimes, she's home reading David Sedaris and strolling around Virginia-Highland. Other times, she joins friends for a movie or trivia night.
At The Local, Beltran was feeling a bit of pressure to scribble down a correct answer to the trivia question about the 1992 U.S. Men's Olympic Basketball team — "the Dream Team" — before the buzzer went off.
But on the topic of marriage, she's more relaxed. "I don't feel any pressure," Beltran said. "If it happens, it happens."
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