Women need to be kinder to one another

I read Amy Benson Brown’s column (“Please send reprieve from requests,” @issue, May 4) and the responses published a week later. It saddens me to see women (especially mothers) disparaging each other in the newspaper. Hearing this kind of conversation, kids learn that devaluing other mothers, other women, is OK. (Even if they are not reading the paper, they hear conversations between mothers.)

As a middle-school counselor, I often witness the beginnings of a tendency girls and women have: belittling each other as we talk about our experiences. The tendency seems to arise out of a need to defend who we are against a barrage of criticism from peers, from cultural messages and from ourselves.

I prefer a conversation where a girl or woman tells her story and others say: “I’m glad to know something about your life. Let me tell you about mine.” Teaching girls to listen to each other, without automatically judging themselves as better or worse than others, is a goal of my work. For women, I know it’s very hard to break the defensive listening and responding patterns that are established in us at such young ages. Even still, I make the following request:

Dear moms, please try to listen and respond to each other less defensively. In doing so, you can help teach children to value womanhood (and motherhood) in all its variations.

Rachel Henning, Decatur

Not all moms can or should be at school

Wow, what an unpleasant way to start a new week, reading the shrill, spiteful reactions to Amy Benson Brown’s column about school requests. I’m a single working mom who also finds herself overwhelmed by the seemingly endless requests coming from my son’s school. I thought Ms. Benson Brown’s article was amusing and tongue-in-cheek and it didn’t hit any wrong notes with me.

Some moms are able to stay at home and devote their existence to their children; many more of us work and cannot spend a majority of our time doing so. I can say this: I do what I can, always. And if I am in a hurry in the morning, it is not, as a letter writer alleged, to beat the rush to get in line at Starbucks (can’t afford it) or get my BMW serviced (don’t drive one; again, can’t afford it, and I get my much less expensive car serviced during work hours so my son doesn’t need to sit there bored).

I’m rushing to get to my job, which is the lifeblood of our family, keeps a roof over our heads, healthy food on the table (which I cook, from scratch) and decent clothes on my son’s back. It keeps us covered in good health and dental insurance and builds up a savings account for his future. You know, all of those kinds of things.

My work ethic also instills values in my son, shows him the necessity of hard work. The free time we get to spend together is that much more special because there is less of it; he knows this and appreciates it. I am raising an exemplary child who knows that while he is the center of my world, he is not always center stage because that is not how life works, ever.

I felt perhaps the readers who attacked Ms. Benson Brown (and I ask why was an attack necessary?) felt a teeny bit defensive —- how dare she imply that perhaps so much parental involvement in the school is unwarranted? The best part was the claim that these “helicopter parents” were “taking care” of all of these other kids whose parents don’t have time to spend every minute of the school day hovering over their children. Um, nobody asked you to, so why don’t you just back off?

That said, I do support parental involvement in our schools; it is important. So is moderation. Every parent, contributing a bit of their time, accomplishes exactly the same thing as a few contributing most of their time. And focusing on something besides your kids is healthy, this is just common sense.

Alicia D. Brandt, Atlanta

Like a building, education requires base

I am stunned to read the article by history professor Stuart Galishoff (“It’s our creative drive, not schools, that makes us great,” @issue, May 11.) I hope he’s not teaching his students to believe that a solid high-rise building can be constructed without a solid base. Excellence in tertiary education depends upon the basic skills students learn in schools. If one follows the professor’s logic, then disbanding our education system will do us good as schools are not necessary. It may be time for Galishoff to read something about education besides history.

Comparatively speaking, we might have achieved greater economic success than Europe in post-war years, but it has been financed by foreigners. Just look at our national debt and fiscal and trade deficit.

Pavittar Safir, Roswell

Cobb grading fails

I have a third-grader in Cobb schools who is on the “traditional” report card and grading system, the letter-grade scale from E (excellent) to U (unsatisfactory), and a kindergartner on the “new” report card. The new report card uses a numerical 1, 2, 3 scale that assesses kids on such state standards as, for example in language arts, decoding unfamiliar words, reading orally with speed, using antonyms and synonyms, making predictions and connections.

While I have been told that the goal is to shift from a grade-based assessment to an achievement-based assessment, this has not been done well at all. The teachers haven’t been adequately or successfully trained and are unable to consistently and objectively award grades or to explain the new assessment to the parents. I brought up an actual grading scenario involving my son’s math class where he earned (and I want to place emphasis on earned) an 89 because, despite the average of the other 10 superior grades, he failed a test because of lack of effort, interest or concern. In other words, he earned the 89 as a consequence of his behavior. Under the new system, the teacher would not consider the failed test when making an assessment if she feels he has since mastered the skill; in other words, there would be no consequence for the failing behavior.

Why would our school district change to one grading system for early grades only to retrain parents and students to follow a more traditional grading system in later grades and high school? If Cobb believes that this new grading system should eventually be used in all grades, has anyone evaluated how this impacts college-bound high school students?

There has been no case for how this grading change improves or supports student learning and achievement. Before implementing this grading system further, we need to step back and objectively assess how the new grading system is working in k-2. Overall, I am disappointed with Cobb for making these changes without better planning and execution. Shame on them. And I am pleased that the Board of Education has heard the concerns from parents and is demanding to weigh in on this topic.

Susan McCullough, Marietta

Degree’s intangibles

I am grateful to AJC columnist Maureen Downey and her son for daring to propose that “The price and worth of a degree (@issue, May 4)” are intangibles.

Discovering how one fits into the bigger picture of history and humanity writ large is a rare knowledge for most, but it is more likely to come from a college graduate (or diligent autodidact) who has read and wrestled with ideas born of great minds whose works have survived long scrutiny. The so-called Great Books, or other works fitting into liberal arts studies, aid the careful reader to learn what’s worth knowing (as so much today is not); what the role of the individual is, vis-a-vis the community, or the government, or religious institutions; what one’s passions and convictions are; and what one’s vulnerabilities are; in short, principles that endure and that inform character. Downey’s son seems well on his way toward a sound and enduring education.

Lori Feig-Sandoval, Atlanta

MBAs don’t know all

While we might have always hated hearing that liberal arts students “learned” how to think, we really learned much more —- about creativity, writing, communicating, history, art and survival.

That’s why, after nearly 40 years working in business as a purchasing agent and materials manager, I was fascinated to have a salesman say, after he discovered I was a poli-sci/American history major, that he was “surprised” so many liberal arts people ended up in business. Well, that’s where lots of the jobs are. And surprisingly, business needs lots of liberal arts folks. We’re pretty darn flexible, learn quickly and need to make a living, too. So it’s been a fun run for me —- teaching engineers and accountants that the world isn’t flat. Better yet, that my life is so full outside of “work.”

I’m grateful my boys have learned that, too. Heavens knows, the MBAs haven’t been doing many favors lately for the world, but kids like mine will be able to think beyond the end of their nose. And themselves.

McKay Schwalbach, Savannah