Neal Boortz: Stimulating chats around the table

By Neal Boortz

For The AJC

I just love these kitchen table discussions.

You know, like the one the president had with that architect in Cleveland a few weeks back? That one turned out real well. The president wanted to get the cameras recording him having a little kitchen chat with a family that has benefited from his wonderful stimulus package.

It was only a few days later that we found out that the projects on this architect’s table had nothing whatsoever to do with the stimulus. The junta PR machine really failed him on that one, but whatever. The photo op was passed and nobody was really paying that much attention anymore.

Well I thought it might be fun (if not downright amusing) for us to stage a few more kitchen table conversations for The Community Organizer. This time it would feature the American taxpayers who are footing the bill for the Democrats’ stimulus plan, not the people supposedly benefitting from it.

First, we find the right kitchen table. Must be that of a taxpaying family, not a tax-consuming family. Go for the average, a household that pays $10,000 a year in federal income taxes. Then sit them down and convince them that there was a greater need to take that money from them in order to spend it on a specific stimulus project than there ever possibly could have been for them to keep the money and spend it as they saw fit.

Got the picture? There’s President Barack Obama over here, and over there the family. Obama has their 10 grand. Let’s see, what’s our first stimulus project the president wants to brag on?

Imagine listening to our president tell this family that their $10,000 is going to the North Carolina State University Insect Museum. Wow! The family feels better already! But imagine how wonderful they’re going to feel about their participation in promoting an economic recovery when they find out that part of the $252,123 in stimulus cash spent on this project went to fund a “Hexapod Haiku Challenge!” And it only gets better! Still more of the money is going to be spent to develop ... wait for it ... INSECT CARDS!

Yup, “packs of baseball-style cards featuring North Carolina’s native and fascinating insects!” Collect them all! I can’t wait for this year’s rookie insect cards.

Then we get to hear Obama tell the working family that there’s still some cash left over from their taxes, so we’re also going to post an “insect of the week” on the Museum website. I’m sure the taxpayer will then respond with something like: “Well, Mr. President, we did have some medical bills to pay, and the car is in bad need of some repairs, but these bug cards and the haiku challenge are so much more important. Besides, just think of the jobs that are being created! Keep us posted on the insect of the week, would you?”

Next city ... next kitchen table ... next tax-paying family. This time we’re only talking about $60,000; the total taxes paid by six average American families. This wonderful jobs-producing hunk of stimulus cold hard cash goes to researchers at Florida International University. Why? So they can “document and provide statistical analysis regarding the rise of colonial lawsuits in the Spanish empire.” The taxpayers seem relieved that their money is going to such a worthy cause, much more worthy than fixing the air conditioning and taking care of the new roof they’ve been putting off. The taxpayers seem satisfied. Obama beams. The economy rolls on.

That hopey-changey thing is really working out for us.

Listen to Neal Boortz live from 8:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. weekdays on AM 750 and now 95.5FM News/Talk WSB.

His column appears every Saturday. For more Boortz, go to boortz.com