Who cares if people are not ready for the TV switchover?

When digital TV comes, does that mean my old rabbit ears will pick up the same old regular static, or high-definition digital static?

Now that summer is here and my kids are bored at home, they just stare at me like the money I could be saving with Geico.

To all the bored kids: Please read this summer. —- Signed your teachers

I actually waited to buy an iPhone. The way things go, sooner or later I will get one free.

I can't imagine why the mayor and the city of Atlanta don't want to take care of injured cops. They didn't choose to get hurt.

What is the infatuation with riding your brakes?

It's been a bad past few months for me. I just had to peel my McCain/Palin bumper sticker off of my Pontiac.

Watching Hannity interview Limbaugh is like watching Laurel interview Hardy.

So Susan Lucci's Erica Kane is looking for a younger lover. At her age, what other kind is there?

'Tis nobler to back into an empty parking place than to back out into moving traffic. It's about safety, not time.

Is it part of the application process that all UPS employees look good in brown shorts?

I'm tired of my Vents not getting published. I'm going back to writing on walls.

I think Facebook will replace Internet porn as the No. 1 time killer at work.

If I don't lose my job during the Obama administration, I assume he'll be taking credit for saving it?

Thank you, Judge Ginsburg. I think the Chrysler ruling may be your finest hour.

I hope the FBI has something better to do than observe the Carradine probe.

Golf is more boring than fishing because golf requires you to find another boring person to play the game.

Most millionaires come from "old money." They didn't earn it themselves.

Today, most millionaires are self-made by saving and frugal living. You would be surprised by the number of millionaires who live below your means.

I never experienced road rage until they put up the ramp entrance lights.