Q: Until two weeks ago, I had a nice working relationship with "Kate," my administrative assistant. Then she suddenly stopped talking to me. Now she asks only necessary business questions.

Kate is fine with everyone else in the office, but she won't even look at me or say "goodbye" at the end of the day. When I ask if I've done anything to upset her, she says "no."

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I've tried small talk, but that makes her clam up more. I have absolutely no idea why she's acting this way. Any advice on getting her to open up?

A: People who use the silent treatment are deeply afraid of conflict. Their actions clearly convey anger, but, when asked what's wrong, they invariably say "nothing" in a frosty tone.

The target of this tactic faces an impossible dilemma: A problem clearly exists, but there's no way to resolve it. Continued attempts to placate the passive-aggressive pouter will reinforce the behavior. So the only way to end this silly game is to stop playing.

If Kate were a co-worker, I'd say ignore her foolishness and go about your business. However, as her manager, you must put an end to this mime act.

For example: "Kate, I know you're upset, but I have no idea why. If you'd like to tell me, I'll be glad to discuss your concerns. But if not, we still need to communicate normally. So would you prefer to talk about the problem or just return to regular communication?"

If Kate still insists that nothing is wrong, simply say: "That's great. I'm glad to know everything's OK." Then drop the subject, resume your normal relationship and ignore any pouting.

Kate's sulky behavior should disappear soon. But if not, treat it like any other performance problem. Kate needs to learn that mature professionals don't act out their feelings like 3-year-olds.

MARIE G. McINTYRE

OFFICE COACH

Q: Our company recently was acquired by a large corporation. When jobs were realigned, mine was assigned to a lower pay grade. However, as we merged functions, my responsibilities were effectively doubled.

During my performance review, I received glowing praise. But I also was told that I will receive only a 1 percent raise, because my salary is almost $10,000 more than others in my group. My boss says this decision is "not personal." Should I believe him?

A: This is an unfortunate acquisition saga. When companies combine, blending different job classification systems is a tough task. And the new owner usually gets to make the rules.

Your old company apparently paid more, so your salary exceeds the maximum for your new pay grade. When that happens, raises typically are minimized until everyone's pay is "in line."

Because no one ever feels overpaid, I'm sure this seems unfair. But it truly is not personal. The "glowing praise" indicates that you are still highly valued. Your compensation just needs to fit the new scheme.

However, your recently doubled responsibilities may provide some recourse. Ask your human resources manager if this new job description might warrant a higher pay grade.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.