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DEL.ICIO.USJames Kinlow: ‘Almost as if he knew what was going to happen’
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Thomson â€â€? Daphanie Kinlow’s eyes rimmed with tears as she looked at the sheets of notebook paper folded neatly in her lap. It was her husband’s handwriting.
Sgt. James Kinlow
Seven months before, she recalled, he had summoned her and their two children into the bedroom. “Daddy wants to show y’all something,” he said.
Her husband was a member of the Georgia Army National Guard and was about to be mobilized for duty in Iraq. Ever the practical father, he had written out his own obituary and wanted to talk about final arrangements in case he didn’t come home.
“If two men in military uniforms ever come looking for you,” he warned his wife, “I’m gone. I’m dead.”
On Monday morning, they came.
Daphanie Kinlow was standing at a fax machine in the McDuffie County school offices, where she works as payroll manager, when two men in Army dress uniforms walked up and asked if they could speak to her privately.
Her husband, Sgt. James O. Kinlow, a 35-year-old truck driver in civilian life, had been killed the night before by a bomb as he drove a Humvee on patrol outside Baghdad.
Daphanie felt a sickening sense of déjàvu as she remembered that day when her husband gathered the family for a talk that upset her and their children, 15-year-old Chauncey and 10-year-old Chelsea.
“It was almost as if he knew what was going to happen,” she said Wednesday, as she sat in the living room of their tidy brick home in this east Georgia town near Augusta. She was surrounded by relatives, friends and co-workers â€â€? so many of them at times that some of the young ones had to sit on the shag carpet.
An image of her husband in desert fatigues stared out from a computer screen on one side of the room. He looked younger than his years. On the other side of the room, T.D. Jakes preached from a muted TV. Daphanie noticed the religious program and smiled. “I gave James his [Jakes’] latest book for his last birthday.”
‘We sort of grew up together’
It was a scene of grief and remembrance that has played out across Georgia this week as families in Thomson, Sylvester, Valdosta and Covington learned that their soldiers had become the first deaths from enemy action in the yearlong deployment of the guard’s 48th Brigade Combat Team.
In this case, it was like a death in two towns. The Kinlows live in Thomson, but were raised up the road in Lincolnton, where James and Daphanie met at Lincoln County High.
“He was real skinny, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to date someone that scrawny,” Daphanie said with a laugh. But they were soon inseparable. “He was my best friend. He liked to dance and he liked to joke around. We sort of grew up together.”
They called each other “Bay,” short for Baby.
James Kinlow graduated from high school in 1988 and joined the Guard the following year. He enjoyed the part-time duty and planned to stay in until he qualified for a military retirement. When he found out he was being deployed to Iraq late last year, his parents were alarmed.
Carrie Kinlow, the slight woman sitting at the breakfast table, was opposed to the war and let her son know that she didn’t like him having any part in it. His father, Chester Kinlow, a retired custodian at the county courthouse, didn’t like it any better.
But Daphanie decided that her feelings about the conflict were irrelevant once her husband was involved.
“I felt like, right or wrong, I had to support my soldier,” she said, opening an album of photos James sent her from Iraq. One showed him posing in front of a Bradley Fighting Vehicle that he drove and nicknamed Daphanie. Another showed him in a Humvee with some of the soldiers who died Sunday night.
“I told him that things over there weren’t as bad as the news made it seem,” said Daphanie’s brother, Dave Ferguson, who served in Iraq as an Army supply sergeant during the early days of the war. “But I guess things are different now. We weren’t playing defense then.”
Blanketed with love
After she learned of her husband’s death, Daphanie said, she wanted to go home and crawl under the covers. Instead, her family and community blanketed her and her children with love and concern.
As she put away the photos, the back door flew open and a voice announced, “Coming in!” It was Daphanie’s mother, Gladys Ferguson, trailed by a procession of kinfolk bringing food and cartons of canned drinks.
Then there was a knock at the front door. A co-worker of Daphanie’s, Jamie Sikes, had arrived with plates of carry-out Chinese for lunch.
“Now, the middle school’s got your meals tomorrow, and the high school’s got your meals Friday,” she told her friend. “Your family is definitely not going to go hungry.”
The Kinlow children have a wide circle of friends, too. Chelsea is a gifted program student at Norris Elementary School. Chauncey plays football and basketball at Thomson High. When he found out about his father’s death after football practice Monday, his mother said, he vowed to quit the team because his No. 1 fan wouldn’t be there to watch him.
That afternoon, 30 of his teammates showed up at the house, still sweaty from practice, and told Chauncey that they were part of his family, too.
“They were smelling and everything,” his mother said, grinning and dabbing her eyes with tissue at the same time. “There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. They were so sweet.”
Chauncey was still in bed Wednesday when his defensive line coach, Rodney Garvin, showed up at the door wanting to speak with him.
Daphanie told him to go on back. “And get on him about what shape his room is in.”
Garvin reappeared a few minutes later and told her that Chauncey should take all the time he needed, but it might do him some good to come back and be with his teammates. “We’ll say a prayer for him again tonight.”
Daphanie’s cellphone rang. It was someone wanting to know about funeral arrangements.
She learned Wednesday that the body will return home this week and that her husband had been given a posthumous promotion from specialist to sergeant. She wants to hold services as soon as possible � probably this weekend, perhaps Saturday.
The funeral will be at First Baptist Church in Lincolnton, with pallbearers from the National Guard and Kinlow’s Masonic lodge, and flowerbearers from the Lincoln County High School Class of 1988.
Everything, she said, will be just as he wanted it on that day when he called his family into the bedroom to talk. Most of the details are right there in his own handwriting.
Services »
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Jane Cheesewright
July 28, 2005 07:27 AM | Link to this
Sincere Sympathy to you and your family,
I have a nephew in Iraq and we pray for he and his buddies every day.
He has a new baby girl here waiting for her daddy to return home safely.
Our thoughts and prayers are with the guys over there. I know they are doing good for the people over there and that makes it a little easier to deal with his being gone from home.
Articles like these are hard to read, but do us good to read to make us so aware of the dangerous jobs the guys are doing.
Thanks for the great articles.
By mary e jennings
July 28, 2005 07:31 AM | Link to this
My heart is sad with all the wives of the 48th. My husband retired from the Canton unit. They are a good group of army personnel. They are doing what they were trained to do. All of them and their families are in my prayers every day.
By Penny
July 28, 2005 08:43 AM | Link to this
As the proud wife of a fellow 48th BDE soldier, I have to say this article brought me to tears. Daphanie Kinlow you are a true inspiration to the rest of us military wives. I admire your courage and strength that came through this article. Please know that the Family Readiness Groups are here to help you and support you in anyway we can.
Penny Schneider, Chairperson Bravo 1/121-Covington-FRG Supporting our Hometown Heroes by helping and supporting the families they leave behind.
By brenda
July 28, 2005 08:47 AM | Link to this
Though I’m deeply opposed to our military presence in Iraq, I have the greatest respect for our men and women in uniform over there.
I want to extend my heartfelt condolences and prayers to you and your family during this very sad time.
Your family will be in my prayers.
By Tia Hamilton
July 28, 2005 08:48 AM | Link to this
You and your family are in my prayers and youhave my deepest sympathy. I know that the Lord wil not gie you more than you can handle. I would like to share a prayer with you called The Serenity Prayer. This is a prayer that I am saying daily that is helping me.
The Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will. That I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3, 5-6
God Bless You and your Family.
Tia Detroit, MI
By Leonard B. Mitchell
July 28, 2005 08:55 AM | Link to this
Sincere sympathy to your family and rememeber the joy and laughter you and your family shared. I pray that you and your husbad’s family keep your faith and we as nation of people will keep you in our prayers.
By Shakira
July 28, 2005 08:57 AM | Link to this
My prayers go out to the family members of the 48th who members were killed this week and for working in Iraq. As a medically retired soldier from Fort Stewart I still read up on my brothers and sisters in arms who must travel the dangerous roads of another land. Rest in peace Carl Fuller.
By Misti McCallister
July 28, 2005 09:20 AM | Link to this
I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and your family. God bless you.
By Sharon Peel
July 28, 2005 09:22 AM | Link to this
While I don’t agree with the war my support is strong for those over there doing their jobs. It’s stories like this that put faces to those fighting the war, making the soldiers just as familiar as if they were part of your own family. My prayers and love go out to the family. Use the strength you gather from those that are close to continue as Sgt. Knowles would have you to do. I pray that the son continues his football. His number one fan will be there in attendance as ususal!
By Judy Franzone
July 28, 2005 09:24 AM | Link to this
My Heart goes out to the James Kinlow family and all the other families that has lost love ones in this war.Please let Daphanie and her children that they are in my prayers.
Judy Franzone
By Deborah Glenn
July 28, 2005 09:36 AM | Link to this
My heart goes out to the Kinlow family, to his wife and children, I pray that God will continue to hold you all in the palm of his hand. My son (only child) is in the Ga. Army National Guard, (Winder Ga.) he was deployed to Iraq when the war first started, I thank God he returned home safely. We as a National Guard family must continue to lift up our Soliders daily in prayer, that they all return back home to us safe, real soon.
By K Wright
July 28, 2005 09:43 AM | Link to this
My prayers are with this family.
By Chandra
July 28, 2005 09:45 AM | Link to this
The prayers are going up for you and your family and loved ones. GOD bless you and keep you always.
By Regina L Bryant
July 28, 2005 09:56 AM | Link to this
Although I don’t know what is like to lose a best friend and husband, I know loss. My deepest sympathy goes to you and your family during this time of bereavement. I pray for the soldiers everyday. Although I didn’t know your husband, he was my brother in Christ, my Masonic brother. Find solace in the fact that he is truly ‘home’ now and has found his place at the foot of the Almighty’s Throne.
By Maria Gober
July 28, 2005 10:07 AM | Link to this
Daphanie, Chauncey, Chelsea and the entire Kinlow family and friends;
Thought’s, prayer’s and heart felt wishes go out to each of you as you reflect on the son, husband, father and friend that touched the lives of many and who’s sprit will be with each of you everlastingly.
Prayers go out not only to the Kinlow family, the 48th National Guard, but the entire military and their families.
We here so much of what family values is, Reflect on family values as being our son’s, daughters, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers and friends. Family values are bringing our troops home to their families safe and sound in order that they may be that inspiration at home.
By Kathy Wilkes
July 28, 2005 10:15 AM | Link to this
By Kathy Wilkes My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. I feel as though I am apart of your family even though I have never met you all because I have a brother that is in the military. Tears filled my eyes because God knew you had a good husband, man, and father and we all must understand that we are on his borrowed time. God said he needed his help there and since there will be so many beautiful memories left behind with your family and friends; he knew that everybody would be ok and that you didn’t mind sharing him with someone who has been less fortunate. Be happy knowing that he wanted in life to be a military soldier. I salute you Sgt. James O. Kinlow. God Bless You All
By Yolanda
July 28, 2005 10:29 AM | Link to this
Be strong for your children. Your husband is in a wonderful resting place. God Bless you and your family.
By Cynthia
July 28, 2005 10:36 AM | Link to this
My prayers go out to you Daphanie, and your children Chauncey and Chelsea and other family members.
Daphanie-cherish your memories and remember weeping may endure for a night - but joy cometh in the morning.
Chauncey and Chelsea-remember your Dad and all he stood for and all he taught you. Chauncey, you will still have your number 1 fan cheering you on and Chelsea, your daddy will always be in your heart. Protect your memories and cherish them like precious gems.
Peace and Blessings
By Leslie Parker
July 28, 2005 11:03 AM | Link to this
I want to extend my deepest and sincere prayers to you and your family.
I pray that God wraps his loving arms around you and the kids and keep all of you safe. Please let your son know that I think that he should continue to play football and that his #1 fan will always be with him and guide him and your daughter.
Sincerest Prayers Powder Springs, GA
By Tim Johnson
July 28, 2005 11:06 AM | Link to this
My deepest sympathy to you and your family. I currently live in Atlanta and I’m part of the Air force reserves and I’m also a mason. I read your story today in the AJC and it literally brought me to tears. No other stories about the deaths in Iraq have affected me like this and I just wanted to let you know that if there is anything I could do to help your family in this time of need, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
By Kawanda
July 28, 2005 11:06 AM | Link to this
Daphnie,
I can’t begin to feel the pain you feel, but as long as you know God is here with you…you can get through this…James is in a much better place..He’s with our Heavenly Father and long as you, Chauncey, and Chelsea know God will not put more on you that you can bear..you will make it through this with time….My prayers,love and thoughts go out to you and your family in your time of sorrow….
Kawanda
By michele
July 28, 2005 11:15 AM | Link to this
My prayers are with you and your family, Daphanie. May God grant you comfort in your time of grief.
Proud wife to a 1-108th soldier.
By Pat
July 28, 2005 11:41 AM | Link to this
May God hold you Daphanie, Chauncey and Chelsea in the palm of his hand and help you through this very hard time. May he give you and all of your family and friends the strength to understand the grief you are feeling. Be proud of your father Sgt. James O. Kinlow hold his memory close and the love he taught you and showed to you. These things will be with you forever. I as an American and Veteran appreciate the service your father gave to our great nation. May God sustain you now and in the days to come. Sincerely, Pat Stone Gainesville, Florida
By CATHY LeBRESCU
July 28, 2005 12:10 PM | Link to this
I have two sons in the 48TH out of Gainesville, Ga. and my heart sank to know we lost a friend, and brother of the 48TH in Irac. For to me all of them are my sons and daughters as much as my two sons are. I , being a mother, worry about them all every moment of my days and nights. Just know this, that with each Prayer I say, your family will be remembered. Just know he is a hero to us all and we can”t THANK YOU enough for sharing him with AMERICA. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
By Michael Castagna
July 28, 2005 12:25 PM | Link to this
To all my friends in the 48th, you are supported and loved by all. We are proud of you. Hello to Greg, Tom, Bryan, and Larry from the 108th. Greg, a package is on the way for you all. God Bless, your friend and buddy Mike Castagna SSG(Ret).
By Joy
July 28, 2005 12:32 PM | Link to this
My heart goes out to you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless you.
By Rev. H. Bernard Branch, Pastor New Central Baptist Church, Norfolk, VA
July 28, 2005 12:35 PM | Link to this
To the Kinlow family be encouraged and know that God will strengthen you each day. My prayer for you and your children are that as you look in the clouds and in the breeze that blows you will always feel his presence. May you be strengthened by Psalm 121: I will lift mine eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help, my help comes from the Lord. Be encouraged and God bless all of you.
By M. Starks
July 28, 2005 12:38 PM | Link to this
My thoughts and prayers go out to the Kinlow family and the 48th National Guard. I am a Active Guard Reserve Soldier stationed in Little Rock Arkansas and I feel your pain. Just keep your heads high and know that God is in total control. Find comfort in knowing that SGT Kinlow is in a better place than we can ever imagine but he will always be with you, Chauncey, Chelsea and the rest of the family in spirit. Although I don’t know you all I will keep you as well as the rest of our military family in my daily prayers. May God Bless you and Keep you.
By THE CHATMAN'S,ATLANTA GA
July 28, 2005 01:39 PM | Link to this
My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family Daphanie Kinlow, and to all families that has lost loved ones in Iraq. I pray that God will continue to bless you alland your families, and watch over you day in, day out.
By Robert & Felicia Snead
July 28, 2005 02:14 PM | Link to this
…for the first time in my life, I am almost speechless. My heart aches for you and your Family— it is obvious that you are not alone, but know that you have a “family” in Powder Springs, GA who are praying for your Strength and continued Faith through this difficult time.
Our love to you, Chauncey, and Chelsea. Make He continue to kee you covered….
~The Sneads
By Mark Junk
July 28, 2005 02:22 PM | Link to this
My deepest sympathy to you and your family. I understand as my Nephew was Sgt Mercer we will miss all of our fallen but will never forget. Our prayers will be with you and your family.
God bless all of you Mark
By Allita
July 28, 2005 03:59 PM | Link to this
My prayers to God for you and your loved ones Mrs. Kinlow. I know that along with God and the angels, James will forever watch over you. I would also like to thank your husband for making the ultimate sacrifice for this country. I do not necessarily agree that we should be at war right now but I am thankful for the men and women who are over there fighting both for our country and their lives. May the good Lord bless and keep all of you!
By Sgt. Tony L. Warren
July 28, 2005 05:35 PM | Link to this
I was deployed with Spc. Kinlow two years ago. My deepest sympathy goes out to his family. You all are surely in my prayers. Although, I only knew him for a short period of time, I can tell you he will be greatly missed.
By Linda
July 28, 2005 08:24 PM | Link to this
To the Kinlow Family, may God Bless all of you and continue to be strong for each other. I lost my father recently and it can be so painful. But remember all of the good times that you all have shared and know that he will always be in your heart which will be forever. GOD BLESS.
By Angela
July 28, 2005 09:29 PM | Link to this
People often wonder where do you find the words to say how you feel. These words are the words I find most fitting for our brave young men and women serving everyone of us in this country, “What greater gift than a man to lay down his life for a friend.” With those words I say “Thank You” to our armed forces, past and present. May God bless us all.
Angela Williams
By Tim Williams
July 28, 2005 09:39 PM | Link to this
Although I do not know you, however, my heart hurts of the passing of a husband, father, son, and a brother. I want you to know that God understands the pain that you are going through, and he will see you through this difficulty in your life. Remember the things that Sgt. Kinlow has taught to each one of you in the family, the wife, and the children. Remember what David said, yea though I walk through the valley of showdow of death, I will fear on evil for thought are with me. Two things are consoling in that verse, first you are going through the valley, but, you are not going to stay in the valley, you will come out of the valley. Second, the Lord is with you as you go through this experience. God will never leave thee nor forsake thee. Trust in God. Chauncey, please do not give up on football. Although your dad will not be here physically to see you play, he is watching from Heaven. Besides there will be other people there to cheer you on. Do your best. May the Lord Bless each of you doing this time. I’m praying for you.
Tim Williams
By Sonya Recker
July 28, 2005 10:37 PM | Link to this
My heart goes out to Daphanie, Chauncey and Chelsea. May God Bless your family and comfort you during this tragic time. I am sorry for the loss of your soldier. I too have a 48th BCT soldier overseas. I am very proud of him for serving our country as I know you are very proud of SGT Kinlow. Just remember that your loved one is in heaven right now watching over you and your precious family. He is dancing with the Angels and I know he will be greatly missed by many.
By Britt McKinney
July 28, 2005 10:57 PM | Link to this
Daphanie- I can’t imagine the pain that you are going through right now, but having known you all my life I know you are strong, courageous, and optimistic. I know you will get through this holding your head high and relying on your faith in God. I pray for you and your children. God Bless You! Britt
By carol cole
July 28, 2005 11:18 PM | Link to this
Thank you so much for sharing your husband, father and son to all of America. He will be remembered always. I will be praying for strenght for you and your family as we lost our son in law from the 48th on JUne 30. May GOD blees and keep you all.
By HOLLY SUTTON
July 29, 2005 12:10 AM | Link to this
GOD SEND YOUR ANGELS OVER THIS FAMILY AND THE REST OF THE FAMILIES WHOM LOST A LOVE YOU.PLEASE LORD COMFORT EACH AND EVERY FAMILY MEMBER.MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU ALL. I SHED TEARS WITH EACH OF THESE FAMILY MEMBERS BECAUSE I HAVE A HUSBAND IN THE 48TH BDG AND IT HURTS HIM AS WELL TO LOSS A FELLOW SOLDIER . GOD YOU DECIDED YOU NEED 4 MORE FLOWERS IN YOUR HEAVENLY GARDEN AND YOU PICKED THEM .REST IN PEACE .GOD PLEASE BE WITH EACH OF THESE FAMILIES.
By Matthew Liss
July 29, 2005 12:36 AM | Link to this
Ms. Kinlow:
Please accept my condolences on the passing of your husband. He was a true patriot of our nation. You and your children are in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that our nation is grateful to those such as your husband who have made the ultimate sacrifice. May God be with you during these tough times.
By Eula
July 29, 2005 09:54 AM | Link to this
May God continue to Bless and keep all of you. Your loss is a great one and is felt by many who have read this article. I personally do not know any of you, but wanted you to know that your loss has affected me in such a profound way. I will keep all of you in my prayers. May God be with you always.
By Tina Whindleton
July 29, 2005 10:10 AM | Link to this
My heart goes out to you and your family. Just know he is in a better place now with the angels. May God protect you and get you all through this tragic time. With deepest sympathy!
By Lisa Partridge Johns
July 29, 2005 05:08 PM | Link to this
Daphanie - I am praying for you and your sweet family every night. You know I love you and have loved you since kindergarden. Your dear friends of “1989” are all praying for you each day. We all love you and will do anything you need. May God ease your saddness and be with your lovely children. I love you. Lisa
By Rebekah
July 29, 2005 05:26 PM | Link to this
I am so sorry for the loss of the 48th Brigade. May God be with these families during these hard times and always. My husband is over there. He deployed with the 48th but was split off to go somewhere else. This loss is great, and I pray that no one else has to suffer this loss. To the families: please know that I am grieving with you. For when any soldier is killed in a combat zone, a brother of my husband is killed, and that hits home. May God protect the soldiers fighting terror and fighting for freedom in the world. God Bless, and may God speed their return.
By Jim Wallace
July 30, 2005 09:25 PM | Link to this
“Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.”
My prayers are with you, Kinlow family and friends - your loved one will be missed by us all … he will not be forgotten …
By SSG Teddy Butler
August 1, 2005 12:44 AM | Link to this
Although I never met u Mrs. Kinlow I alway knew of u. Kinlow was family of the 214th in Thomson and I know u thru him he will be miss by many myself being one. I never knew him to complain (although we did must of it for him) he would always be willing and ready. I am serving over here now and its hard, but when u lose someone here it makes it really hard to bounce back and that’s what we’re all trying to do. My prayers are with u and yours. All we can do is let go and let god and in time we will understand it better. Time can and will heal. Kinlow u will be missed u are always love and never forgotten. SSG Teddy D. Butler
By Bernard Milligan,Jr
August 3, 2005 10:03 AM | Link to this
Daphne: Please know that I stand ready to be there for you when you need someone to talk to about life and its ups and downs. You will smile again and I know that joys does come in the morning. Take care and call me if you need me.
By Tara Willingham Hester
August 3, 2005 08:53 PM | Link to this
Daphanie, My heart goes out to you and your family. The two of you shared a special bond that even death can not break. Hold on to your faith in God and let Him carry you through. May God hold your hand every step that you have to endure. I Love You! Tara
By Chandra LaPlume-Pereira
August 5, 2005 11:52 AM | Link to this
I am so saddened by the news of James’ death. I graduated in his class 1988, and remember him always with a smile on his face. Growing up a military kid, I have a great appreciation for the sacrifices that all the military families make in fight for our freedom. My heart and best thoughts go to you and your two children in this sad, sad time.
By betty whalen
August 10, 2005 07:25 PM | Link to this
May God Bless all of you that have given your life and beliefs for this country . No greater gift than love you have shown and every tear shed wil flow in the river of life so we all can type and sleep at night or get up and go to work daily ,you are the best of the best and your families are proud and i am proud to be able just to say thank you … I know that sometimes is not enough for what you do i have spent many days and nights as an army wife years ago worrying and praying as i still do but you should know with out a blink or a flutter you are in God’s hand and in our hearts ..thank you God Bless America! God Speed!!