Verdict: Who cares what I think, you're gonna see it anyway...

Details: Starring Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor. Directed by George Lucas. Rated PG for sci-fi violence. 2 hours, 11 minutes.

Review: OK, I dare you: Just try not to shiver when those tranquil blue letters flash onscreen: "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. . ." But now for some bad news. Very little in "Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace" lives up to those anticipatory tingles you feel when John Williams' familiar score blasts the theater.

Is George Lucas' new movie visually amazing? Yes. Exciting? Sometimes. Emotionally involving? Almost never. As a technological Everest (and the Mount McKinley of marketing), "Menace" is a remarkable achievement. Too bad writer-director Lucas left out the gee-whiz enthusiasm of the original movies. He also left out memorable characters. He left out the fun.

Should you see it? Sure, you have to. It's a worldwide phenomenon. So pity the poor critic who has to write about its success as a movie. (For the record, I'm a series fan. I saw the first "Star Wars" more than a dozen times in the summer of '77.)

This first installment of a projected prequel trilogy, "Menace" introduces us to Jedi knight Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor, doing a fine vocal homage to Alec Guinness). We meet them as they intercede on behalf of Naboo, a planet targeted for invasion by the powerful Trade Federation.

This fact is one of your first inklings that there's something off about the movie. Tariffs, economic sanctions and blockades aren't subjects that get your blood pounding. The movie is a strange mix. It's full of skulduggery and political maneuvering that children won't care about. But the action is delivered at a frantic pace designed to keep kids with short attention spans in their seats.

The plot takes our knights to Naboo, where they meet Queen Amidala (Natalie Portman), whose elaborate costumes make her look like a sofa in some exotic bordello. Another new character is the long-eared bumbler Jar Jar Binks (voiced by Ahmed Best). Next stop on the tour: Tatooine, home of Luke Skywalker's future dad (and Darth), young Anakin (Jake Lloyd) and his single mom, Schmi (Pernilla August).

Don't worry about spoilers in this review. There's really not a lot to give away. "Menace" doesn't have the grand surprises that the last two "Star Wars" movies packed.

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