Verdict: At least it's short.

By PHIL KLOER
Cox News Service

“Scary Movie 3” blows more opportunities than the post-season Braves.

Time and again, the movie (which parodies lots of other flicks) sets up a spoofy situation that looks like it's gonna be comedy gold, but it can't manage a punch line.

George Carlin shows up as the Architect from “Matrix Reloaded,” spouting sesquipedalian gibberish; Queen Latifah is the Oracle from the same franchise; and Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy are — nudge, nudge — a couple of ripe-for-the-stalking “schoolgirls.” Yeah, and, and . . . uh, that's it. Those are the jokes, folks.

For the record, “SM3” mainly parodies “Signs” and “The Ring,” with some “8 Mile,” “The Others” and “Matrix” tossed in. Charlie Sheen plays the Mel Gibson role from “Signs” and Anna Faris reprises her role as Cindy from the first two “Scary Movies,” now investigating a ringer for the “Ring” killer video. Leslie Nielsen, prominent in the movie ads, is a pumped-up cameo.

“SM3” is the first of the franchise without the Wayans brothers, Shawn and Marlon, who didn't exactly set the bar at stratospheric levels in the first two. There was reason to hope, though, with David Zucker of “Airplane!” fame directing.

But the movie relies on chestnuts like white people using black dialect, which was done so shockingly well by Barbara Billingsley in “Airplane!” 23 years ago. Surely they could have come up with something fresher than that. And don't call me Shirley.