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Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Lawrenceville native or transplant?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
More than 726,000 people live in Gwinnett County. This is according to something called the 2006 state of the county report that provides all sorts of lovely county answers to all sorts of lovely county questions.
Except the most important one: why do all these people just keep on coming?
Natives, does this bother you? Are you tired of us coming?
Wait, we transplants have more questions! We want to know a little something.
Please stand up and tell us what you did for entertainment when Gwinnett was considered the boonies before the birth of the mall and 18-theater cineplexes.
Tell us if folks could get television stations out here before Charter Communications. Because it’s like you’re not used to watching TV since “American Idol” is the only show discussed by 100,000 native Georgians.
What was life like here before Wal-Mart executives learned how to grow from zero to 60 stores in a matter of minutes, and Wachovia and Publix staked out every intersection?
How does it feel to look out in your yard at the trees and shrubs your great-grandparents planted, instead of fancy landscaping done by day laborers moonlighting outside the Home Depot garden section?
Dear natives, as a transplant, I’ve accepted people in the tag office using a Southern drawl to pronounce the Latin “ad valorem.” But I still don’t understand why those rates are so high and why meals always start here with sweet tea and end with banana pudding.
Make no mistake, we transplants love living here, especially the cheap gas stations. But we must attest to the superiority of a giant 7-Eleven Slurpee as something way better than anything QT could think of selling.
The saddest memory of a transplant is that first Sunday spent in Georgia. You think, perhaps a little Chardonnay with Sunday dinner, or a six pack while watching the Falcons. Then you find out you’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto, because there are no Sunday sales here of alcoholic beverages.
Transplants, are you happy now that you live in Georgia?
Natives, do you want more respect for being the founding fathers?
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