Home > Georgians@War > Archives > 2007 > March > 22 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USA mother’s mentality
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
At the war’s midpoint, Kathy Barnes saw a snake’s corpse and took it as a sign.
Will my son die in Baghdad?
A few weeks later, she saw two Canada geese soaring over treetops near her Blue Ridge mountain home.
My son will come back from Iraq to be with his wife.
A rational mind plays this game in wartime. A thunderclap becomes a herald, a bird’s song a prophecy. Looking for omens doesn’t necessarily evidence lack of faith as much as it acknowledges that we really can’t foreknow anything. All we can do is hope.
This war is putting Barnes’ training and faith to the test.
As a therapist in Tiger she helps others deal with fear, both irrational and real. But what of her own fear? Especially when it comes to her son, Edward Berg?
Berg is an Army captain in the 4th Brigade of the 3rd Infantry Division out of Fort Stewart. He’s a 34-year-old prosecutor who, in the military, is a judge advocate general officer. During his first deployment to Iraq in 2005 he was stationed at Camp Liberty. His job was to train Iraqis in international law. Barnes took this to be an early good sign.
He’s not in direct combat, so that means he might be a little bit safer.
Then Barnes discovered that her son’s job required flying for 10 months from city to city in a Blackhawk helicopter.
What if his helicopter is shot down? What if a bomb explodes? How will his wife cope alone with two children? What will I do if I lose him?
Much as Barnes tried to stifle her questions, they would creep up anyway. Each day as the body count of dead American soldiers rose, she wondered if she’d get a knock on the door. She’d wake up crying in the middle of the night, her thin frame shaking. Then she’d get angry that her son enlisted in the military in the first place back in graduate school. He didn’t grow up in a duty-to-country family. But then Barnes would remind herself that his personality is to be loyal to a cause.
So Barnes followed the advice she gave her clients and wrote her feelings down, in journals and poems.
Doing it taught Barnes what her clients knew: Seeing your fears in black and white doesn’t make them disappear.
Her husband, Travis, an ordained minister, told her that being in the clergy and being in the Army were a lot alike: You’re giving your life over to a higher power.
That helped.
Barnes kept writing but she also kept praying. She pulled together a group of other military families who were going through what she was. They’d meet and talk, laugh and cry. She told herself, “Feel, Kathy; feel all the way.” Barnes accepted that she couldn’t control her son’s safety, that she’d just have to let go and trust.
A year ago last January, Berg came home with a bronze medal.
With her son’s return, Barnes’ support meetings waned. The mood of the country shifted against the war. Barnes stopped looking for signs.
Then came the troop surge early this year and a call from her son saying it looked like he’d be going back to Iraq. This time he will serve as a chief justice at Camp Victory near Baghdad. He’s not sure whether his deployment will be four months or 10 months.
One day, not long after the call, two military jets roared through the sky above Barnes’ home, rumbling the house and the valley below. Barnes looked upward, as if searching for another sign.
Permalink | Comments (3) | Categories: Reports from the Homefront
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Laurie Carroll
March 23, 2007 7:47 PM | Link to this
A mother’s love is unconditional and never-ending. As a mom of a soldier who has been deployed once, and was seriously wounded, I truly understand the anxiety that Kathy feels. It gnaws at you day and night. Your soldier is in your every thought; dream; and prayer. You know exactly what time it is in Iraq; you follow the news religiously hoping to see a picture or a glance of your loved one; you get excited when you see a letter or if the phone rings. I dread the day that my son will say that he will have to go back to Iraq. But I do so with pride knowing that he is doing what he feels is best.
Laurie Carroll Proud Army Mom Cpl. Elijah Carroll WIA Oct.20, 2005
By Susan Gannaway
March 24, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this
I’ve rarely seen anything in the newspaper that hit this close to home. I also have a son (32 year old Captain) who came home in January 2006 with third Infantry and goes back with fourth brigade this summer…and I live with the same fears every day! These young men and their colleagues will make you proud…but it’s a tremendous sacrifice for their families.
By Lou
March 25, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this
It is a sad state of affairs when mothers look for divine signs,and pray that the next victim in this senseless war is not her son. Even after the trouncing last November, Bush continues to offer “cannon fodder” to the insurgents. There has to be a special place in hell for him.I offer my prayers to all the troops,and wish a speedy withdrawal. God bless this great country,because we sure need it after 6 years of Bush,and going into year 5 of this ionsanity.