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Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Equal rights just a dream for gay pairs
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
“They met 14 years ago at a gathering of the “Friday Night Group.” It used to be a group of gay women who’d gather on Friday nights, share potluck and have intelligent discussions.
Susan and Betsy Byers have been together ever since. They have two children - Dylan, 11, and Justin, 3. Lilburn was their home for several years till they moved to Decatur.
I’ve known the Byerses since Miles, my 12-year-old, and Dylan were toddlers. They met one summer day at Lilburn Park. Been buds ever since.
From what I’ve seen, the Byers clan is a family, their love just the same as yours or mine. Susan and Betsy are as “married’ as any heterosexual couple. But because they are a gay couple, they are denied the benefits and protection of marriage - things such as survivor benefits through Social Security and the right to make health care decisions for each other.
Last week, California became the second U.S. state, behind Massachusetts, to make marriage licenses available to same-sex couples. On May 15, the Supreme Court of California overturned the state’s ban on such marriages; the decision took effect June 16.
Unlike Massachusetts, California does not have a residency requirement for same-sex couples. Susan says hordes of female couples and male couples in Georgia (estimates put the number at about 25,000) will feel inspired to exchange vows on the West Coast.
“Absolutely,” she told me. “People are already talking about it.”
The Byerses have already tied the knot once, back in 2004 during a trip to California, Betsy’s home state. At the time, Gavin Newsom, the mayor of San Francisco, had ordered city clerks to perform same-sex marriages. His decision to ignore state regulations that defined marriage as a union between a man and a woman is what, ultimately, led to the recent state court ruling that legalized same-sex unions.
Susan and Betsy have no plans to join the estimated 68,000 out-of-state couples from across the country who are expected to say “I do” in California. For one thing, it’s cost prohibitive. Secondly, while gay nuptials may be emotionally symbolic and bring newlywed bliss, a California marriage license won’t mean diddly in Georgia.
“We would have no legal recognition here ‘cause there is a constitutional amendment against [gay marriage],” said Susan, a vocational rehabilitation counselor for the state Department of Labor. “It doesn’t bring us legal rights here; the only reason we [got married] in ‘04 was because we were there.”
The Byerses, like gay couples nationwide, have learned to dot their i’s and cross their t’s. When the couple travels out of the state or country, they pack legal papers, such as medical power of attorney documents. If something were to happen to one spouse, the other would have no legal rights without them.
“You have to take all these extra steps in order to protect your family,” Susan said. “There are [thousands] of federally recognized rights that heterosexual couples have that we don’t. You have to be prepared for battles.”
I’ve yet to figure out the harm same-sex marriages supposedly do to the institution of traditional marriage. Heterosexuals are already doing a fine job of cracking its foundation, given the country’s high divorce rate.
Here’s a way to preserve the sacred union between a man and a woman: Make it illegal to get a divorce.
So much for sanctity.
And so much for equal rights for all.
Rick Badie’s column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Contact him at 770-263-387
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