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Tuesday, November 13, 2007
“Parents find comfort helping others”
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
He’d just landed a big contract for his employer.
Hours before, he and his mother had a great chat on the phone. It was the last time they spoke.
“That conversation has been a comfort to me through the years,” said Janice Pattillo, recalling the exchange that took place that March day in 1998.
That same day, Michael Pattillo’s vehicle was T-boned by a large truck in Forsyth County. Pattillo, 24, a salesman for a hardware supply company, had to be extracted by the Jaws of Life.
Parents aren’t supposed to bury their kids.
Yet that’s where Janice and Wayne Pattillo found themselves, saying goodbye to their oldest son, the one who loved sports, his grandparents and friends.
After Michael’s death, the Lawrenceville couple became activists. The female driver of the truck that hit Michael’s vehicle suffered from epilepsy. It’s possible she had suffered a seizure when the accident took place, and she may not have been on her meds.
Because of that, the Pattillos lobbied for a law to charge people who have such medical conditions with first-degree vehicular homicide, if it could be proven that they had not taken their medicine. The proposal didn’t get passed, though.
One success story has been the establishment of a scholarship at Gwinnett Technical College, where Michael earned an associate’s degree. Every May, a $500 scholarship is awarded to the student who attended school and worked full time, yet still earned good grades. It’s what Michael did.
The Pattillos also have joined hands with The Compassionate Friends (TCF), a national bereavement support group for families based in Oak Park, Ill. They learned about TCF shortly after their son’s death. At the time, though, they were too deep in grief to grasp the importance of the organization.
In May 1998, the Pattillos attended their first TCF chapter meeting at the First Baptist Church of Lawrenceville. Pattillo was supposed to speak. She couldn’t. She just sobbed. She also connected with people who know what it’s like to lose a son or daughter. Who truly know.
Others may try to relate, but how can they?
Pattillo said that family and friends often are unsure of what to say, so they say much of nothing. Or, they think it would prove too painful for the bereaved parents to mention the deceased child.
“This is very hurtful,” she said.
TCF chapters keep the memory of the deceased child alive and aid the healing. The child’s birthday and death anniversary are observed at monthly meetings. Picnics are held in the fall.
For the past 10 years, TCF chapters nationwide have taken part in a candle-lighting ceremony to remember and pay tribute to lost love ones. The local chapter plans to hold its event at 7 p.m. Dec. 9 at Rhodes Jordan Park in Lawrenceville.
“This is our gift to the bereavement community,” Pattillo said.
The Gwinnett chapter of The Compassionate Friends meets at 7:30 p.m. on the third Thursday of every month at First Baptist Church of Lawrenceville. For more information, contact Janice Pattillo, co-leader of the local TCF chapter, at jspattillo1@aol.com.
Rick Badie’s column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Contact him at 770-263-3875 or rbadie@ajc.com.
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