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DEL.ICIO.USYou’re your kid’s parent, not a barkeep
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
In April, a high school senior died after boozing it up at an after-prom party.
Leland “Lee” Martin, 18, of Winder, suffocated because he, drunkenly, laid in a position that cut off his breath. “Positional asphyxia,” it’s called.
The April 28 party was held at the Auburn home of Barbara Ann Michael. She was out of town at the time, but authorities say she knew underage drinking would take place. Michael was charged with one count of party to a crime of furnishing alcohol to a minor, among other things.
Apparently, when it comes to kids and alcohol, hers is the face of a peculiar breed of adults. They supply the pad, maybe help teens secure the six-packs or whiskey for the hunch punch.
That, at least, is the impression 32,373 Gwinnett kids gave in a survey that asked about alcohol consumption.
The 2006 youth health survey, conducted by the nonprofit Gwinnett Coalition for Health and Human Services, contains startling data about the lives our kids lead.
The response to one question in particular, though, caused my brow to crease: More than 50 percent of high school students say they have used alcohol.
Guess where they get it? About a third say they get it from family members or some other adult.
And that’s a shame, especially where it concerns parents.
It’s a pitiful sight to observe a parent who’s more friend than teacher, nurturer or disciplinarian to their offspring. Their kids run the show.
Call me old-fashioned, country, out of touch, whatever, but children should have a healthy fear of their parents. I’m not talking about a fear fueled by abuse, but one based on mutual respect, and an understanding of roles and rules, right and wrong, what’s condoned and unacceptable.
That can’t happen when you replace the label of parent with one that spells “bud,” “pal,” “equal.” It’s a dangerous path to tread, especially when you throw in alcohol, the drug most abused by minors.
I’d imagine parents who provide alcohol to teens consider themselves well-meaning and practical, that they justify their actions by saying that kids are going to drink anyway. That’s so wrong.
Illegal, too.
Just ask Michael, the Auburn woman accused of allowing underage drinking in her home.
Ellen Gerstein, the coalition’s executive director, suggests parents go to the nonprofit’s Web site (www.gwinnettcoalition.org.) and download the survey. It includes tips for parents and resources.
“I talk to parents who say their kids don’t drink, but how do they know what kids are doing when they go to a friend’s house?” Gerstein said. “Parents are the first line of defense.”
Let me close with one other tell-tale stat from the survey: Most high school students don’t think adults would disapprove of their alcohol use.
Maybe that’s because so many parents give it to them.
• Rick Badie’s column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Contact him at 770-263-3875 or e-mail rbadie@ajc.com.
Permalink | Comments (12) | Post your comment | Categories: Rick Badie
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By Lori
July 2, 2007 7:35 AM | Link to this
Rick:
You are right on the money. It is amazing the lengths some parents will go to “avoid” being their kid’s guardian. Addressing this and other teenage drinking issues was a motivating factor behind a project of mine a few years ago. I wrote a book because of the huge number of kids that die each year on what has become one of the most dangerous nights of their lives… the Senior Prom.
My book shows parents and teachers how to plan, finance, promote and stage a FUN substance-free after prom party - teen-focused celebration. (http://www.after-prom.org/)= More about this at…
Thank you for such an insightful article… we need more of this.
Thanks,
Lori
By rosemary
July 2, 2007 8:14 AM | Link to this
When my kids were in high school i was amazed how many parents supported the use of alcohol and literally drank with their kids. Some parents actually smoked pot with their kids. Its amazing how scared some parents are of their kids. It was more important for the parents to be their kids pal than a parent. Its amazing how stupid some so called parents are.
By rosemary
July 2, 2007 8:16 AM | Link to this
When my kids were in high school i was amazed how many parents supported the use of alcohol and literally drank with their kids. Some parents actually smoked pot with their kids. Its amazing how scared some parents are of their kids. It was more important for the parents to be their kids pal than a parent. Its amazing how stupid some so called parents are.
By rosemary
July 2, 2007 8:16 AM | Link to this
When my kids were in high school i was amazed how many parents supported the use of alcohol and literally drank with their kids. Some parents actually smoked pot with their kids. Its amazing how scared some parents are of their kids. It was more important for the parents to be their kids pal than a parent. Its amazing how stupid some so called parents are.
By JJ
July 2, 2007 10:08 AM | Link to this
I will NEVER, EVER, EVER purchase alcohol for my kid or her friends under the age of 21. Nope, won’t do it.
I have several friends who purchase alcohol for their kids and their friends. Not just beer, but top shelf alcohol such as Grey Goose Vodka. A friend of mine purchased a huge bottle for her 19 year old, as we were on our way to the lake. I asked why, and she said, she won’t drink mine. I was appalled!!!!
I don’t understand why parents purchase alcohol for their underage kids. I do not wish to loose my house, and everything I have worked my butt off to get. My daughter knows she will not get alcohol from me.
I don’t know what people are thinking when it comes to kids and drinking.
By Ms. Writer
July 2, 2007 1:35 PM | Link to this
Something happened in the 70’s and the 80’s and parents started wanting to become their child’s “friend”. Everything from morals and education have been on a steady decline since. When parents start to parent and stop trying to befriend, then there can be a change in the attitudes of kids. I did not touch alcohol until I was 21 from the healthy fear that you speak of of my mom and dad.
By JJ
July 2, 2007 2:02 PM | Link to this
Back in the day, we could purchase beer and wine at the age of 18, but not hard liquor. I had a fake ID in high school that made me one year older than I really was. I was able to sneak into bars with the fake id.
However, my parents NEVER bought alcohol for me, until I turned 18. I was so excited they had purchased a 12 pack for me on my 18th birthday. That was the ONE and ONLY time they ever did that. They said if I wanted to drink I had to buy it myself.
By Stephen
July 2, 2007 2:14 PM | Link to this
I was in high school not long ago, and I would absolutley get sick at parents who allowed my friends to have drinking parties in their basement. The parent’s rationale was that they were going to be drinking anyway, so they might as well do it in the safety of the parent’s basment. Well, news for you: I didn’t drink. I didn’t because my parents taught me that until I was 21, alcohol should NEVER be a part of my life. They cared more about being responsible and teaching me lessons than being popular. I still don’t drink, and if I have a child, believe me that they will not be throwing keggers in my basement. To parents that don’t care, please wake up before another teenager dies.
By Ms. Jones
July 2, 2007 2:52 PM | Link to this
Before I had kids, I was one of those who had the rationale that “they are going to drink anyway….” and I thought ok, I’ll be one of those “cool” parents. When the kids want to have drinks, they can come over to my “cool” house, I’ll take all the car keys, and call all the other parents to let them know what was going on. Yea, right!!!
Fast forward 16 years, and here I am the mother of a high schooler. H3LL NO. What if something happened? What if one of the kids was killed on the way home? I would lose everything I have, not to mention the guilt I would have.
Ain’t no way, Ain’t no how I will EVER purchase alcohol for a minor, be it my kid or not.
That said, my daughter has absolutely no interest in alcohol, other than to open a bottle of wine for me at home, once in awhile. And yes I know this for a fact. We talk about it, and she has seen first hand what alcohol can do to a person, and how it can destroy lives.
Plus, I like having my own designated driver if the occasion ever presented itself.
By Elizabeth
July 2, 2007 4:09 PM | Link to this
Amen. Here’s the problem, though: Teens are still drinking and getting hurt or killed. Brookwood football player Daniel Peek died in May after drinking at a party and then driving his Jeep home.
In the case of Leland, the police charged everyone who was involved in his death. *In the case of Daniel Peek, the police have announced that they are not going to charge anyone with giving alcohol to minor Peek. WHY? * What is this teaching our children? It’s teaching them that if you live in the middle- high income area of Gwinnett county and you’re popular, the police won’t come after you for doing illegal things.
Wise up, Gwinnett cops. Charge someone for providing alcohol to Daniel Peek. Teach other people a lesson. Otherwise, this will just continue to happen again and again. How many more teens will be killed before adults learn not to give alcohol to minors?
By Jack
July 2, 2007 4:41 PM | Link to this
Mr. Bradie,
Good article. I am 37yrs old and when I went to high school in East Cobb, alot of parents would buy alcohol and have parties at their house. They would take the car keys to every teenager and would not give them back until the next day. As a parent now, I look back on those days and truly ask myself how could a parent be so negligent and display such poor judgement.
I can only hope and pray that as a father I raise my daughters to make wise decisions and refrain from stuff such as drinking alcohol, sex, drugs ect. Parents need to step up to the plate and become parents. A parents job is not to be best friends with their children. It is their job to love, nuture, be role models, examples, leaders and to raise their children to grow up being successful, respectful young men and women, who are taught to make wise decisions and learn from mistakes.
I truly think our world/society needs a strong revival. We need to bring religion back stronger than ever before. We need godly homes, where mom and dad teach, instruct and raise their family from biblicial views. A family that prays together, stays together. Every spiritual person, no matter what denomination you are sins and is not perfect, but biblical views seems to bring forth wise, prayed over decisions.
“Walk a little plainer daddy said a little boy so frail, for I am walking in your footsteps and dont want to fail, sometimes they are hard to see, sometimes they are plain, so walk a little plainer daddy for you are leading me”.
Parents you are the example, the way you lead, the things you allow your children to do, could decide their future and the type of adults they become.
By Jack
July 2, 2007 5:04 PM | Link to this
Mr. Bradie,
One more thing, when myself and all my friends graduated high school in 1987, all the “cool” parents that bought alcohol for us and had parties at their house and smoked pot with the kids were long forgotten and was just a memory the day after graduation.
To the so called “cool parents”, the kids dont remember you after they leave high school, matter of fact even in high school, the kids dont truly love or like you. Behind your backs we laughed and used you to our advantage, that you were a link to party time fun.
They only thing left behind after graduation or after the teeenage days is the example that you left for your own child or children. What values, morals, right and wrongs you taught them. A person can turn out to be a product of their environment or raising, so be careful on your own parenting decisions.