Rick Badie / My Opinion

By AD

April 25, 2006 08:08 AM | Link to this

Rick my man, as true as you are about this topic, it’s too late. It’s sad how we think and feel we have to buy our childrens love. Then we wonder why and how they can sell their souls when they become young adults. Keep doing your thang, and hopefully you’ll get 1 parent to take note

By Tommy Woodsmall

April 25, 2006 08:11 AM | Link to this

Rick, my 21 and 24 year sons will remind me of simular memories sometimes when we are talking. The memories are consistant with what you described, a Krystal hamburger and a construction site with machines working. They never talk about something I bought for them during their childhood.

One of my sons is getting married this June and the other is graduating college in May. It’s has been a long road filled with love, bumps, mistakes and many, many victories.

I know as a parent most of us try so hard to do the right thing and then we end up doing the wrong thing. (Such as buying something very expensive that a child really doesn’t need because we are trying to express love to that child).

Sometimes you don’t even realize when your sitting in your car, eating a hambuger, watching a bulldozer work with your child. That this was a moment that you should of been paying attention too …

Funny and sad the moments my children have reminded me of throughout their childhood that I just flat out missed …

By Eric

April 25, 2006 08:26 AM | Link to this

The stupidty of parents in this country has reached gargantuan levels… $3600 prom dressed, Hummers and BMWs in high school parking lots, breast enhancements for high school graduation presents, cruises to Aruba (and look how THAT turned out).

Why do kids want that stuff? They see shows on MTV where girls are having their sweet 16 parties with outlandish spreads, paid celebrity guests, hotel banquet halls and guest lists of people to impress, not friends (if any of these spoiled princesses HAVE real friends). Why do the parents pay for it? They are trying to buy the love and affection they don’t have the time (working too much) or ability to show.

No wonder our country is turning in to a crap hole.

WAKE UP PARENTS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TEACHING YOUR WORTHLESS, SPOILED CHILDREN!

By tela

April 25, 2006 08:27 AM | Link to this

My 11-year-old daughter loves watching MTV and the “spoiled brat” shows about birthday parties and such. I let her know flat out that I will never spend $4,000 on a birthday dress, prom dress etc. I do spend the money on great vacations because we both love the time we get to spend together. She still talks about how funny I walked after we went horseback riding on the beach in the Dominican Republic…or how much she laughed when I freaked out because the horse started going out into the ocean. We have the best vacations, not because we go to exotic locations, but because we make the best memories.

By deb

April 25, 2006 08:29 AM | Link to this

I understand about buying children things. My stepdaughter visits us every 2 weeks on the weekend. My husband thinks we have spend lots of money when she’s over. I told him she only wants to spend time. He says he is spending time but how many amusement parks, can you go to before you realize that the one on one time is what they crave.

By john

April 25, 2006 08:29 AM | Link to this

My date made her dress and it looked better than some of the store bought ones.

By singlemom

April 25, 2006 08:31 AM | Link to this

There is nothing in this world like living the simple life. I would NEVER, EVER spend that kind of money on a dress that will be worn one time. My entire wedding didn’t cost as much as that dress. My child has been taught to use her imagination as oppossed to vegging out in front of a play station, tv, computer, etc. In the summertime when tv is nothing by re-runs, I have cable disconnected and if we have the need to watch tv, we go hit Blockbuster and load up on movies. We go hiking, walking, etc and spend tons of time together. I will not use my hard earned money to purchase frivilous “mind numbing” toys for her. The time I spend with her is WAY more important than the latest must haves. Besides we are very close and I only have her for a few more years before she leaves to go to college. I want her to remember the times we have together, not the toys.

By Christine Davis

April 25, 2006 08:31 AM | Link to this

Who, in their right mind, would pay $3600 for a dress that will be worn once???

My mother made my senior prom dress… now THAT was a real labor of love.

By Kendall

April 25, 2006 08:38 AM | Link to this

What kind of precedence does this set? What does this instill in the mind of the young women as to future expectations of their wedding for instance? This is not good.

Let’s keep things in perspective. There are people in our own country who are without homes and meals. How many could be helped with $3000, still alowing $600 for a dress which would certainly buy something nicer than Dress Barn would have.

Where are the values that have in the past set America apart from wasteful ways. Please Forgive us God, for we know not what we are doing anymore.

By GFri

April 25, 2006 08:41 AM | Link to this

Rick…good morning, this is the first time I’ve read your column, so pardon me if I’m repeating something. I happen to stumble onto this show last evening “My Super Sweet 16” on MTV. Hold your thoughts about that $3600 dress, this show is ruining kids “rich kids”. One might say, “if they’re rich it really doesn’t matter”, character matters, and these kids are seriously flawed. On the show that I saw, the young lady got for her 16 B’day, a Diamond Studded - Rolex and a Convertible (Lexus…I think that’s the make).

You have to watch that show . .. LA Reid/Pebble’s Son was on the same show.

By lawrencevillemom

April 25, 2006 08:42 AM | Link to this

I couldn’t agree more…with kids at 8 years old getting cell phone, cars at 16 etc what do they have to look forward to when they get a job and work to earn something. I didn’t get my first car until after I was married and it was really exciting AND my parents didn’t pay for it. My 15 year old knows that she doesn’t even need to ask for a cell phone until she has her license and is able to drive by herself - then we will talk about it (maybe she will just take mine with her). You have to remember as you are raising your kids that it shouldn’t be about the $, you have to be teaching them responsibility, morals and values - that’s what will carry them through their adult life.

By singlemom

April 25, 2006 08:48 AM | Link to this

@lawrencevillemom - very well put. I agree, although my 15 year has a cell. We do not have a “land line” and each of us has a cell. I like it for piece of mind when she is at the mall, away from home, etc.

By me

April 25, 2006 08:50 AM | Link to this

If you love your children, hold them, listen to them, teach them, discipline them, teach them to be self sufficient and be there for them. This doesn’t cost anything and is the basis for building their lives.

By Rita

April 25, 2006 08:51 AM | Link to this

$3,600 for a prom dress? These girls and/or their mother need to learn to use a sewing machine. I can make that same dress for under $175.00. My daughters wedding dress look like it came from a high-end store and I spent about $200.00 for everything (dress, veil, flower girls basket and ringer bearer’s pillow) It is ashame that someone would even consider spending that kind of money for a “One time” dress.

By Rita

April 25, 2006 08:52 AM | Link to this

$3,600 for a prom dress? These girls and/or their mother need to learn to use a sewing machine. I can make that same dress for under $175.00. My daughters wedding dress look like it came from a high-end store and I spent about $200.00 for everything (dress, veil, flower girls basket and ringer bearer’s pillow) It is ashame that someone would even consider spending that kind of money for a “One time” dress.

By Rod

April 25, 2006 08:53 AM | Link to this

It’s sad, but I see more and more children that have been - as the old saying goes - “spoiled rotten.” I remember fondly the Bill Cosby episode when Theo wanted something and told his father “we’re rich,” to which Cosby replied “Your mother and I are rich, you are not.”

As a parent, you want to show your love and have your children enjoy things you couldn’t. However, by not pulling a limit on things, children become spoiled and think the world should just be handed to them. The television show “Sweet Sixteen” on MTV is a perfect example. They show millionaire families throwing lavish sweet sixteen parties for their daughters - these things would make small countries jealous. And when they interview the girl - and show her room and closet - you realize that these kids have no concept of reality (one girl had dozens of $400 handbags).

Buying all the lavish items - toys, clothes, etc - may seem like love now, but it’ll just lead to disappointments later in life when reality finally hits. There’s nothing that my child needs - my wife and I see to that - however, what he wants,…

By Greg

April 25, 2006 09:03 AM | Link to this

After eating out at a nice restaurant and seeing girls out for the prom with their dates dressed like..well.. Hookers or strippers, it truly amazes me that parents would let their little precious girls out looking like streetwalkers. Proms are events that will be forgotten soon after its over.

By shannon

April 25, 2006 09:05 AM | Link to this

$3,600!?!?!?! That’s more than my wedding dress cost. Heck, my wedding didn’t cost much more than that, and I had a nice wedding. I just don’t see the reason for this outrageousness!

By Michael Colford

April 25, 2006 09:05 AM | Link to this

I once had a college professor who said, “The more you know something, the less conscious you are of knowing it.” Your column provides a fitting narrative barometer of how the privilege of plenty, spawned in these United States has mutated into a culture of chronic need and entitlement. The age-old ideal of having more than your parents did, has been demolished, because now, in and endless stream of wants, one can never have enough. This mainstay culture of consumerism has all been deftly driven by well-oiled marketing machine that’s heated up over the years. The success of their prevelance in our culture is evident now their mantras are reflected back at us by each other — when we commonly accept walking billboards as high-fashion clothes that are rightfully expensive, you know they have us right where they want us.

Rick, the fact that above it all, your son holds on to that time you and he had lunch in the car shows how the real creases in our brain are formed, and where the real value in life’s moments are to be found. We can’t expect children to know those things and seek them, especially with so many shiny objects dangling around in front of them everywhere they look. But they do feel those emotions, and value those experiences when they are exposed to them. So as you so rightly have suggested here, don’t use your resources to farm out the responsibilities of turning your child into the person they should be by keeping them consistently “entertained.”

It’s a parent’s challenge to show their children where the value of life’s moments truly lie.

By Theeny

April 25, 2006 09:06 AM | Link to this

If you are a celebrity or a celebrity’s daughter, then a $3600 dress might not be a big deal. Or if you parents are at the helm of a Fortune 500 company, this might be your “normal.” But for parents putting a $3600 on the credit card and then struggling to pay it off, then this is ridiculous. If a $3600 prom dress is living within your means, then knock yourself out.

By daffy

April 25, 2006 09:07 AM | Link to this

My parents are a blue collar factory maintenance worker and a bank head teller. Needless to say, my brother and I didn’t wear some of the designer clothes our friends did, which caused the occassional problem where my brother was concerned.

Meanwhile, my wife’s parents were accountants, meaning they made sure she knew the value of a dime, even though they could have given her what ever she wanted.

We have already decided when we have kids, they are not going to get $200 purses and such that we know some acquaintances give their children, just because we might be able to afford them. They too will know the value of doing with and without.

Kudos to you parents who have decided that whether you take your children on an extremely nice vacation or buy the $150 prom dress that they find the experience memorable, because in the end that is what they will remember most, not the money spent.

By Rod

April 25, 2006 09:09 AM | Link to this

Even if the $3,600 is “within your means,” people should take some responsibility for not just throwing money at their children in an attempt to substitute love.

As a previous poster said, that parent would be better off buying a $600 dress and donating $3,000 to charity - think how many meals or clothing items that could buy. People want to waste money just because they can, instead of helping others. We have become a very selfish, me-first society.

By Angie

April 25, 2006 09:10 AM | Link to this

I think that everyone is slamming parents that feel that they are just making their children happy. I grew up in a home and we didn’t have a lot of money and you know what I remember, not having what the other kids had and always wishing that I could have some of the “nice” things. I don’t think that anyone should have to apologize for doing what they want with the money that they earn. $3600 is relative to the amount of money you have (earn). To some folks $500 is a lot and they might think that price is ridiculous. I would give my daughter the world if I could, she desires it. I think that other people are too concerned and sometimes jealous of other people that they start to judge them. I feel that if it is your money, you can do what ever you want to do with you, you know why, you went out and earned it. If you want to buy your kids whatever they want, it is up to you. Teaching kids to have good judgement and the value of money does not come by saying no all the time. Some people used to have a problem with kids having cell phone until the shootings at Columbine after that everyone went out and purchased their kids cell phones. It is amazing how the story changes when you are given a different set of circumstances. My best friends parents had a lot of money and when she was 16 years old her Dad bought her a convertible BMW. You know what she is one of the most financially responsible friends that I have. She is that way, because her parents spent time teaching her the value of money and how to save and invest. So I say to everyone, just mind your own money business and leave everyone elses pockets alone.

By CL

April 25, 2006 09:12 AM | Link to this

GFri - you hit it right on the nose. I also saw the MTV show “Sweet 16”. First i was appaled at the fact that they had to censor almost every other word this soon-to-be-16-year-old had to say, but when she began screaming at her mother about changing the centerpieces for the party tables with out asking her, I was shocked. She immediately called her father on her cell phone and began bawling to daddy. When the mother said that changing the centerpieces would save them over $3000 (YES THREE THOUSAND)in party costs the girl screamed over the phone that her mother would owe her the $3000 saved. Wow! But kids are not all like that. Last year my son wanted the latest Star Wars light saber. When I told him no, we didn’t have the $45 to blow on a toy that day, he went home pulled out his paints and made his own light saber from a mop handle. It made me sad and proud at the same time. A few months later when money wasn’t as tight I offered to buy him the Light Saber he had been looking at and he said, “no thanks, I already got one” Kids, go figure.

By Janet

April 25, 2006 09:12 AM | Link to this

Most of these bloggers seem to have the right idea, so there is hope…I am probably one of the few who can say, I did not purchase any TV games for my girls. They had dolls, bikes, roller blades and tennis racquets and while roller blades might have been a fad at the time at least they got them outside in the fresh air and exercising…My one daughter did not go to senior prom, she did not want to… my younger daughter did, her dress was a little over $200 which I thought was a lot of money for a one time wear…. She wanted a dress that cost $600, and I said no way, she does not love me any less for saying no, and quite frankly the $200 dress was much nicer anyway, she even agreed. Looking at the pictures a year later she now says I like to shop with you mom as you always seem to find great deals…Money does not buy you taste, or sense! It will buy you a spoiled child with an attitude and no appreciation for a hard earned dollar! My thought is let them earn the money for a few months doing a chore they don’t particularly like and see how quickly they throw it all away on one dress! My bet is they won’t!! But when it is handed to them on a silver platter, over and over again they would be stupid not to take it!! So yes it really is the parents that teach children how to be wasteful and self indulgent! And remeber, you reap what you sew, so in 10 or 15 years time you will probably still be bailing them out of financial disasters as they will still have the mentality that they can have anything they want even if they actually do not have the means to pay for it! You often hear about 20 year olds deep in debt with credit cards owing $20 or $30 thousand dollars and not knowing how they will pay it off, and I am sure if you look further you will see an indulgent parent in the background who never said no while they were raising the child.

By MissQC

April 25, 2006 09:20 AM | Link to this

$3,600.00 is too much for a prom dress

By the time my sister graduated from high school in 2004 she had 6 gowns in which her prom dress was a little over $300.00 so now i have all of her dresses and reminding my co-workers when their daughters have an upcoming prom do not go out and buy a dress, just come see me and let her daughter pick out a dress she wants to wear.

By Tracy

April 25, 2006 09:21 AM | Link to this

Several years ago (2003) I balked at spending about $1000 total for my two oldest kids to attend the prom. This year my 11th grade twins opted out. My son had been working to save for a pair of shoes he wanted, decided that he would fork out the money for a season pass to Six Flags to join his girlfriend after the prom. His girlfirend attended prom with her brother. My daughter invited friends over for an un-prom party. The took it back to just a good ol’ fun get together.

For next year we have agreed to start shopping the sales for prom attire. The challenge is to spend $500 or less. My oldest daughter, now in college, did just that for a formal function she and her housemates attended. They challenged each other to see who could spend the least amount for the entire outfit. She did not win, but for dress and shoes she spent $100. Now that’s what I think is a valuable lesson in fiscal responsibility.

By Renee

April 25, 2006 09:21 AM | Link to this

Angie, you’re exactly the type of person that should read more closely this column and take the advice. You advocate spending anything on your kids and it’s nobody else’s damn business. No where in your comments did you mention spending time with your daughter or experiencing things - just spending money on her.

Spend time with her now - and stop just throwing money at her - or you’ll regret it for the next 30 years when you see how self-absorbed she is and has no fond memories of spending time with you.

It is our business - when you release that self-absorbed spoiled brat out into the world.

By Tracy

April 25, 2006 09:21 AM | Link to this

Several years ago (2003) I balked at spending about $1000 total for my two oldest kids to attend the prom. This year my 11th grade twins opted out. My son had been working to save for a pair of shoes he wanted, decided that he would fork out the money for a season pass to Six Flags to join his girlfriend after the prom. His girlfirend attended prom with her brother. My daughter invited friends over for an un-prom party. The took it back to just a good ol’ fun get together.

For next year we have agreed to start shopping the sales for prom attire. The challenge is to spend $500 or less. My oldest daughter, now in college, did just that for a formal function she and her housemates attended. They challenged each other to see who could spend the least amount for the entire outfit. She did not win, but for dress and shoes she spent $100. Now that’s what I think is a valuable lesson in fiscal responsibility.

By RWH

April 25, 2006 09:23 AM | Link to this

There are a great many opinions…concerning the purchas of a 3K Prom-Garment. To many of us; its like a once-in-a-lifetime occasion for our daughters and we also want our Sons to look just as gentlemenly as he can. I am deeply impressed at how we as parents look into this direction to show love with materialist items. An occasion prom-atire would be just as great. No one person will win the best dress contest for one evening..and never wear that attire again! Accustom to purchasing 3-4K items, great! Can’t afford a 3-4K items still great! Looks…the word that has many in an uproar of buying high-class items, along with the 3K prom dress comes the shoes and other accessories. Affordable to some, while a great many can’t! What do we do. Make the best of the evening and appreciate what ourparents purchase for us to wear and remember our prom-night with our friends and those we shared the last three years with! Use the 3K for College or help toward going to college….you can’t lose this way!

By Frustrated mom

April 25, 2006 09:27 AM | Link to this

Although I agree that we can’t buy our chilgren’s love, a $3600 prom dress is not about love. It’s about keeping up with or showing up “the Joneses.” “Katie’s” mom buys her daughter this dress so she can tell “Jessica’s” mom how much she spent on her daughter’s dress. Katie wants this dress so she tell Jessica about how much her dress cost. I recently moved back to the Atlanta area after having been away for 20 years. I am constantly overwhelmed by how much money there is in this town and what it is being spent on. My 10 year-old just yesterday went into hysterics because I told her she could not buy an IPOD nanno. The reason she wants one is “all her classmates have IPOD’s and cell phones” and she feels like a “flunkie” because she doesn’t. It is difficult to teach your children to “store up their treasures in Heaven” when “having stuff” is so highly valued. I love this town but I wish everyone here could move to a blue-color working town for 3 years so they could get a glimpse of real people and real life on a daily basis.

By Kristin

April 25, 2006 09:33 AM | Link to this

I just hope the parents who feel justified in spending $3500 for a prom dress at least have tuition set aside for college.

By CDJackson

April 25, 2006 09:34 AM | Link to this

A $3,600 dress is NOT appropriate for a prom. People spend that amount of money on an extravagant WEDDING dress, which is more meaningful and understandable for an event such as that. My daughter can rest assure that if we spend $3,600 it would be for tuition, books, room & board, etc.

By Eric

April 25, 2006 09:37 AM | Link to this

Most of those yound women (it is a joke to even call them that) needed to be put over Mommy or Daddy’s knee LONG ago… and had the ‘spoiled’ spanked out of them.

By CW

April 25, 2006 09:37 AM | Link to this

Good article Rick! The greatest memories I have are my dad and I just playing baseball and golf in the backyard, and just playing a simple game of HORSE. I also fondly recall a day he and went and parked next to a little airport called McCollum in Kennesaw and watching the small planes take off and land. I smile every time I pass by the airport to this day!

I will not lie, I was somewhat spoiled as the youngest of three kids, “The Baby”, yet when I think back to my childhood, it is the simple things that stick out in my mind!

These are lessons that I will remember as I grow as a parent. It is the little things that show your love for your kids! Spend time with them now, as they will be grown before you know!

By kim

April 25, 2006 09:38 AM | Link to this

OK, I’m a working Mom and didn’t have time to sew a dress. However, my daughter and her friend went to Value City on Cobb Parkway and each spent $39.00 for a dress. They looked like a million bucks! Next spring I will take these dresses to a consignment store and get about $25.00 back. I think that $14.00 for something that you wear once or twice is about right.

By K. Watkins

April 25, 2006 09:40 AM | Link to this

My father fussed back in 1986 when he paid $190 for the dress I wore to two proms, neither my own. Since it was white, he told me, “I was going to get married in that dress”. He has since passed on, I’m single, the same size, and I’ve still got that dress. I’m gonna make good on that order!

By MOT

April 25, 2006 09:43 AM | Link to this

Angie makes many good points. IF you can afford it financially and every other way, like her friend who got the BMW, but was very financially responsible, those parents could afford it because they had the money and because they had taught their daughter well. We shouldn’t judge others if they can do that.

However, those parents who give with out the time investment and lessons and teaching of character, truly do handicap and cripple their children. It is sad to see adults who can’t function in life because they were given just about everything in the world, but what they really needed. Parents if you want to see how you are affecting your children by spending and giving them all without taking time to teach accompanying principles and habits that will help them succeed in life on all fronts, just look at those adult “children” on the Dr. Phil shows, the 30, 40 year old free-loaders who live with their parents because they won’t/can’t keep a job and support themselves. Sure it is fun, and fills a parent full of pride and makes them feel like they are giving love and receiving love at the moment something is given, but buddy, look beyond the sweet years of being 8, 13, 16, 20. It ain’t so fun when the 40 year old sleeps all day eats all your food, leaves laundry and other little chores all over for you to tend to (because you love them right? and will do ANYTHING for them?). Like I said it totally creates handicapped, crippled adults. And just how loving is that?????

Of course all of us here are probably preaching to the choir. Those with the problem and propensity to spoil good children are off at the Malls, or too busy on the shopping websites, or ordering off of the shopping channels finding the latest, best outfit, toy, car, etc. for Jr.

By Jennifer

April 25, 2006 09:43 AM | Link to this

How things have changed. My prom was in 1990 and I bought a dress for $125 and that was expensive for me.

I’m wondering what the parents who are spending $3500 are saying to their kids? What message does it send? Just how appreciative are the kids (really) who get stuff like this without working for it? I might not be so harsh if the kids were actually helping pay for it by working a job. Parents hand things over to kids way too easily and that’s part of the reason why the kids who are graduating college can’t grasp the realities of the world- because they have helicopter parents who are waiting with a safety net.

The sad thing is these kids get out into the work force and can’t hold their own in an office setting because they don’t know how.

Let me assure you that I will not be spending this much on my own kid’s prom clothes. 1) I don’t have that kind of money 2) Even if I did it would be a hearty, “Hell no! That’s stupid!”

By me

April 25, 2006 09:44 AM | Link to this

Growing up my parents didn’t have money for a lot of things. But we went on lots of picnics, to the lake, visiting, and playing. I think I have a lot better imagination because I wasn’t showered with toys and materials things. I have a lot of fond memories of my youth.

I never put pressure on my parents. I never even asked for a school year book. Don’t miss them.

By Sassy

April 25, 2006 09:46 AM | Link to this

I agree that we as parents tend to give our children all the things they ask for and say it’s because we love them BUT as a parent, our financial jobs really do not include $3600 prom gowns or Playstations. Our job obviously is to provide the basic necessities. Although I buy a lot for my children, I tell them that everything over and above the basics of housing, clothing,shoes and food are extras and I am not required as a parent to purchase these things. In fact, my oldest daughter will be wearing the gown she wore in my sister’s wedding this summer to prom so for once, someone has gotten to wear a bridemaid’s gown more than once LOL. As for the Playstation 2, my childen keep asking but they do not receive.

By Natasha

April 25, 2006 09:46 AM | Link to this

I can not believe that someone would spend that much on a prom dress. That is ridiculous. I don’t think that it shows love, it stupidity.

By Natasha

April 25, 2006 09:47 AM | Link to this

I don’t think that it shows love, it shows stupidity.

By Steve

April 25, 2006 09:47 AM | Link to this

Rick:

Amen, amen and AMEN!!

Preach on, Brother!!

The misplaced priorities carried by some people just makes me want to move into a cave and wait for the Apocalypse. No way in hell would I spend the kind of money that vicaeious mothers and terminally-vain daughters gleefully plop down on prom gowns and accessories.

I’ve seen friemds of mine lose their sanity completely and pay enormous sums for limos, hotel rooms, jewelry, you name it, for their kid’s prom night.

And Angie, I’m not “jealous” of some parent blowing wads of cash on their kids. I simply recognoze materialistic orgies for what they are.

Back in my childhood, the Beatles sang “Can’t Buy Me Love”. Play that song again, Angie. This time, listen to the words.

By TAP

April 25, 2006 09:48 AM | Link to this

The lady who volunteered to spend $3500 on a prom dress certainly loves her daughter because she taught her values- the daughter ended up with a “just as good” $300 dress. The mom was just overcome by the fact that her daughter was leaving home soon and wanted to do SOMETHING to let her know that she was loved strongly. If they had the money, why not? When the girl is alone at college and is making decisions, maybe she’ll remember the offer and factor her mother’s love into her decisions. If $3500 is a major burden for the family this would have been too much, but I assume it wasn’t.

By Teacher

April 25, 2006 09:51 AM | Link to this

Singlemom, thats the other problem with kids today. I go to the mall with friends or on a date and I see 11, 12, 13 even 15 year old kids “hanging out” at the mall by themselves. My parents would have laughed in my face if I would have asked to go “hang out” at the mall by myself. I’ve been in education for 6 years now… mom and dads, its time to wake up and smell the coffee. Stop letting your kids run the house. Step up and be the parents, not there friends!!!!

By Dave

April 25, 2006 09:54 AM | Link to this

The answer is definitly no. We already have way too many children whose parents over indulge them. The parents try to buy their love with materialism. But they are raising self absorbed childred who want everything.

By Swangirl

April 25, 2006 09:57 AM | Link to this

Rick, that story about taking your son to the construction sites is priceless. My brother-in-law took my nieces out to the airport when they were little to watch the planes land and take off. They loved it.

My parents did not make a lot of money. But they did manage to provide some wonderful times at the beach when I was a chld. We usually stayed at an inexpensive hotel.

My father died in 2003. But I can still remember going to the beach when I was 10 and spending the entire day out in the water with Dad. I held onto his shoulders as we jumped the waves together, time after time.

I’ll take those memories over a $3,600 prom dress any day.

By jnc from indy

April 25, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this

It actually shows how stupid, idiotic and ignorant both parent and kid really are. Whether you have the means to spend that type of money or not, save for a college fund please!

By Dee

April 25, 2006 10:06 AM | Link to this

Angie, you are right! So are SOME of the other parents. Teach your children balance. I personally would not have spent that much on a Prom dress, but this is a different time. Children should know their budget prior to going prom shopping. They should also start early with buying and if they are old enough they should earn money towards it. My sister and I are 17 years apart. When I went to senior prom my dress cost $25. At the time there were 3 other children at home. This year my sister’s senior prom dress cost right at $500. Only child left in the house. Their means was able to stretch a little further this time. It does not matter how much is given to a child, it matters that the parent does not place an emphasis on things. If the child is taught to appreciate, then they will.

When I was pregnant with my oldest child 11 years ago, I witnessed the greastest lesson that I ever could on the verge of becoming a new mother. I saw a little girl that wanted candy in Wal-Mart and her father said No. She asked and asked and again he kept saying No. She fell out in the floor and kicked and screamed and he bought that candy to keep from being embarassed. Moral, I learned that I will never be forced by a child to do something that I said no about in the first place. I also learned that if my child threw a tantrum the first time and I didn’t give in then she would know that acting out would never work. Good luck parent’s there’s no handbook on what to do. Hard work makes one appreciate things more.

By L2theP

April 25, 2006 10:07 AM | Link to this

And we wonder why there is homelessness in America! Priorities are all screwed up!!! They will ultimately pay an even higher price than that…It’s a shame!

By RSC

April 25, 2006 10:11 AM | Link to this

From the time my daughter was in 8th grade, her friend’s parents were spending $200 and up for homecoming dresses and renting limos …. for 8th graders!! I tried getting some parents to band together and stop the madness, but alas, I was left to stand firm alone and on my own.

This year, my daughter wore a borrowed dress to homecoming and we bought her prom dress at a local thrift shop for $18 (that someone had probably paid $500-600 for last year). We did her hair and nails at home. We spent less than $50 and she looked like a million bucks!! While taking pre-prom pictures, parents raved about how beautiful my daughter looked, all the while lamenting (read bragging) about spending $500 for dresses and $100 for shoes. I just smiled and said “They are worth it.”

Now, with the money that I did not spend on homecoming and prom, I’m taking my daughter to NYC to see a Broadway show when school is out. Hopefully, that memory will be better than any $500 dress would have been.

By Richard

April 25, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this

Even if you have money coming out your butt - don’t just throw it away by overspending on trivial items - if it’s really burning a hole in your pocket, help out a charity and help underprivledged people.

Statistically speaking, most people who blow money like that give very little to help others.

By MB

April 25, 2006 10:16 AM | Link to this

Unlike many of the people who commented on this artical I don’t have children. I was raised by a single parent and I am an only child. Most of the time when I tell people I am an only child they automatically say I must be spoiled. My reply to that statement is, “My mom didn’t play that game.” Virtually everything I ever got, I worked for when it came to gifts from my mom. Of course there were times when she gave me things “just because” but I knew the value of a dollar and I understood the importance of working for the things that you want. My mom was outstanding in every way and because of the lessons she taught me to this day I am a great bargain shopper. I feel its ok to have brand name clothes, shoes and toys etc. However I dont feel its necessary to pay an arm and a leg for the things you desire. My personal motto when shopping is, “Get a lot for as little money as possible (lol).” Through watching my mom when I was little I learned to only shop on holidays because everything is on sale and to always have a budget. If you think about it there is practically a holiday every month so its not like you have to wait a long time to buy something. As I became older and with the help of the internet I have learned to clip coupons and use the net to find out about additional savings and specials. As an adult my mom and I still shop together and we are both always so elated when we find good deals. Its fun, we spend time together and we are not breaking our budgets. I am thankful for this lesson and many others that my mom has taught me. Spending big is not nearly as great as saving big.

By scribe

April 25, 2006 10:17 AM | Link to this

PARENTS WHO SPEND THAT MUCH MONEY ON A DRESS ARE REALLY, REALLY STUPID. BUT AS THE SAYING GOES, YOU CAN’T LEGISLATE AGAINST STUPIDITY….

By angie

April 25, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this

Renee: I didn’t have time to share in the details of my time with my daughter in this column. But since you have judged me wrongly I will let you know that my daughter gets all the love and attention that she could ever dream of. We go to the park and playground. She participates in extracurricular activities. We go outside and blow bubbles and guess what we spend time painting and coloring. We talk walks in the neighborhood and she rides her tricyle. I read to my daughter and we spend time playing in her playroom with all of the toys. We do a lot of other things that I don’t have time filling you in on the other details since you seem to know how I treat my daughter. I do spend time with my daughter and I don’t throw money at her. You are just the person that my first comment was directed towards a person that needs to mind their own business and stop judging other people.

I don’t need to read between the lines of what is written her. I have a well rounded child and that is all that matters. And guess what I can and will continue to do whatever I want with my money.

By Jesse's Girl

April 25, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

I think Whitney Houston said it best……and quite frequently I find myself paying homage to her appropriate quip. “HE11 TO THE NO”!!!!!

By Anne

April 25, 2006 10:25 AM | Link to this

Last year my daughter found a dress at Hot Topic. It was plastic with red trim. It had been marked down for $15. She wanted it to wear to Prom to show off her own style. She wore and just love it becuase of its funky nature and got lots of compliments including the title “Unique Dress”. The year before I bought a dress for $225, it took searching throught 9 department stores, four malls, the end result was she hated it becuase it “just wasn’t her.” Parents, listen to the kids. Spending money on them to show how much you love them is one thing, let them be themselves and loving them is another.

By gene

April 25, 2006 10:28 AM | Link to this

it is all in the values you teach the children. my daughter ,at 21, won a preliminary to compete in the 2000 miss georgia pageant. it was the second pageant she had ever cpmpeted in, the first was when she was four. she had bought her dress for the preliminary for 125.00. i told her since this was a once in a lifetime opportunity i would get her the dress of her dreams. she said no, just to compete was a surprise, so she competed with the 125.00 dollar dress, and 45 dollar swimsuit at the miss georgia pageant. she also did as her talent , drawing. something completely different , and quite possibly the only contestant to ever do that. when i saw her on stage that night, i was so incredibly proud. i knew then she would always have her priorties straight in life.

By singlemom

April 25, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this

Oh @MB I love your comments. I am a single parent too, raising a daughter. I do not get one single dime from her father, never have. I am glad to read your post, as I was going to post something very similar. My daughter knows the value of money, after seeing me struggle for years. I would be very comfortable with her going to the grocery store and purchasing our groceries for the week. We plan our weekly menus and shop with a list. She studies price tags, and sees which is the best buy/better value. My own mother was so impressed with her after a recent trip to the mall. When we go clothes shopping, she shops the sale and clearance racks. She will be getting her first job this summer, and knows that 1/2 of her paycheck will go into her savings account. That is more important to her than a $3600 prom dress. As a matter of fact, a couple of years ago, we were getting ready to go on a fairly expensive summer trip, and she had the chance to go to the 8th grade formal dance. She chose not to go to the dance, not to spend a bunch of money for one night, so we could use the money for our vacation, which she said she would remember more than the dance. PRICELESS.

By kids4

April 25, 2006 10:30 AM | Link to this

I don’t think that it’s the amount that’s the problem here. Although it is an extreme amount, my philosophy is to try to teach the value of it. If you would like your child to afford nice things when they grow up, teach them how to earn it; through hard work, education, whatever it takes. I’ve seen too many kids that skip out on the hardwork and wind up depressed because they can’t afford things their friends have. Adults do this too. Why do you think there’s so much credit debt? Affording nice things is success, raising children who can’t provide for themselves is failure.

By Rachel

April 25, 2006 10:41 AM | Link to this

Well, Angie, you sound like a very self-absorbed “to hell with the world” kind of person. I know you’ll be happy when your daughter grows up just like you.

By Mel S.

April 25, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

When it came to my Senior Prom, I was working at the time part time in a Pharmacy. I worked long weekends in order to pay for my own dress and I even rented the tux, bought the tickets, drove, paid for dinner and the after party, just so that I knew I would have a good time. My date stood me up anyway, and my best friend went with me and we had more fun than anything. My car, wasnt handed to me. Although my dads old company car, I still had to pay for the insurance. My parents never handed us anything growing up because they didnt have the means to for one, and they were raised by the old “Spare the rod” philosophy. I look back at it now and really appreciate everything they made us work for. Now that I am going to be a mom, I only hope my child will understand that they dont have to have all of the luxeries in life. How many times do we buy our kids a toy, only to see they have more fun with the box??

While Prom is a special day in a kids life, its not as big as your wedding day, or the day you give birth to your first child. My whole wedding didnt even cost $3000 and it was very special. A dress, you wear once. To spend a lot of money on a dress you will either re-sell or hang in your closet forever is stupid. But, its unfortunate parents will go that far. It goes along with yesterdays conversation of raising the driving age. If parents lead by example, that is what makes the difference. I can understand $3500 for a Wedding dress more than I could a Prom dress.

By me

April 25, 2006 10:45 AM | Link to this

Single mom, I think you have the perfect child. Sounds like she is grounded in love.

By time for the truth

April 25, 2006 10:51 AM | Link to this

The moronic indulging of bratty thankless kids by (mostly) middle class parents is a curse on society. These brats have little or no concept of what something actually costs. They then demand/expect something equal or better each time they hold their expectant snouts over the family trough.

But worst of all is the truly spoiled, self absorbed attitude that such brainless parental indulgence inevitably engenders. I’ve lost count of the snotty, know it all ignorant college age kids I’ve encountered out there. Seemingly this is a fundamental life pattern that is invariably passed down the “genetic tree”.

The true morons who wilfully buy their wittle (sic)immature kiddies shiny new powerful cars at age sixteen are inflicting their laziness and self indulgence on the rest of us. The chilling stats about these spoiled brats who die and sadly often kill other kids and other road users in stupid car accidents dont lie. But the selfish/lazy/uninvolved parents who wont drive their kids anywhere or those who give in to petulant sullen emotional blackmail or whatever as their precious little prince/princess demands a car simply to be cool, be popular, get off the school bus etc may deeply regret their shortsighted decision.

Do these affluent ‘deadbeat’ parents really know where their upwardly mobile kids are every time they leave the house - and exactly what they are doing? No drugs, no alcohol, no sex, no anti-social behaviour, no ‘unapproved’ partying etc.

Kids who are brought up understanding the value of things, and are not spoiled rotten invariably make much better balanced, pleasant adults.

Money spent doesn’t EVER equate to how much you love your kids. Your time and your meaningful involvement with them is infinitely more precious, as several posters have astutely observed.

At least the rest of us are able to have some fun handing back the snottiness meted out by the little college age princes and princesses. And in my experience its usually the princesses who are far worse.

By Miles W. Rich

April 25, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this

This type of excessive spending is outrageous, but doesn’t surprise me. It is like buying a teenager a new expensive car to drive, or for that matter a new car, period. I live in a gated community where parents lavish their children with these type of gifts, and then wonder why “when things go wrong,” i.e. like the boy who was killed in a car accident in front of the church at Old Alabama and Old Alabama Connector a few years ago, and where there was a home made memorial for some time in this child’s memory. Too much, too soon. While the boy’s death was tragic, the parents should only blame themselves. And rather than weep over their son’s death, they should thank God or their lucky stars or just fate that the other three children in the vehicle were not seriously hurt, because if those children had been killed, the parents could have said “bye bye” to their lavish way of life. That is of course unless “tort reform” had limited the real victims right to sue. All of this is really outrageous, and of course, most of all of these people engaging in all this conspicuous consumption are nouveau riche Republicans who think of themselves as our spokesperson for family values; however they do not realize that greed, and avarice are still sins. They never think of that Commandment about not coveting they neighbor’s wife, or they neighbor’s wealth. Common sense has gone out the window. I am sure that a decent prom dress probably costs $300.00 or so now based on the high price of specialty clothing, (or do they make these items with child labor in Bangledesh, or the American Trust Territories of Ponape and Truk, too?) It’s all the same thing. Today, Linda Schrenko, a Republican icon of just a few years ago, goes on trial for using school funds to pay for her facelift, and other assorted fraudulant transactions. Where is Sonny Perdue speaking out against her? This is George Bush’s 21st Century. Isn’t it just great?

By Lori

April 25, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this

Rick, you are absolutely right but I don’t know if your column will do much good. Parents these days use their kids as trophies to brag about how successful they are. “If you want to know how much money I have, just look at my kid’s clothes, car, etc…” It’s a real shame because these parents have no idea the horrible lessons they are teaching their children— to value materialism and labels and to look down on others who don’t have such finery. My oldest child is in first grade and one of her friends in her class has an ipod, a cellphone, a big screen tv, a gameboy and a king sized bed in her room. I am loathe to let my child go over to her house and play because my child then feels like a pauper when she comes home. But I try to teach her that she is too little for those things and that she will never have a tv in her room as long as she lives under my roof. I discuss these things with her, but I tell you, I never thought I would have to have this talk with a child so very young.

By youthworker

April 25, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this

I’ve read several comments about ‘spend a smaller amount, donate the rest to charity…That’s a great idea, but how about something fun, for your girls, and for charity too…Why not let your teenage daughter host a fashion show sleepover for her favorite charity! You could have her and her friends collect used prom dresses, charge something like $25 per girl, and they work together in teams to dress a contestant! They all have fun being girls, you reuse prom dresses, and all the money (plus any salvagable dresses) can be donated to her favorite charity. You could even invite the mothers too—let them dress up!! Bond with your girls!!
Plus you’re teaching your children that they can have fun while keeping their priorites on others, not themselves. Trust me, we did something similar to this at our church, and these girls probably had more fun doing this then the stuffy restaurant/prom scene!

By Debbie

April 25, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

Looks like Angie is the classic example of a “mom gone wild” spending whatever “she wants” on her child in an attempt to buy love.

Angie, you need to stop trying to buy your child’s love and start showing it. And, it is other people’s business when you turn out just another spoiled brat that the rest of us have to deal with. You need to read all of these posts and try to learn: your child deserves at least that much from you.

By Janet_G

April 25, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

Too many people miss the point of being a parent. Yes, it’s important to love your kids and have a good relationship with them, but your number one job as a parent is to teach your children about life, not to be their friend. Too many parents give in to their children or simply overwhelm them with material things to feel better about themselves as parents. Of course a child is going to like you when you buy him things, but that’s a temporary condition and it just sets you up for an even bigger purchase down the road in order for your child to continue to “like” you.

No parent feels good about saying no to their child and no child feels good about that parent at that moment either. The choice is whether or not you can set aside the “feel good” that you get from buying things for your child, so that you do your job as a parent. Too many parents are so busy trying to give their children more than they had as a child, that they forget to give them the things that they DID get from their parents. Things like showing their child how to use their imagination, how to make their own toys and make up new games, how to catch a firefly in a mason jar or a fish using a cane pole, how to “drink” the juice out of a piece of honeysuckle or identify the stars in a night sky. Those are the things that this generation will be denied of ever having and they are so much more valuable than Ipods, cell phones, Xboxs and designer clothers.

By singlemom

April 25, 2006 11:08 AM | Link to this

@me - thanks I appreciate those words. I am trying the best I can and it really is hard when you look around at what others have. But then again, I have more than alot of people too. My parents never GAVE anything to us, other than the drive to work for what we want and EARN it through hard work. Neither my brother or I have fancy homes, fancy cars, but we have what suits us, and what we can afford. Also, neither of us have credit cards and purchase nothing on credit, other than our homes. We pay cash, save for what we want, or we don’t buy. I drive an 8 year old car that was paid for with cash. I sleep real good at night, knowing no one can come and take anything from me. I hope I have passed these values on to my child, and I think I have.

By Rod

April 25, 2006 11:10 AM | Link to this

Youthworker, sounds good. If you can bond with your child, help out others and have a good time - does it get any better than this? And, it doesn’t take a ton of money.

By Goldfish

April 25, 2006 11:10 AM | Link to this

In an attempt to set a precedence for my beautiful daughter the senior, we have never spent more than $200 on a gown and she has attended every formal all four years of high school. There is no reason for me to lead my child into believing there is a never ending line of cash/credit in life.

Many friends “rent” her old gowns and mine for a nominal fee. We also have shoes and bags to go with. Works out great for everyone!

By Lola

April 25, 2006 11:10 AM | Link to this

I’m in total shock about the price of that prom dress! My wedding dress (3.5 years ago) cost me $400 and it was gorgeous. And it’s safe to say, that $3600 prom dress will probably be worn the same amount of times as my $400 wedding dress. ONCE. I think parents should set a budget of $250 for a prom dress, and anything over that is up to the child to purchase with money they’ve worked to earn. I paid for my own wedding, which is WHY i got an inexpensive yet elegant dress. It makes it a lot harder to spend the money when it’s coming out of your own pocket, and it would make these girls think twice about a dress like that if they had to pay for it themselves.

By Nancy

April 25, 2006 11:13 AM | Link to this

Shame on the parents who would even CONSIDER buying their child a $3,600 prom dress. The mere thought is obnoxious.

By Lori

April 25, 2006 11:14 AM | Link to this

Angie, you are right about one thing: if people earn their money they can do with it want they want as long as they obey the laws. We are not talking about whether or not this is peoples’ right, we are talking about whether it is the correct thing to do and we have every right to discuss that. I disagree with you that it is all relative. If a parent lavishes their child with things just because they can afford to, that does not mean it is okay. I am so glad that your friend who was spoiled as a girl grew up to be responsible, but she is the exception. I am sorry you feel so scarred by not having what the other kids had when you were little, but that is just how you are making other kids feel when you lavish riches on your child. I teach my child that there are going to be lots of things in her life that are popular that others have that she will not be able to have. This is a fact of life. I am 37 and my husband and I do well in life but I still see things everyday that I think are nice that others have that I will never be able to afford. But I have matured and I can put things into perspective. I have learned the difference between what I need and what I want and child who is “given the world” will have a very hard time learning that lesson.

By niki morrison

April 25, 2006 11:17 AM | Link to this

Where as $3600 may seem quite the exorbitant amount for a one-time-only dress, many parents have struggled through several years of multiple jobs while ateending school and then working 16-17 years to provide their children with luxuries and oppurtunities of only their wildest dreams and deepest wishes. Middle-class parents often by their children $100+ shoes.
Many single mothers of a lower earning bracket could not bear such an expense. I see no outcry for middle class parents for her… nor do I expect or feel she deserves it.
However, when someone sacrifices their on youth to provide for their future children, and eventual teenagers… I am happy for and proud of parents who have managed their finances and effectively provided luxuries for their children. Hopefully, their children will aspire to do better in their own lives as to maintain the lifestyle and luxuries just as their hardworking parents have provided them. Then do the same for their future children. In conclusion, if the mortgage and bills are paid, the family is well-fed and their is gas in the vehichles (okay, maybe that is asking too much right now…) what is so wrong with spending $3600 on a prom dress? Too sound almost a bit too cliche but in total agreement “If you got it, flaunt it.” Your parents worked hard for it,

By Andrew McCaskill

April 25, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this

Purchasing a $3,600 prom dress shows that you have more money than sense!

By Lisa

April 25, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this

This is one of the reasons America is going to hell in a handbag! The children today have no values, no understanding that things must be worked for to obtain. They are handed everything because mom and dad both work and it is easier to just hand the money out.

We have 3 children that we have taught that just because you can afford it doesn’t mean it is right to buy. That there are better uses of money besides buying ‘stuff’ that loses value.

Parents make excuses for the excesses and claim that their children do understand the value of things. But, by their attitudes and lack of appreciation you see their true colors. They are spoiled, weak, and selfish. We are raising a nation of useless adults that expect immediate gratification.

By Sriraj

April 25, 2006 11:21 AM | Link to this

Rick,

If I had $3,000 to burn for my daughter, I’d invest that in a Roth IRA. What a perfect gift for a child leaving school and entering college!

Thanks for talking common sense, as always!

By Renee Atlarge

April 25, 2006 11:21 AM | Link to this

I disagree about $3600 prom dress being relative to what you earn. There’s a mental illness in this country among teenagers and parents that the more you spend the happier you’ll be and the more “respect” you’ll deserve. That is just a crock and I don’t mind saying so.

$3600 is too much for a prom dress whether you’re a fast food manager or a fortune 500 CEO. What kind of message does it send rich kids? That they have the birth-right to waste money that could be much better spent? I think that is the message, and that’s part of the “mental illness.”

I have very little sympathy for the “poor” blogger who couldn’t afford the fancy things their classmates’ parents bought. Big woop, my parents COULD afford most of it but they did NOT buy that crap for me, and as much as I complained, by the time I was in 10th grade I didn’t give a rats __s. I knew that I’d make friends regardless, and that I was pretty and welcomed with or without a bunch of expensive crap.

By Rod

April 25, 2006 11:22 AM | Link to this

I like Lola’s example. Set a limit of a certain amount (try and figure out the average prom dress price and maybe add 10% - so hers is nice) for the dress. If the dress your daughter wants is more than that, then she’s welcome to pay the additional cost if the dress is absolutely a “to die for” dress. If the child is old enough to be going to a prom, then they’re old enough to have some sort of a part-time job. Therefore, they have the ability to pay for the dress if they really want it - and they’ll appreciate it more since they contributed to it.

Oh, those of you who don’t want your child working at all, don’t get me started!!!! (learning responsibility which goes way beyond school teachings)

By Ashley Andrews

April 25, 2006 11:23 AM | Link to this

Paying that much for a prom dress doesn’t show your love. It shows your stupidity.

By Missie Watson

April 25, 2006 11:25 AM | Link to this

I think $3600 for a prom dress is a bit much but who am I to judge. My daughter recently went to the prom it was stress free because my 17 year saved her money from her part time job. She had her dress made, purchased her shoes, jewlery, and made her hair appointment. I was really impressed with how she handled everything. The day of her prom all I had to do was help her get dress and show up with my camcorder and camera in hand.

By Judy

April 25, 2006 12:06 PM | Link to this

Amen Eric (8:26am)

By anita

April 25, 2006 12:08 PM | Link to this

To Christine Davis: kudos to you and your Mom! Thats what I call love also. Feeling obligated to buy a daughter a $3600 dress appears to me to be transferral of narcissim to the hilt and SO materialistic. You get what you pay for …a prostitute in the making, only question is pricing.Pity her poor johns…err husband, boyfriends

By Dr. E

April 25, 2006 12:09 PM | Link to this

This level of affluenza has gotten out of control when children are given the finer things in life that most college educated, hard working, 30 somethings, cannot afford. More importantly, they learn to take things like the $3,600 dress for granted. It reminds me of a poem that states..”we often give our children things we WANT them to have, and not things they NEED to have.” For example, if a child goes hungry for the night, they learn to appreciate food. GIVING a child a $3600 dress teaches them to EXPECT a $20,000 wedding gown.

By Nina McCampbell

April 25, 2006 12:10 PM | Link to this

When my children were small and wanted something that was completely unreasonable, my comment usually was one of the two - Do you want a little “cheese” with that whine? - or - Pipedreams belong under the bed, so you need to make room in the box for that one.

By Robin

April 25, 2006 12:13 PM | Link to this

It is funny how we come into the world with nothing but love and go out of this world worring about wills and material items to help provide for others. The people around us, when we go, wonder “show me the money” and once the money has bought enough happiness to cope, we go back to showing love. Love is bigger than we give it credit!

By julie

April 25, 2006 12:14 PM | Link to this

All I have to say is ‘Waste not, want not’.

By Susan

April 25, 2006 12:16 PM | Link to this

$3,500.00 for a PROM DRESS?!?! That’s disgusting!!

By Amy

April 25, 2006 12:19 PM | Link to this

$3600 for a dress! Has this world gone mad? Does she have any what I as a single mother could do with that money? I could pay my rent for 4 months, this would free up the money I need to fix my car. Are these parents out of their minds? We have a world of snott nose brats running around getting away with darn near murder and the parents want to keep spoiling. What happen to the days when your mom or dad said jump and you said how high? Kids now have no discipline and no respect for anyone. They don’t deserve half of what they get and this girl does not deserve a $3600.00 dress. What has she done? IT is really insane that these parents want to spend this kind of money. How about they put it in a college fund or a car fund? Something that can be used more than once.

By LG

April 25, 2006 12:22 PM | Link to this

When my daughter started to become fashion conscious, I gave her two gift cards of the same amount; one was to a high end clothing store and one to a lower priced department store. She learned really quickly that you get more clothes for the buck at the lower priced store. She’s almost 16, and hasn’t wanted to buy anything from the high priced “teen” clothing stores, and she’s the one who takes me to the sale racks.

I’m quite sure she’d rather I put $3,600 towards a used car for her than a dress.

By LaDonna

April 25, 2006 12:26 PM | Link to this

I saw quite a few promgoers come into the restaurant where I work, this and last weekend. Hmmm…let’s see, Asian mustard, barbecue sauce, ketchup, mustard, Coca Cola on a $3,600 prom dress! Wonder if she would have had fun afterwards…

By julia

April 25, 2006 12:29 PM | Link to this

HELL NO.. there is no way in the world would I buy a dress for that much..

that parent needs to be smacked…

Im so glad I have a boy.. Im so glad I have a boy

By lwa

April 25, 2006 12:32 PM | Link to this

$3600 for a prom dress? I would not have allowed my daughter to try the dress on. When we shop for clothes, I tell her that if you know I won’t spend the money for it (and she knows), don’t try it on. For shoes, I don’t spend more than than $50.. so don’t try a pair on that’s more. As a matter of fact, she only has approx. 3 pairs of shoes for the school year: tennis shoes, dress shoes for church and a pair of casual shoes. Late fall we get a pair of boots to add to the collection. In the spring, we add $5 flip flops in different colors. It’s called moderation.

I try to avoid my kids from any temptation when spending money and I don’t have the energy to discuss an issue over and over with my children when they know my position. If they forget my position, then I shop by myself for them and bring it home. They either like it or not, however, I have a better shopping experience.

By Bobby

April 25, 2006 12:33 PM | Link to this

I think this girl should take that $3,600.00 and get some counseling and try to find out why she feels she needs to do this. Lack of self confidence or self respect, possibly? She should bring her mother along, too, because the mother is the one who raised the daughter to feel this way about herself.

Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

By Blackberry

April 25, 2006 12:34 PM | Link to this

This is just AJC.com’s excuse to show a teenage chest on thier front page.

By Stephanie

April 25, 2006 12:34 PM | Link to this

Love is not described by a dollar figure Mom & Dad were crazy to spend that much. I bought my daughter a dress from Ross and it cost me $7.00 and it is beautiful.

By Stephanie

April 25, 2006 12:36 PM | Link to this

Blackberry you are sad!! That is not what they are doing!! You must be one of those who would spend that type of money on a dress for yur child and also learn how to spell.

By singlemom

April 25, 2006 12:38 PM | Link to this

I just read an article in the AJC about Forsyth County police raided a prom party at 1:40 in the morning Sunday. They arrested 11 kids, ranging from 16 - 20 for underage comsumption. The PARENTS are 43 and 38 years old and BOUGHT THEM the keg of beer. They too have been arrested. What would have happened if one of the underaged drunk kids got into a car, drove drunk, and killed someone?
How many of you have purchased alcohol for your underaged kids and their friends. I have a few friends who have the mentality - well I would rather purchase the alcohol for them and have them drink at home, blah blah blah. Do you idiots realize that you could lose EVERYTHING by supplying alcohol to kids? What’s wrong with people??????? Be a parent to you kid, not a friend. They need boundries…….

By angie

April 25, 2006 12:39 PM | Link to this

Rachel: I will be glad if my daughter ends up like me. A well adjusted successful college graduate. I am financially independent and spend time with my child and family. I am actively involved in my local church and I don’t judge other people. I am happy and enjoy travel and can travel because I have the finances to do that. I give to charities and spend time helping others. I ensure that my child had a well balanced like and she knows that she matters to me more than my career. I have the time, money, energy, and love to do what makes me happy. I am happy and fulfilled and enjoying life to the fullest. I also know when I need to mind my own business and not others. I get to know people before making false judgements of them. Self absorb, honey that might be you. Of course I will be glad if my daughter ends up like me.

By Kemosabi

April 25, 2006 12:41 PM | Link to this

I can’t believe this is even a question. It’s quite obvious that we have a lot of parents today that have more money than sense.

By Nel

April 25, 2006 12:44 PM | Link to this

Frustrated mom: my child also complained that she was the only one of her friends who didn’t have an iPod and that statement solidified my decision. I told her that if she needed one so badly, she’s have to save for it and we’d make up the difference if she didn’t have enough by Christmas, along with that was the proviso that if her grades slipped she wouldn’t get it for Christmas. After the initial shock, and her telling me how bad a parent I was because her friend’s parents gave them theirs to no avail, she saved furiously for it, and by the way, didn’t get it until AFTER Christmas and I only chipped $20 for the cover. Lesson learned. Her little brother is saving his allowance for his own iPod because he thinks what he needs to do to get one. Kids today need to know that money doesn’t mysteriously appear and it’s not hard to teach them that lesson. When they are quite young, kids love to pay for things themselves, where/when along the line aer parents taking that independence away from them?

By Mark

April 25, 2006 12:44 PM | Link to this

Do you folks realize that no one has bought the $3600 prom dress, so this article is almost moot.

By Solo

April 25, 2006 12:45 PM | Link to this

Never in this life!!!! What type of morals and values are we teaching to the youth of today? This is total nonsense.

By Derek

April 25, 2006 12:47 PM | Link to this

Now to spend all that money on a prom dress would be just a waste due to the fact its only for one night!

By Sammie

April 25, 2006 12:48 PM | Link to this

Everyone is talking about the outrageous price of this dress and the extravagance of proms. What I want to know is-what are you as parents going to do about it? It is our duty to stop the madness, but we seem to acquiese.

My daughter bought her Homecoming dress at the Goodwill ($6)and her prom dress at a thrift shop ($30). Her friends got together a couple of weeks ago for a dress exchange. The six girls brought all their gowns, jewelry, and shoes and mix and matched outfits. It was fun and they were excited about it!

They are going to a reasonable restaurant for dinner and driving their own cars (no $1000 limo!). I bet each of these kids ends up spending less than $100 on the prom and will have a grand time.

We need to make it “cool” for the kids to go cheap!

By Alvetta Freeman

April 25, 2006 12:51 PM | Link to this

That is absurd. Paying a ransom for a prom dress sends the wrong signal. What about the wedding dress. Where does it place? All children should see there needs and wishes fulfilled realistically. Even for the parent who can afford it, the recipient is not ready to appreciate the gift at such a young age.

By MrsKB

April 25, 2006 12:55 PM | Link to this

OK - 1st…. it’s a “PSP” = Playstation Portable. Not portable PS2. Get it right DAD. Thought I’d correct before your children do it. ;)

I was going to point out differences in parenting and the “money well spent” attitude some take. My man has pointed out many, many times that MY parent’s house needs new paint, new carpet, new _ (you fill in the blank). “My mom was ALWAYS re-decorating and putting up new décor and new furniture” etc, etc. Since we have been together we have taken a minimum of 20 vacations. When I say “remember that time in 2000 when we were in _ and we met _ or we did __” his response? “OH YEAH! That was so much fun!” My follow-up question is usually “and what COLOR did your mom paint the house when you were in the 11th grade?” CRICKETS! Nothing! No response!

Point: it’s not WHAT you HAVE that makes memories! It’s WHO you are with and how you spend your time! Get out of the Ho-Depot on Saturday and take your kid to the lake or the park or just spend q-u-a-l-i-t-y time with your children! Kids don’t care about the extravagant gifts or clothes or stuff! It’s the memories you make.

Here’s a tip: Turn off the computer. Go pull your kid out of school early and take him/her to 6 flags. It will blow their mind and make a great memory.

By Carol

April 25, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

Well buying a teenager a $3600 dress just demonstrates that some people have more money than common sense or try to show they have money. No wonder people have accumulated so much debt and no savings. Guess what, the government is not going to support you. So I hope your daughter is planning to help you when you are older.

By raceman94

April 25, 2006 01:02 PM | Link to this

Well, well, well. Another classic example of people with more money than common sense.

By singlemom

April 25, 2006 01:04 PM | Link to this

Since I seem to be on a roll today, here is something else…..I have another friend whose daughter is just barely 13, and her mother purchases push-up bras for her, and this 13 year old girl dresses like a streetwalker. This same mother also caught her 13 year old smoking cigarettes, and did absolutely nothing about it. Her statement to us was - “Oh well, kids today, what do you do? It’s her decision to smoke”. That parent is way out there, and has already lost her child. What a shame.

By Blackberry

April 25, 2006 01:04 PM | Link to this

Stephanie - I find it utterly amusing when people criticize other’s spelling/grammer/punctuation on message boards or blogs. It is particularly so when that individual makes the same gaffe in thier own post.

And yes, the ajc found a way to show a teenage girl’s breasts and midriff. Don’t think that slipped past the editor’s mind….

By Rod

April 25, 2006 01:18 PM | Link to this

Blackberry, you are one sick demented pervert. I shudder to think that you might have a child, let alone a girl. The AJC did not put the picture of the prom dress on here just so they could “post a teenage girl’s breasts and midriff.” Get past your fantasizing, it shows nothing but the dress and the girl’s shoulders/arms.

And yes, you misspelled “thier.” Please get treatment.

By Star

April 25, 2006 01:26 PM | Link to this

We can not put a price tag on our children, but there is no excuse for NOT using common sense!!!! We must instill values in our children lives if we want them to be successful and able to survive in the world. There are so many children who are lacking the basic survival needs and we want to BUY love for our children. Parents be parents and show love, demand respect, and be there for your child(ren)with more than just $$$$$$. Peace.

By Troglodyke

April 25, 2006 01:35 PM | Link to this

I agree wholeheartedly that $3,600 is a ridiculous price for a piece of clothing to be worn once. It matters not how much money one has. That is ridiculous.

That said, there is nothing wrong with being rich (as long as your riches came legally, of course). Most people who are considered rich have earned that wealth, and I say, more power to them. (I’m not one of them, and probably never will be, but that’s my choice.) Capitalism is the driving economic force in this country, and I can’t imagine living anywhere else.

Also, several posters lament that the money would be better spent on a charity. That may be true, but why should someone “only spend $600 on the dress and give the rest to charity”? Charity cannot be coerced, folks. That’s why it is called charity. People give because they WANT to. It’s their money; they earned it; if they wanna blow it on a stupid dress, fine for them. We all know better. Saying they “should give it to charity” smacks a tiny bit of socialism. (By the way, I do give money to charity.) Charity would be fine, but investing it would be even better.

This doesn’t have to do with being rich, it has to do with priorities. It is true that kids seem much more prone to an entitlement mindset these days; much more so than when I was a kid (I’m 40). I find it shameful that parents feel they need to be their kids’ best friends, and that they feel that throwing their money at the kids is justified. Yes, it is their money, and they should be able to do with it as they wish. But is it right? Will it produce children with good common sense and maturity? The answer to both is no.

Here’s a novel idea. The daughters should buy their OWN prom dresses. Maybe the parents give a $200 credit toward the dress of the daughter’s choice, and she makes up the difference. How bad does she want it? If she wants it, she’ll find a way. The $200 gift to her is a reward for good grades or mature behavior. If she elects to buy a $39 dress, the rest of the money is kept in an account to go toward whatever she “has to have” next.

The same goes for cars, gadgets, and the like. Why should parents buy their kids lots of things? Make ‘em earn those things; then they will know the value of a dollar.

Kids should be responsible for buying their own stuff. A car, a prom dress, a wedding, a wedding dress, college—none of these is a “right.” All are privileges, and should be earned. Pay for the child’s freshman year at a local college, and then he can apply for loans for the rest. If he wants to attend a more expensive college, the amount you’d have spent locally goes towards tuition, and he makes up the rest. If he chooses to be a layabout and flunks out, you haven’t lost much.

The most mature and likable folks I know, hands down, are the ones who were not spoiled as children. This should tell you something.

By jim d

April 25, 2006 01:36 PM | Link to this

Guess I’m a moron according to most of your bloggers, Rick.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with spending money on something for your child that may seem a bit over the top to some.

If you can afford to spend the money, what’s the issue? I work and earn every dime I have, If I wish to spend it on my child what should it matter to anyone else?

I don’t tell others how to spend their money and could really care less what they think about how I spend mine.

BTW, it’s not called buying love, its called freedom and liberty. Y’all get over it!

By Tyler

April 25, 2006 01:37 PM | Link to this

Not NO but HELL NO….Parents are just idiots if they do something like this for a prom there kids will not remember or care in 10 years! Get a life kids..it is just a boring dance that has no bearing on your life!!!

By kathie

April 25, 2006 01:41 PM | Link to this

if you do this you should be shot. give it to charity, it will go further and mean more in the long run

By jim d

April 25, 2006 01:43 PM | Link to this

kathie, Why?

I already give. Why should it matter to anyone else if I elect to give my child more than they are willing or capable of giving theirs?

By JustAskin'

April 25, 2006 01:44 PM | Link to this

That also better double as her wedding dress in a couple of years.

By Nel

April 25, 2006 01:51 PM | Link to this

The telling point in this article is that the child DID NOT WANT THE $3,600 DRESS. Seems like this girl has her head on pretty straight. Seem like mom may be living vicariously through her.

By j

April 25, 2006 01:52 PM | Link to this

What is worse then spending $3,500.00 for a prom dress? Allowing your children to watch the trash on MTV.

By proudmom

April 25, 2006 01:57 PM | Link to this

After reading your column, I am so proud of my 17 year old daughter. We live in an area north of Atlanta where it is common to see kids driving to school in BMWs and Lexis’s. Girls carry around $200+ handbags and spend small fortunes on manicures and pedicures weekly.

My daughter found a beautiful dress at a local outlet for $30. She is wearing last year’s prom shoes. Her boyfriend drives a 06’ model decked out pick up truck and will be driving them to the prom, thus no limo cost. She is having a friend do her hair, and she will be applying her own make up. She is splurging on a manicure and pedicure, using a gift certificate she got for Christmas.

Now, don’t get me wrong, her father and I both are professionals - he is an architect and I am in business administration. We have been blessed and our bank accounts reflect it. But I believe our greatest blessing is our beautiful daughter - beautiful inside and outside - who has learned that it does not take a fortune to have a great time.

By jenny

April 25, 2006 01:58 PM | Link to this

oh my goodness. i bought my first car, myself, for $3500 when i was in high school and my prom dress, which i paid for, was $100. this makes me sick what parent are willing to pay for. i have more respect for my parents now making me pay for thing i wanted rather than buying them for me. i know those kids are going to respect their parents like i do mine if they keep giving them $3500 prom dresses that will be worn for a total of 3 hours!

By me

April 25, 2006 01:58 PM | Link to this

Go ahead. Spend that money. Be proud when their claim to fame is the cover on “Girls Gone Wild”.

By Blackberry

April 25, 2006 02:01 PM | Link to this

Hey Rod - you assume the I am a male. Interesting presumption. Regardless you are a moron.

By Cletus Snow

April 25, 2006 02:03 PM | Link to this

I can’t believe this could be worthy of more than one sentence.

By 2N4YEARS

April 25, 2006 02:08 PM | Link to this

I do agree w/ you. Good story. I might see, though, in a rare circumstance, that someone might want to spend $3600 on a prom dress. While you’re right, she probably won’t remember it as one of her ‘best’ experiences w/ her Mom, BUT perhaps they’ve already been to Europe? Maybe they’re ‘loaded’ and her parents don’t usually spoil her. Ahh, you’re probably right. She probably drives a BMW to a ‘public’ school.

By Jim

April 25, 2006 02:13 PM | Link to this

AJC if you are looking for the real mood of the country, well here it is, in these letters. This is the real thing, raw, human emotion. These people, in a vast majority, recognize the insanity we promote in our society. These comments recognize that something is broken and a good deal of common sense is greatly needed. Too bad sense isn’t so common these days. Unfortunately, we give into the whine and the “but they are my children” arguement. Well they may be your children, but you sure are not their parent, or at the very least you have forgotten the verb “parenting.”

By Ayesha

April 25, 2006 02:18 PM | Link to this

I have a 6 year old daughter, I am a single mother who is a middle schooll teacher! Already you should know that I don’t have a lot of money, but if my child wants it and deserves it she gets it. As adults, if we want it and have the money to get it we BUY it!!!!! I have know problem buying,eating,going,seeing the finner things in life. Everything we have I feel is all worth it.

By Markus

April 25, 2006 02:19 PM | Link to this

Well it’s heartening to know that there are some teens out there with enough sense to know what’s rediculous on spending. Now I believe that parents have a right to spend any amount of money they want on their children, whether it’s a $300 Easter Sunday suit for a 9-year old or a $40,000 Land Rover for a 17-year old.

However, there comes a time when these parents, who may be living a childhood they never received through their children, are doing more harm than good. Spoiling children does not prepare them for the realities of the future. Specifically, rejection. There will be a bad grade; there will be a failed relationship; there will be a job interview and a rejection.

These are all realities of life, and if you bring your child up into a world where they get everything they want, it is setting themselves up for a future of disappointment and unhappiness that NO amount of money can fix. I’m sure every single person on this board has known an adult whiner or complainer where nothing is ever good enough.

Do I sound like I know a little about this subject? If so, it’s because I was one of those spoiled teens who had the nice cars, ski boats, nice clothes, nice vacations, etc. I always came to expect things to be given to me vs. earning them or working towards earning them. In short, I never learned how to set realistic goals for the future. I always enjoyed the present. Now that I’m in my late 30’s, it’s only been about the last ten years that I’ve finally gotten a grip on the real world and started appreciating the benefits of hard work. I should have learned that by my early 20s like most other young successful people. I know my parents meant well, but I would never do for my future children what they did for me.

Think about the future parents, don’t spoil your kids for present day pleasure.

By Bill

April 25, 2006 02:25 PM | Link to this

Angie, the cavalry is here to your defense. You’re approaching this from the correct angle. You (and probably many others as well) realize two things: a) one is free, within the limits of legality, to spend the money he earns (whatever income level that may be) on the things he wishes, including one’s children, and that said amount is relative to said income level; and b) the values to which you appear to subscribe (and I only know about you what very little I have read here) are not necessarily incongruent with Rick’s column. This is not a zero-sum game. One can spend both tremendous quality time with his children AND buy them “nice things.” It all depends on your definition of “nice things”, and the amount of resources that family has to deal with. As for the rest of you, the jealousy and class envy should have dissolved after high school.

By singlemom

April 25, 2006 02:34 PM | Link to this

Both of my cousins were spoiled little brats growing up. Their parents bought them everything. One of my cousins, only 7 months younger, had totalled out three cars by the time I bought my first one. Daddy just kept on buying car, after car. They were the Joneses everyone wanted to keep up with. The oldest cousin is now dead from a drug overdose, which his father provided, (he was a doctor), and the other has not, and cannot hold down a job, been in and out of jail, rehab, etc. This is what happens when you give your kid EVERYTHING……

By K S

April 25, 2006 02:35 PM | Link to this

The thought of a parent buying a child a $3,600 prom dress sickens me. The extravagence that parents lavish on their kids these days is one of the core reasons why our society is eroding. Other Westerna nations look upon our largesse with disdain and I can’t say I blame them when I see reports like this. I knew teens in high school and in college who drove luxury cars and were spoiled beyond belief. Compared to their peers, most of them have had a far harder time after school (in college and in the work place) due to their inability to understand a strong work ethic and know what it takes to succeed. My brother is only 6 years younger than me but his friends informed me two years ago that when they graduated from college they EXPECTED to make $65,000 a year as their STARTING salary. Needless to say, they had a severe reality check when they started interviewing. A few of them are now even back at home with their parents because they can’t GET a job, let alone find one that meets their “salary requirements.”

By SMOKEY SMITH

April 25, 2006 02:38 PM | Link to this

Stupid parents with money and spoiled rotten kids are a dangerous combination. The parents will probably loose it once the kid comes home from the prom in that $3600 dress addicted to meth. They shouldn’t be mad, they should get their butts kicked and the kids too.

By G in MI

April 25, 2006 02:59 PM | Link to this

Rick, I can’t believe that you bought your kid a bag of KRYSTAL burgers Talk about bad influence. Good article though and I am glad to see a lot of the responses. Looks like there are a couple of generations left that contain some people of character. And that is what it boils down to is character. I am glad that the girl in the article that had $3,500 to spend chose wisely and spent a lot less. What idiots do we have raising children now days?. No wonder people hate Americans. For good reason.

By Just Me

April 25, 2006 03:32 PM | Link to this

Hey, there’s nothig wrong with a bag of Krystal burgers every once in a blue moon. We have on occassion bought a bag with fries and gone to the park or a job site, too. But we like ours with cheese! :)

By the way, I bought my prom dresses for around $100 and my wedding dress was only $300, which was a great move because my husband and I paid for the wedding and didn’t want to start our marriage off in DEBT. My $75 dollar wedding band means so much to me as does my husband of 21 years.

By Mrs Hudson

April 25, 2006 03:48 PM | Link to this

I grew up in a comfortable family and my mother tried hard not to spoil me. Sure we had the occasional ski trip or amusement park vacation, but my father came to this country seeking wealth, not money. To this day, I want to be the comforable person my father was, sitting on a nest egg of more than one million to retire on, while making sure my children don’t need anything. My mother even made my prom dress, my mother in law supplied the cake and flowers for my wedding. I never went to bed hungry, but I never needed the next new technology or gizmo. In fact, I’ve worn my less than $200 prom dresses more than once, which I think is a great deal. Kudos to my parents and inlaws - you raised us well!

By Just Me

April 25, 2006 03:52 PM | Link to this

I’m right there with you Mrs. Hudson.

By jim d

April 25, 2006 03:53 PM | Link to this

Marcus, Some very good points. However, without knowledge of if a child gets everything they wish for or if they get what the parents wish to give and if there are conditions attached to the gift it’s rather difficult to assume we could interject our own personal expierences into the equation.

I’d also like to point out that goals can be set and reached that are much loftier than materialistic things and these gooals can in fact have a greater affect on personal development. You sir, seem to associate material things with goals and self discipline—Not all do.

Good parenting my friend involves knowing when to give, as much or, more than what to give. The bottom line is that if I were to decide to give my child a new Beemer, or take a trip to the islands or to europe for a week, it’s really no one elses damn business.

By Eugene

April 25, 2006 04:21 PM | Link to this

This is a great column! When kids are given $3,600 prom dresses and given multi-million dollar 16th birthday parties (as seen on MTV), I think it teaches them that their value is based off of material possesions. I can think of nothing more sad than a middle class child from a loving home with hard working parents feeling that they do not matter in life because they can’t afford expensive clothes and swanky birthday parties like the kids on MTV and in the AJC. Whether we realize it or not, this is the subtle message that society sends our children.

By jim d

April 25, 2006 04:31 PM | Link to this

Eugene, so whats the problem with the message? We aren’t all on equal incomes. What do you really have a problem with here? Might it be that some people can afford such gifts?

The lesson our kids should take from this is that if they are willing to work hard they can have a higher standard of living. Do you have a problem with sending that message?

By Alex

April 25, 2006 04:58 PM | Link to this

Definitely some interesting comments on this board. First off, I don’t think there’s anything at all perverted about Blackberry hypothesising that this was the cover story because of the photo. If you’re in the business of selling newspapers, you want a dominant graphic that grabs people’s attention. Like it or not, pretty, young girls in dresses grabs the attention of lots of Americans. Secondly, troglodyke, contemptuously saying that feeling obligated to give to charity “smacks a tiny bit of socialism” is a statement that smacks a tiny bit of McCarthyism. Socialism is no more dangerous an ideology than unrestrained capitalism. Just because it isn’t western or American doesn’t mean its evil. Speaking of unrestrained capitalism, that’s exactly what this whole situation is. $3600 represents the price that a customer is presumably willing to pay in a free-market economy. It is truly a tragedy that greed and consumerism has driven people to spend an a trivial piece of clothing worn only for one night what many people in third world countries attempt to live on for nearly a decade (that is, a dollar a day).

The other problem I see in many of these arguments is the mentality that people should simply do whatever they want with their money as long as they, themselves are happy — if it’s within their means, then why not do it, you say. This fierce individualism is disturbing. Neo-conservatism truly seems to be killing all notions of a cohesive, interdependent “society” that we have left.

I’m sure many of you will call me a pinko commie symp. I won’t be offended, but I am much firmer believer in having TRUE welfare-state capitalism than pure socialism. I just wish people would learn to accept or at least be tolerant of worldviews than their own. And yes, I guess I’m just an idealistic 20 year old sociology major; a sophomore in college, and I must simply wait for reality to sink in when I’m older. But right now, I don’t care. If I can somehow use a blog for a newspaper story about an expensive prom dress as my own personal soap box to spout my misgivings and rantings about the problems of our world, then I’m gonna do it!

By Carol

April 25, 2006 05:01 PM | Link to this

jim d - Yes, it is your right to spend your money as you see fit. Just don’t complain or expect anyone to support you when you retire. You and you alone should suffer the consequences of your poor decision making process. The rest of us who have made better choices should not be force to support you. So when your spoiled little girl won’t leave home or expects her Dad to support her, look in the mirror when you wonder why.

By jim l

April 25, 2006 05:58 PM | Link to this

Here’s a nice little anecdote for y’all. My brother lives down the street from and is a golfing buddy of DICK of DICK’S SPORTING GOODS. It’s in a nice area of Pittsburgh (but it is definitely no BUCKHEAD). They have become friends cause they both have two daughters the same ages, 10 and 12. Watching these two girls play with my nieces is a joy. They are sweet, kind and respectful. Until a couple of years ago when DICKS went public and the parents had to tell them, they didn’t even know their dad owned it! The girls have bikes and a few barbie dolls AND THAT’S IT!! They get a few gifts on Christmas morning, but no video games or NINTENDOS and the like, and have much less than all the other girls they play with in the neighborhood. Yet DAD could buy the whole subdivision and golf course if he wanted to 100 times over. The girls idea of a nice restaurant is going to McDonalds- and they love it! One can see the genuine love this family has for one another (nothing material whatsoever) -it’s a beautiful thing!

By youthworker

April 25, 2006 06:24 PM | Link to this

The fact that some comments here have morphed into world-view/good vs. evil/political sides is crazy. The fact that I got home from work and am still reading this blog is even crazier.

I truly think what matters most is what kind of person you are raising. I know some parents who can barely rub 2 cents together, yet spend themselves into crazy debt so their children can look ‘perfect’. I know some extremely wealthy parents who have the most wonderful children you will ever meet—not spoiled at all. It is not money that is evil, but the LOVE of money—when we put money before God, everything suffers. When we put Him first, the blessing follow (including money…)

How bout this—let’s all try to not be so judgemental, make the best decisions for our own families, and focus on building up the people around us. And yes this is idealistic..but what do you expect, I’m a youth worker, right? ;)

By Thekim

April 25, 2006 09:24 PM | Link to this

Note to parents: Take that $3,000 plus purchase and use it toward an investment for your children, whether it be for college or for teaching the principles of investing in stocks. Geez, I was lucky to get my first car, ONLY after high school…My Dad knew better….it was a used 71 Camaro, but it would travel! I learned to drive in that car-that’s what my Dad knew….Hey, whatever happened to making mudpies in the front yard, playing in a treehouse or learning about how things work (my Dad also explained how bulldozers and other machines work-that’s why I know so much about them today! I love to know how things work). What about getting fresh air, watching sunsets? Why, just this past weekend, I threw over 800 lbs of dirt into a potential flower garden. When I finished, I looked down to find my arms and legs covered in dirt. What did I do? I laughed like a child as I flashed back to being a child and coming home dirty and with some cuts and scrapes. Sure, I was scolded, sometimes spanked (imagine that…some would think child abuse for crying out loud!). Many good comments here, but I have to agree the most with what a previous reader, Eric, said-we are going to hell in a handbasket folks…….get real!

By kim

April 25, 2006 11:29 PM | Link to this

I personally would never spend that kind of money for a prom dress for a 16 year old child no matter how much money I had. However, for those parents who choose that, so be it. It doesn’t make me jealous or envious of others. What makes me sad is thinking that a parent could be doing that because they feel they have to in order to make their child happy or to feel loved or for the parent to feel loved themselves.

What most children need instead of a $3,500 prom dress is a lesson on making good choices on prom night. My parents gave me a lot growing up, but I was always taught to be a leader and make the right choices for myself. When I was 17, my prom date pulled out cocaine at the dance and asked if I wanted any. I left him high (no pun intended:) and dry and found another ride home that night. BTW, for those who are wondering, I think my prom dress was around $150.

The problem as I see it is that parents are challenged by society. It seems as if many people feel the need to look like a celebrity at whatever cost. What is so sad is the price that families pay for it.

Children just want to be accepted by their parents. When they don’t they look to their peers for acceptance. That is what can spell trouble. Children need to be taught and shown to have self respect, values amd morals and to love themselves, otherwise problems can evolve…look at the amount of kids using crystal meth and other deadly drugs. And, what about kids killing other kids or their own parents? It’s sad and it is pathetic that the need to feel loved and accepted can cost a child his or her life.

It is time that a lot parents wake up and be a parent. Stop caring and worrying about what others are doing or buying for their children. Just do what you feel is best for your children and that will build a better and stonger foundation for your child and his/her future. Show your children respect and they will do so in return and never ask you to spend $3,500 on a prom dress.

By Jan Houston

April 26, 2006 07:23 AM | Link to this

I think IF I quote someone, it would NOT be Whitney!!!! But, IF the kid is already driving a Hummer to school, they will most likely be sporting the High Dollar outfit too!!!!!! But I agree Rick, the simple pleasures ARE the BEST!!!!!!Times spent TOGETHER…………. ahhhhhh

By braz

April 26, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this

Parents need to understand we do not have to buy our children’s love. It is our love that provides for them each day. I understand how parents may want their child to have a rememberable moment at their prom. But paying $3600 for dress is RIDICULOUS. Shop early, shop at consignment shops, and shop wisely. The memories are not based on what you wear but the fun they can have. Think about the most rememberable moments were the most simple times.

By Troglodyke

April 26, 2006 11:14 AM | Link to this

Alex wrote:

Secondly, troglodyke, contemptuously saying that feeling obligated to give to charity “smacks a tiny bit of socialism” is a statement that smacks a tiny bit of McCarthyism.

Um, how? Am I leading people on a witch hunt to “out” those who give to charity? I am not. Giving to charity great, and it is the giver’s right to do so. I took issue with so many posters proclaiming loudly that not only would a parent be a fool to spend that much money on a dress (I agreed with that part), but that instead of spending all that on a dress, they should give the money to charity. My ooposition is telling people they should give to charity. That smacks of Socialism, and you are right—it is a great ideology in theory, but put it in practice and you’ll see a different story.

Also, Alex said:

*The other problem I see in many of these arguments is the mentality that people should simply do whatever they want with their money as long as they, themselves are happy — if it’s within their means, then why not do it, you say. This fierce individualism is disturbing. *

What is disturbing is someone on their high horse telling folks what to do with their money, and so many people willing to give up individual liberties. One can still be an individual and be a part of society; is not society made up of individuals?

How far do you think we’d get in this world if everyone only did things for others? How about keeping one’s individuality and doing your part to make the world a better place? That’s what I prefer to do, but then again, I used to be an idealistic 20-year-old myself. :-)

Lastly, Alex said:

Neo-conservatism truly seems to be killing all notions of a cohesive, interdependent “society” that we have left.

You are partially right. I am not, and will never be, a conservative—neo or otherwise. I am a dyed-in-the-wool Libertarian, after a youth spent as a die-hard Democrat.

Neither the Left or the Right want to hear it, but I fall, with most of the rest of the American people, squarely in the middle.

Back to the issue at hand. Is it silly and moronic to spend $3600 on a silly dress? Yes. Could that money be better spent elsewhere? Yes. But I have a problem with people trying to tell others what to do with their own money.

So Alex, what do you think of my belief that kids need to buy their own things, and send themselves through college? Or do you think owning a car and going to college are rights?

By meme

April 26, 2006 12:57 PM | Link to this

Want to see spoiled rotten kids? Watch “My Sweet 16”. Some of these parents are spending over $50,000, for a birthday party.

By jim d

April 26, 2006 01:33 PM | Link to this

meme, and this directly affects you in what way? why do you really care what someone else does with their money?

By LilburnMom

April 26, 2006 05:13 PM | Link to this

I think if my daughter wanted to try on the dress I would let her. Of course she knows that we could never afford something that extravagant so buying it would never be an issue. What is wrong with having big dreams? What is wrong with encouraging your children to want expensive and nice things? My daughter has wanted to be a doctor her entire life. Since she could understand what that was. She knows that she will have to study and work hard to go to school and become a doctor. Her main goal is to help people but she speaks of having a nice home and a nice car. She also speaks to having her own income and not having to rely on a man for the nice things she wants. Thats pretty good I think! Do I want that for her? Of course I do! I want that for all my children. Do I want my children to struggle as my husband and I do? Of course not! I want better for them. And so should every parent. What is wrong with wanting more! It encourages us to go after our dreams. I just want my children to be happy and successful and good hearted and not to worry over things like gas prices and how to pay the mortgage. I want them to go on vacations and have nice things. Stuggling is all well and good for creating good character but I am tired of being the almost broke middle class! I know they understand the importance of working hard and they are far from spoiled that is for sure. I don’t condone some of the going over the top sort of thing but when my son and his friends wanted to split a limo for homecoming I said ok. He had to wear a hand me down suit but I didnt worry about them driving and getting in an accident. I don’t care about keeping up with the Joneses. I think most of us are just trying to keep up! So if my daughter wanted to try the dress on I would have told her she looked beautiful (because she is beautiful) and it would have been fun. That girl in the paper didn’t buy the dress. As of Rick’s printing no one had. She was probably just having fun dreaming of what it might be like to have it.

By Alex

April 26, 2006 08:26 PM | Link to this

OK troglodyke I said your comment “smacks a TINY bit of McCarthyism” in the same way that you said feeling a personal obligation to give to charity smacks a TINY bit of socialism. I never said it was McCarthyism. The mindset you seemed to be assuming simply sounds similar to the Eisenhower-era backlash against government welfare programs because they resembled communism, even in the slightest bit. In the same way, feeling a personal obligation to give to charity is not the same as socialism - where the government mandates such systems

In regards to my comment about neo-conservatism killing society, I am not advocating an authoritarian government. The thought of losing precious personal liberties (a la Patriot Act and wiretapping) scares me to death. I am more concerned with the mindset of neo-conservatism (which is inching closer and closer to libertarianism): that the individual is above EVERYTHING else; the “Me-First, I don’t care as long as I get mine” attitude.

Finally, you are absolutely right, the vast majority of Americans seem to reflect these “moderate” libertarian views - and that is disturbing too. Once again, I LOVE personal liberty - I don’t think we should lose ANY of our personal freedoms, some of which are being threatened by the current administration. I just do not like the fact that terrible, corrupt politicians like Richard M. Nixon have caused Americans to lose faith in and become alienated from the government and the welfare state. The reason it’s kind of scary is because it isn’t something tangible - it’s ideas and mindsets.

I’m concerned about the loss of another very important personal freedom: freedom from poverty. I believe in the idea of an organic society. Even if you are rich, if you live in a stratified country with such a large gap between rich and poor, where many people are NOT free from poverty, then you yourself are not living in a free society.

Call my idealism what you will. I know plenty of idealists in their middle or closing years as well.

By meme

April 27, 2006 12:05 PM | Link to this

Jim, it doesn’t affect me at all except to entertain me, but I do believe that I am free to make my comment. I use to respect most of what you said but I am rethinking that after this.

By Timothy Crawley

April 27, 2006 02:31 PM | Link to this

I can only speak from my own experiences from childhood. I don’t remember all of the gifts I recieved, but I do remember all the times my parents took time to teach me something or just be together with me. My only comment about the dress is this if the family thinks of $4,000.00 as I think of $500.00 then I see no problem in the purchase. However to love money and teach love of money is very bad even if its innocent.

By meme

May 1, 2006 07:31 AM | Link to this

Read an article in Time magazine about the “My Sweet Sixteen” that I refered to in an earlier post. I was wrong. Parents are spending up to $200,000 on the one night party. I have no problems with parents spending this money if they can afford it, it is the spoiled rotten kids that demand things and the parents who give in so easily that bother me. I would be ashamed of my kids if they acted this way.

By jim d

May 1, 2006 09:11 AM | Link to this

meme.

Absolutely you do have the liberty to make your comments, as do I. All I’ve been saying in this blog is that it really should be of no one else’s concerns as to what a parent elects to do for their child as long as those decisions don’t adversely and directly affect others.

What I detect from some of the posts here on this blog is that some posters, while not harboring feelings of jealousy, do appear to have some feelings of guilt that they may not be able to provide their children with what others are capable of. Is that wrong? No. But neither is doing what one wishes to for their children even if it appears extravagant to others. Indeed even I have these feelings at times when I see a kid driving a classic car I’d die for the opportunity to just drive around the block.

On a personal note though, I must say that I’m extremely happy to be living in a nation where hard work is rewarded and we all don’t have the same standard of living. Because in countries that do attempt to keep the standards the same for everyone, no incentives exist to try to improve ones status and the overall standards are much lower than those that we enjoy.

That being said, I really don’t believe there are that many kids out there demanding their parents buy extravagant gifts although I do believe many parents do so because they wish to. I also believe most kids would do as the young lady in the article and forgo the expensive for something more in tune with what the majority of their friends have.

JMHO, have a great day ;-)

By meme

May 1, 2006 09:24 AM | Link to this

Jim d, I was never able to have children (and I am now in my 50’s) so I never had the opportunity to give in to what they want. I teach in middle school and see kids demanding things from their parents and demeaning their parents every day. Whose fault do I think it is? I clearly think it is the fault of the parent. When I have these same students in my class who demand and whine to get their way (a higher grade or to not have to do a project), then it affects me and I don’t like it one bit. I think that parents should be able to give to their kids according to what they have, I don’t have a problem with that. As to why I care about how someone spends their money; they are shaping the future. MHO

By jim d

May 3, 2006 07:29 AM | Link to this

meme,

I never had anything growing up, yet I “whined” as a student 40 years ago about projects being assigned. Never about my grades though as I earned what I got.

I guess some things never change and i don’t think the whining has to do with what a child has or what parents are able to afford their children. More so I think from just being teens.

By meme

May 3, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this

I seem to be wrong is something that I say every time.

By meme

May 3, 2006 10:19 AM | Link to this

Sorry, I seem to be wrong in something that I say every time.

By jim d

May 3, 2006 01:38 PM | Link to this

You’re not wrong, just have a different view. Isn’t that what these blogs are about?

By Dejay

May 4, 2006 02:44 PM | Link to this

I have to fully agree with Angie on this. That amount only seems ridiculous to us because we are NOT rich and/or wealthy. Since when did someone have to apologize for being able to afford things for their kids? If I was wealthy, my daughter wouldn’t be shopping at a thrift store for a prom dress and neither would ANY of your kids for that matter if you were in the same position. If the child has balance and a set or morals and standards placed within them, it doesn’t matter whether they have a $28 dress or a $2800 one. That is far more important than the buying of anything. That is all we, as a society, could ask from a parent to do. If they happen to have had a $3600 dress to wear for their senior prom or a plasma screen in their bedroom, should we be so concerned about it?

When I was growing up, I didn’t have much and neither did a lot of my classmates. When the drug dealers with the name-brand clothes and late model cars came strolling around to date the girls we went to high school with, we were no competition to them. That was our MTV Cribs back then; watching them show off the things that you only dreamed you could have, only to then flaunt it in your face. Tell me what is the difference between celebrities showing off their cars, homes, and luxury items and the drug dealers who do the same thing besides the legality of attaining them? Anyway, some of my classmates became easily influenced by that and joined them. Many of them are not around today, sad to say. The only thing that kept me away from it was the morals and standards my mother placed in me as a child long before high school. As long as that is firmly rooted in a child, whether they had things or not should be of little consequence.

By H. Brown

May 9, 2006 05:40 PM | Link to this

I am tempted to agree with Angie on some counts, and I’m struck by how similar a lot of these comments are to off-cited defenses of childhood abuse (“my father beat me every day and I turned out swell for it”).

Going overboard in depraving your child as a hommage to your own upbringing is a pitfall that gets put on a pedestal all too often, and if anything MTV’s show owes its popularity to grotesque spectactle; watching rude, disrespectful kids and their oblivious parents make us all feel better about (1) not having that much money and (2) not being that bad a kid/ parent.

While it is important to cultivate an appreciation for the “cost of money”, if you will, parents who go too far out of their way to avoid spoiling children and say no with unnecessary relish teach miserliness by example. Happiness certainly isn’t something that you have to buy, but generosity IS a virtue. Unnecessary stinginess is a precoccupation with money in its own right, and sends a message that is at least as harmful as unappreciative expectance and self-absorption.

Teaching children to appreciate what they do have is much more important than making sure that you don’t spend too much money on a prom dress.

On another note entirely, I bought my prom dress (my parents did not buy it for me) for $36. Coupons and sale mark-offs are wonderful things.