Party politics trumps Cupid

If it’s true that opposites attract —- Rule No. 1 of the storybook romance —- why is it noteworthy when a loyal liberal courts a steadfast conservative?

After all, stark contrasts didn’t keep Hepburn from falling for Tracy. The less in common, the better, as TV’s Sam Malone and Diane Chambers proved (or tried to). Even the “bromantic” duo Felix and Oscar overcame their inherently odd coupling.

Of course, Hepburn never called Tracy a fascist for his views on tax policy.

With the Blues and the Reds becoming increasingly intractable, politically active singles appear much less willing to stray from the ideological herd. Forget sleeping with the enemy —- having a cordial cocktail is near treason.

Seizing upon that trend, a slew of ideologically themed dating sites have debuted since the 2004 election. It’s unclear just how many are currently online, but niche sites like ConservativeMatch.com and LiberalHearts.com are growing at a faster rate than more general dating sites like Match.com and Yahoo! Personals, according to a recent report in Online Dating Magazine.

Heather Teilhet, formerly Gov. Sonny Perdue’s communications director, prefers romantic tension. The GOP veteran has been married 3 1/2 years to state Rep. Rob Teilhet of Smyrna, a rising star in the Democratic Party and a frequent political opponent of her ex-boss.

Teilhet acknowledges minor annoyances like that Barack Obama sticker on the refrigerator, but contends the couple’s political squabbling keeps their marriage interesting.

“We discuss issues at dinner every night,” she said. “We enjoy the debate. It makes for a more lively relationship.”

But it’s a fine line between sparks and friction in these hyperpartisan times.

“I know there are quite a few ‘mixed marriages’ that have showed that love will conquer all,” said Mijha Butcher, president of Young Democrats of Atlanta. “By the same token, I also know many folks, including myself, who couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with a Republican.”

On this, there is some bipartisan consensus.

“For me, it would be a deal-breaker,” said Republican voter Allen Williamson, a project manager for a software company who found his ideological soulmate after several relationships ended abruptly. Politics often were to blame.

“You’d go out, have a good time, and then politics would come up,” said the recently married Midtown resident. “Then all the sudden, you’re like a cancer.”

Some women he dated were disappointed to find out that Williamson’s bank account seemed to contradict his ideology.

“There were girls who felt misled,” he recalled. “They thought, because I’m a Republican, that I would have more money. I didn’t drive a BMW. That was a disappointment.”

Removing an inevitable bone of contention makes sense, said Williamson.

“It allows people to more efficiently use their time,” he said.

These days it’s all about compatibility, a millennial buzzword among singles no doubt influenced by those ubiquitous commercials for a popular online dating service.

“Compatibility will only get you so far,” said Bob Patterson, an Atlanta marriage counselor. “What actually attracts a person are the differences.”

Or is that just a romantic anachronism?

Beyond politics, niche dating sites for everyone from bikers to “Star Trek” fans are becoming more popular. Perhaps they want what Jerry Seinfeld found when his eponymous sitcom character finally popped the big question: “Now I know what I’ve been looking for all these years … myself! I’ve been waiting for me to come along and now I’ve swept myself off my feet.”

“Because of blogs and MySpace, people are much more out there with their opinions, much more upfront,” said Tony Jurich, a professor of marriage and family therapy at Kansas State University in Manhattan, Kansas. “But they don’t want conflict in their relationships.”

There’s little data on partisan coupling, though a Gallup survey commissioned four years ago by Match.com found 57 percent of participants open to marrying someone with distinctly different political views.

Party identification “is truly reflective of your inner values,” said David Singelyn, founder of Democratic Match (democraticsingles.net), based in Southern California. “If you really do know what’s going on, and you choose to be a Republican, it really does go to values. It spider-webs out into all aspects of a relationship. And I think people are learning that it’s pretty impossible to change someone.”

Perhaps, but without collaboration there can be no compromise. The Teilhets say they’ve changed each other’s minds on a few issues during their marriage, though not without vigorous debate.

“I’ve never understood people who wanted to be surrounded by ‘yes men,’ ” Rob Teilhet said. “People put themselves in these cocoons, and they miss out on so much. You know, it’s a very healthy thing to admit every now and then that you’re wrong.”

The sites’ growing popularity troubles Patterson, who said successful relationships can’t be engineered or focus-grouped.

“There is something magical that happens when you fall in love,” he said. “Certainly I understand the need for some compatibility in relationships. Exclusion is never a good idea. It’s not religion. It’s just politics.”

But to some, political affiliation reveals as much, if not more, about a person as their faith.

“I have a lot of passion in my beliefs,” said Jason Cecil, president of Georgia’s Young Democrats. He estimates “60 to 70 percent” of his friends would never consider dating a conservative. “We have a profound difference of beliefs with Republicans.”

Cecil, of Decatur, noted that active Republicans and Democrats typically travel in different circles. In Forsyth County, for example, nearly 90 percent of July primary voters requested a Republican ballot. Conversely, Democrats outnumber Republicans nearly 2-1 in the city of Atlanta.

“We tend not to go to the same bars, the same places, the same clubs,” said Cecil, a public health analyst with the Centers for Disease Control.

Such cultural Balkanization encouraged Christopher Cook to found Conservadate.com, based in Phoenix.

“When you’re single and Republican and live in Los Angeles, dating can be a challenge,” said Cook, who’s now married —- to a conservative. “Before they knew my politics, they’d be into me. Then I’d tell them I was a Republican, and they’d look at me as if I had tortured puppies. They’d be like, ‘Oh, and you seemed so nice.’ “

Even though he’s exploited the partisan divide with his dating service, Cook admits, “It’s too bad it’s necessary.”

Again, there’s consensus, though not without contradiction. Activists on the left and right say they want unity, but both sides are reluctant to make the first move.

“I think it’s dangerous, this hyperpartisanship,” Cecil said. “You almost begin to deny the humanity of the other party. There is a great desire to move away from that kind of thinking.”

Then again, he said, “I don’t see myself dating a Republican.”