"Not My Son, Not on Mother's Day."

The pleading title voices a parent's anguish to find that her son is addicted to drugs and alcohol.

A new tough-love book, it is a chronicle of a young man's decade journey from the streets to sobriety and spiritual wholeness and his mother's parallel journey into the pulpit.

Sugar Hill resident Theresa Dove-Waters was a single mom working at Georgia College and State University in Milledgeville in 1987, when she learned her son, Jeff Dove, then 17, was addicted to both alcohol and drugs. Now ordained as a United Methodist minister, Dove-Waters, 59, wrote and self-published the book detailing the painful period.

"[I thought] maybe it will help somebody else," she said. "Families should know this can happen to anyone."

The writing has down-to-earth advice and revealing details about drug addiction. It's a how-to manual on tough love.

It's too tough, in fact, for one potential reader. "It's too painful for me to read because I realize what all I put my mother through," said Jeff Dove, now 38. "I'm just grateful we're on the other side of it."

Dove-Waters has spent her career helping others. At Gainesville College and State University, she has been director of minority affairs and a faculty member for 20 years. She started and directs a two-year degree program for religious studies. Next year, she plans to retire with 22 years as a teacher and administrator with the University of Georgia System.

"I'm not preaching, but I see what I've done here at Gainesville as a ministry," she said. "I'm the unofficial chaplain. People, students and faculty, come talk to me."

Dove-Waters is also pastor at Allen Temple United Methodist Church in Buford. "She's a good speaker and teacher," said Buford native Jan Bennett, a lifelong member of the congregation. "She brings out all the important points in the Bible really well. Some people have a gift, and I think she was called to preach."

Gregarious and quick-witted, Dove-Waters laughs easily, often at herself. She tells the story of driving on I-985, heading to work, when she started telling God to bother someone else about serving him. She asked God to leave her alone and call instead her younger son.

"And I heard God say, 'I know all about you, I know all about Jeff, and I'm calling both of you to serve,' " she said. "I had been hearing the call for years and ignoring it. I finally decided to accept it."

She spent four years at the Chandler School of Theology at Emory, attending while working at Gainesville State. While in school, she was a student pastor at Cascade United Methodist in Atlanta.

And as she was changing her life, Dove-Waters said, Jeff was finding his.

Addiction led him from a 30-day treatment program at 17 back to his mother's house, where he earned a GED before joining the U.S. Army. Once discharged, he held various jobs —- some of them good jobs, his mother said —- but he always quit. Always there were drugs and excuses.

It wasn't until someone shot him that Jeff began to change. "I found new friends and got involved in the church," Dove said. "Through some of our worst pains, we can find our greatest victories."

Last year, while working in an African Methodist Episcopal church in Florida, Dove earned his bachelor's degree. He's in the process of applying to seminaries. Like his mother, he's going to become an ordained minister, "something I never thought would come to pass," he said.

As for Dove-Waters, she isn't sure what she will do after she retires. She and her husband, Lee Waters, had plans for their golden years, but he died four years ago. She may go full time into the ministry or work with families coping with drug addiction. "I know I have to make a decision," she said. "Maybe I will ask God to make it."

TIPS FROM THERESA DOVE-WATERS

> A parent who suspects his child is using drugs must become pro-active. The parent must take charge.

> Don't get caught up in denial, saying it's a "teenage thing and it will pass." It won't.

> Try drug testing to confirm your suspicions.

> Confront the situation and seek immediate help from a licensed counselor. If a child is doing drugs, it's a crisis situation.

> Practice tough love. Draw up a contract about what the child needs to do to continue living in your house. Stick to it.

> If counseling doesn't seem to be working, try a residential program. Health insurance now pays for treatment.

> Parents should draw strength from their spiritual communities and know they aren't alone. Others have faced such dire situations.

Copies of "Not My Son, Not on Mother's Day" may be purchased by calling call 1-888-795-4274. Paperbacks are $15.99; hardbacks are $24.99.