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Lithonia is like a family drama at Thanksgiving
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
In the continuing drama (or comedy, which appears to be the emerging reaction from the public) the Lithonia City Council , police and the mayor are still at it I think.
I’m not sure. I mean, every once in a while the mayor gets on TV and shows off her new bruise and claims a bunch of new stuff—dramatically delivering a very emotional but, sadly, boring view of whatever she was talking about.
This comes as no surprise to the people of Lithonia. Apparently there is a history. An April 25th article in the AJC noted that in 2005, newly elected councilwoman Linda Pruett complained that her neighbor blew leaves onto her yard.
She blew them back and the case was later settled in court—an example to the people of Lithonia as to how city leaders communicate to solve problems. Pruett’s nemesis, Doreen Carter was elected to the council in 2007 and they sit in each council session—and don’t speak.
This is starting to look like the family’s Thanksgiving dinner when Uncle Dewey brought his new girlfriend to meet the family. Her name was Jewel and she worked at a Café Erotica down near Byron, home of the second Atlanta International Pop Festival. I saw Jimi Hendrix there. My friend Skeet saw Jesus.
Well, anyway, Thanksgiving Day started out fine but went south when my other uncle, Uncle Bastogne, who drove a truck for J.W. Whitlock’s Lumber Emporium in Hiram, recognized Jewel and worse, Jewel recognized him and proceeded to go after him for apparently owing some back cash on some lap dances a few weeks back.
Uncle Dewey, who spent most of his time in the north Georgia region, never took to Uncle Bastogne because he thought he was French. In fact, one of my other uncles, Uncle Ricky Lee, told me that Uncle Bastogne’s name came from an argument that his mother and her alleged boyfriend had over how he was, well, brought into this world.
Uncle Ricky Lee said the argument contained a word very similar to Bastogne but according to Uncle Ricky Lee, Uncle Bastogne’s accused father couldn’t pronounce his word too well because he got his lips shot off during the war and nobody knew what the hell he was saying most of the time.
Well, eventually family ties prevailed and the uncles settled their differences over some Southern Comfort and an hour of roller derby on the UHF channel. Jewel ended up leaving with my Uncle Ricky Lee who later claimed to the judge that she tried to kill him by re-routing the exhaust line from the generator, located under the trailer, to the bedroom window so she could inherit his ceramic Elvis decanter and his pension check from Zayres.
Anyway, this feud in Lithonia now feeds off itself and apparently nobody is giving good advice to them. They don’t see that this has become a bad comedy and not something anyone is taking seriously. I would hate to write a check for city taxes because I would truly wonder what the hell I was getting for it. T
hey need to settle this and so I propose that if we can get Gary Coleman to finish up in divorce court, let’s move these people into Courtroom A and get it all out. They aren’t going to get along. Let’s get a ruling and finally decide who gets city hall. The mayor gets city hall on every other weekend and either Thanksgiving or Christmas but not both—whatever. Just end it.
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Crime & punishment
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Have you heard all of the radio ads for collection agencies? Sign of the times folks. We’ve actually had a good couple of weeks on theft and burglary numbers but the economic times will account for more thefts metro wide. It’s very important not to assume your GPS is okay in that car when it’s stuck to the window. If you take it out, wipe that little circle smudge left on the window by the suction cup. Believe me, it’s much less work than having to replace the GPS. The going rate:
$40 for a $300 GPS
$500 for a $2000 laptop
Believe me, at those prices, there’s a market for them. Don’ t be lazy.
Robbery
A man and woman said they agreed to meet a man who was interested in buying some jewelry from them for his wife. He wanted to meet them about 10:30 at night outside an apartment complex on Northridge Road. When they showed up, two men robbed them at gunpoint, fled to an older red Chevrolet Blazer and drove away. . T The loss was valued at over $6800. Regardless of what you’re selling but especially something as valuable as jewelry, don’t even think of making arrangements to meet at night like this. Meet at a public place where you’ll have people all around you.
Burglary
A woman reported that someone entered her apartment and did a good deal of vandalism to it instead of stealing from it. She thinks that it may be as a result of a recent argument with someone over a man. (Men—what would you do without us…don’t answer.)t.
Someone pried a sliding door and entered the victim’s apartment in the 1200 block of Jefferson Drive. Missing is a bottle of perfume.
Thefts
$4,000 cash was taken from a vase in victim’s house. The vase is used a hiding place, suspect is a relative.
A cabbie reported that a guy in a cowboy hat stiffed him for $37 in cab fare.
Someone took an AC unit from behind the Village Cobbler Store on Roswell Rd. The whole metro is experiencing a lot of thefts from AC units due to the high price for the copper they contain.
Forgery/Fraud/ID Theft
A woman reported that a man, whom she knows, took her checking account number, put it on fake checks, and then wrote five checks totaling just under $1000.
Someone opened an American Express Jet Blue Card account in the name of the victim, and then charged $4,800 on it.
The victim said that someone compromised her banking account and purchased almost $900 in items including flowers that were later delivered to a woman named Roneisha in Decatur. Although originally grateful, Roneisha is now upset at having been put into this situation.
Someone’s Going to Hell
A woman reported that while she was attending church services at 7770 Roswell Road, someone took her license and her Sam’s Club card from an office in the church.
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Time to take a breather, Rev. Wright
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Is this Reverend Jeremiah Wright on a roll or what?
He’s headed into retirement in a big way and he’s loving all this “in the spotlight” stuff. When you get older you can get away with “off the cuff” remarks but I’m thinking, and I’m sure Barack Obama would agree, his timing is bad.
Hillary must be loving it. I’m sure Barack’s security guys are out there right now collecting her trash looking for canceled checks to Wright.
Wright blasted FOX News and Sean Hannity saying, “His stupid fantasy will keep him forever stuck on stupid when it comes to comprehending how you can love a brother who does not believe what you believe.”
Wright’s comments on Hannity’s inability to love a brother who does not believe what you believe came at some point after he accused the U.S. Government of planting AIDS in the black communities—now that’s a different kind of love I guess. Besides, Hannity’s conspiracy theories are all related to hair products.
Wright called Thomas Jefferson a pedophile. (Jefferson’s attorneys had no comment at the time) and later, as if the reverend didn’t expect criticism of his comments, postured his response to say : ”The most recent attack on the black church, it is not an attack on Jeremiah Wright, it is an attack on the black church.”
Okay, look, I like offbeat characters. They’re one of the spices of life and I’ve seen a lot and dislike very few but I would guess the reverend is getting on our collective nerves a bit. Everyone has a theory about everything. I, for instance, believe that the early Pilgrims invented Armor All but I don’t think of it as a conspiracy.
It just made those buckle-shoes shine. The designated hitter rule? Yes. A conspiracy, but in comparison I don’t believe it had anything to do with pedophilia. See how simple life can be?
Most of us know how the cycle goes. All of the press is looking for the next Rev.Wright sound bite. “What will that kooky funster say now?” Those press people must be saying. Barack Obama used great patience in his first round of responses to Wright’s earlier comments by saying “I understand that he might not agree with me on my assessment of his comments. He is obviously free to express his opinion.
I’ve expressed mine very clearly. I think what he said on several instances was objectionable and I understand why the American people took offense.” Somehow I think Sen. Obama was hoping this polite response would be such that the reverend would read between the lines and take the advice that I think many people are now ready to give which is “Please Sir, it’s been interesting but it’s time to shut the (*&$%) up.
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Things you see (and don’t want to see) at midnight
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Nothing good happens after midnight—unless you’re working a beat car.
Then it’s prime-time.
Welcome to the morning watch.
The hours of 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. shift requires that you get less sleep on average than the other shifts. Court time cut directly into your sleep time and everyday daytime noises such as grass getting cut, dogs barking and in some neighborhoods, random gunfire, keep waking you up. If you can get by on 4-5 hours of sleep then this is the place for you.
Granted, I worked this shift many years ago back when the top grossing movie was “The Empire Strikes Back” and best music artist of the year was Christopher Cross proving that at least we had good taste in movies.
Things would start up right about the time you cleared roll call. The calls from the bars would start rolling in and on Friday and Saturday nights the regulars would kick it up in the clubs or at home after they closed.
One night I was working a beat in the Johns Creek area and looking forward to a slow night since all the action seemed to be going on south of my beat. As the night went on it stayed quiet until about 3 a.m. when I got a call to meet a woman who told the 911 operator that she found what she thought was a rape victim.
The beat car next to me also responded and we found the caller parked in the parking lot of a building up in what is now in the John’s Creek area. The woman said she was driving along the road and saw another woman lying on the side of the road.
She said the woman looked drunk or drugged up but thought that she had been raped and beat up. While the other officer spoke with her, I went to the car to check the condition of the victim. As I approached the car on the passenger’s side, I shined my flashlight and found the victim lying in such a position that her right leg was extended out of the front seat passenger’s window and her left leg was sticking out the passenger side rear window, your basic east-west and a full view of everything in between. I took one look and immediately recognized who this was. We’ll call him Lana. (Yes, him.)
Other than a cut on his head Lana looked O.K. Right about then the driver of the car walked over.
I tried to figure out some clever way to explain who this was but I couldn’t think of a thing so I just said “look” and let the flashlight do the rest. The young woman, having obviously adequate eyesight, gasped and pointed to the difference between her and him, all bunched up in cheap and now torn pantyhose.
Lana was a regular customer who had a fondness of dressing up in pantyhose and sexy outfits and going out for some fun. He had some rather impressive augmentation work done and in all fairness, in a dimly lit room or cab of a truck, Lana represented the other gender quite well.
Unfortunately Lana had a fondness of Quaalude that skewed his common sense in the area of what was and was not a good idea. On this night, Lana had gotten all dressed up and then picked up at a truck stop near Atlanta.
The date probably went well until somewhere around I-85 and, oddly enough, Beaver Ruin Road where the happy couple pulled over for some fun. The truck driver discovered what we call “The Fruit-Basket Surprise” and unfortunately for Lana, didn’t take it too well. Lana was left beat up by a now long-gone good old boy having some serious homophobic issues—a story I’m sure he took or will take to his grave. We thanked the young woman, now very confused, for her help and she was on her way, probably to therapy.
Although Lana didn’t do his / her thing every night there was always something to keep things lively and I miss some of that. I don’t miss the lack of sleep or the court but anyone coming into this profession should spend the first couple of years working nights
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View from the cop: Crack is wack
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My granddaughter celebrated her second birthday with a princess party. It wasn’t easy but I finally found a men’s size 44 princess costume and so off I went. Turns out the costumes were for the kids only—it was a bit awkward.
Anyway, on the way I stopped by the gas station / convenient store for about $50 worth of gas, about three-quarters of a tank or so. I walked in the store part of the gas station and literally could not find the cashier due to the clutter piled up on the checkout counter.
Apparently this store owner is big on the sales theory that if you pile everything up on the counter, it will have eye appeal since your eyes cannot see anything but the trinkets and other junk staring you in the face. If you are in the market for little NASCAR key chains, lighters with the Bud Girls on them, energy tablets, rolling papers, small energy bottles of who-knows-what, tiny elephant air fresheners, or other items of the personal enhancement category, then this is your flea market from heaven.
As I stood to pay for the gas on the gas pump didn’t want to take my card but had an insatiable curiosity about my zip code—over and over, I had the occasion to look at the little glass mirror display cabinet housing the tiny glass vase holding the cheap rubber and plastic flower. I noted to the clerk that the tiny glass vase looked suspiciously like a crack pipe. He smiled and said “Flower for your lady?”
“Do you smoke the flower or use it as a pipe cleaner between crack hits?”
He smiled and gave me that I-don’t-speak-English look although I just heard him talking on the phone with a thick Brooklyn accent.
“Seriously, it’s a crack pipe isn’t it?”
“No-No, it’s a small flower for your lovely lady.”
“If your lady is a crack head?”
“Ah Ha Ha—you make a joke!”
“Look the pipe—vase, has a hole on each end and a bubble down here on the bottom. See, you put the stem with the crack right here and then light it and then draw it to your mouth right here.”
“No-No—it’s a vase.”
“Okay, why won’t it stand up? It’s rounded off at the bottom and won’t stand up. What kind of vase won’t stand up?”
“Ah, ha ha—you make another joke.”
“Dude, your English was really good on the phone so I’m just asking, don’t you know this is a crack pipe?”
“It’s a vase.”
He had a look like he’s responded to this question a hundred times. He was on autopilot and as bad an actor as he was, he wasn’t going to say anything other than this crack pipe was a vase although he couldn’t look me in the eye.
I know that if or not these convenient stores sell crack pipes badly disguised as flower vases won’t have an impact on illegal drugs but it’s almost like they’re putting in your face. Put a sign on there saying “Crack Pipes” or maybe just don’t sell them.
Well, labeling crack pipes as crack pipes would make them illegal to sell so why not just get rid of them? How much money do they bring in? How do they monitor who buys them? Just get rid of them.
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I don’t think anyone called you jet lag. You just are feeling inadequate and wanted to try to boss someone around. Glad we could be here to help with your therapy. Hi Cindy? How about them Braves?... read the full comment by Fred | Comment on Lithonia is like a family drama at Thanksgiving Read Lithonia is like a family drama at Thanksgiving
oh. ok. I’m lost. carry on…... read the full comment by Cindy | Comment on Lithonia is like a family drama at Thanksgiving Read Lithonia is like a family drama at Thanksgiving
It wasn’t a joke. They want their chatroom back. I dont know why they called me. Just passing on the message.... read the full comment by jet lag | Comment on Lithonia is like a family drama at Thanksgiving Read Lithonia is like a family drama at Thanksgiving
I don’t get it. I’m sure if understood the myspace joke, I’d laugh…probable. :) Stone, I thought that was you posting in the other blogs too…I’ll have to go check, but I could’ve sworn I saw the name stone.... read the full comment by Cindy | Comment on Lithonia is like a family drama at Thanksgiving Read Lithonia is like a family drama at Thanksgiving