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Monday, February 19, 2007
When Urinals Talk
You can have your cake and eat listen to it too
New Mexico is putting 500 very special cakes in the urinals of some public restrooms in the state.
Oops, wrong cake
Sorry for that. Actually, the men’s room urinals will have those hockey-pucklike cakes of disinfectant known as urinal cakes. But what’s special about these urinal cakes is that they have audio messages.
The motion activation triggers a recorded voice inside the urinal cake to blurt out messages that are intended to get the guy standing there to think twice before driving drunk.
You’re in for a lecture
The message, delivered in a woman’s voice says: “Hey, big guy. Having a few drinks? Think you have one too many? Then it’s time to call a cab or call a sober friend for a ride home.”
And it ends with a not-so-subtle: “Remember, your future is in your hand.”
It does not specify which hand, but I’m guessing it’s not the one that’s either in your pocket or picking your nose.
Women spared the lecture
There is no female equivalent to the talking urinal cake, and part of the reason is that men account for nearly four in five of the drunk driving convictions in New Mexico.
But we here at The Blogaroni also believe that a talking toilet bowl in a woman’s public restroom wouldn’t work because women have learned to hover far enough away from their target to render the motion detector useless.
A new golden era of communication?
We here at The Blogaroni heartily applaud (what is the sound of one free hand clapping?) the talking urinal cake experiment. And we look forward to the day when the use of this new technology spreads, trickling its way into all sorts of messages to its captive audience.
Ten other messages we’d like to see on talking urinal cakes …
1. Hey, take it easy, you’re chipping the porcelain!
2. Go ahead, do it! Everybody else does. Why should you be any different! Ah, I’ve got to get a new job … Ahh! … Ahh! … Ahh! …
3. Be extra careful, Big Guy. They’re out of paper towels and the hand blower broke last week.
4. Honk if you love refried beans.
5. (sung in an imitation of the pop singer Prince) “Yellow rain, Yellow Rai-aaain …”
6. Hey, it’s you again. I never forget a face.
7. Would you like to save time and cut out the middle man? If so, instead of going out there and drinking another beer, just toss me $3.
8. Can you do me a favor? Somebody dropped a very big diamond pinkie ring, and it’s really bugging me. Can you reach under me and remove it? You can keep it … That’s it, just fish your fingers under me and … Psych! …. Nyah, nyah! … Fooled you! … Oh, yeah! … You’ve been punk’d by a urinal cake! … Dum, dum, dum, dum. Another one bites the dust. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Another one bites the dust …
9. Hey, buddy, either you’re trying to impress me with your knowledge of Morse Code, or you ought to get somebody to examine that prostate.
10. Got milk?
