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Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Politically biased ice cream
With nuts on top
Stephen Colbert has been honored with his own flavor of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream, a fitting tribute to a brilliant comedian who spins a sweet concoction of Faux-Reilly nonsense on Comedy Central.
The flavor, Stephen Colbert’s All Americone Dream, is vanilla ice cream with fudge-covered waffle cone pieces and caramel.
Ben & Jerry’s, keeping in the spirit of Colbert’s self-congratulatory patriotic patois, characterized the new flavor as “the sweet taste of liberty in your mouth.”
Colbert welcomed his flavor as a nod toward the political right after a string of leftist flavors (Cherry Garcia, Wavy Gravy, Phish Food).
“I’m not afraid to say it. Dessert has a well-known liberal agenda,” Colbert said in a statement. “What I hope to do with this ice cream is bring some balance back to the freezer case.”
Other conservative flavors on the horizon?
We here at The Blogaroni would like to help in developing future bloviator-inspired flavors to bring that political balance back. Here’s some ideas we’ve come up with so far …
Pecan Coulter
Nuts, nuts, and more nuts make this low-fat flavor seem so, so … out of this world.
You’d be “stupid” not to eat it.
Hannity-n-Cream
Appealing to look at, yet so lightweight and empty once you penetrate the fudge exterior.
An amazing, nearly vaporous blend of marshmallows, air, cotton candy, and still more air, make this a flavor seems like you’re eating nothing at all.
Viagra Chip Ditto Dough
Inspired by Rush Limbaugh, this new ice cream flavor is just the prescription for whatever ails you.
It’s more than an ice cream. It’s a powerful gift from God that’s right for every occasion. Available in quart, pint and gelcap sizes.
Scarborough Monkey Country
Some will say it’s an imitation of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey flavor, but there’s something about Scarborough Monkey that is different, and its not just the tasteless shreds of real American flag fibers gratuitously added to the banana mix.
Blue Dobbs
You’ll want to fence yourself off from the rest of the world once you tear into this new flavor.
It features lots of yummy artificial coloring, and a subtle language of flavor that’s all its own.
Rocky Rogue
The ice cream with Bill O’Reilly on the carton. What do you mean you don’t like it? Shut up! I said, Shut up! Shut up!
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