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DEL.ICIO.USWhat’s Appropriate Table Behavior for Your Child?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
WHAT’S A KID TO DO? What table behaviors are appropriate when you’re dining out?
Photo: Charlotte B. Teagle/AJC
I’ve made no secret of the fact that I have an 11-year-old daughter, and that she dines out with me from time to time. Sometimes it’s just the two of us, other times it’s with my entire family. Since I got married, it’s often the three of us.
As she’s gotten older, she doesn’t need as much attention at the table and is often as much a part of the dinner conversation as the adults around her. But sometimes she needs a distraction, especially if it’s a long meal where things aren’t arriving from the kitchen promptly.
I’ve been adamant about laying down the law of what’s appropriate and what’s not at a dinner table: no Nintendo playing, no reading — I think both of these encourage anti-social behavior because she can avoid making conversation, which is a skill that needs to be honed by taking part. And conversation should be as much a part of dining as eating.
But I’m fine with her bringing puzzles or gamebooks filled with crosswords and word searches. Our favorite is hang man. Games allow her to interact with other people at the table yet let her feel she’s doing something she wants to do — and it helps pass the time for her. Of course, bringing a friend along at her age is a nice solution to her possibly getting bored, too.
What types of things do you allow your children to do at the table when you are dining out? What do you feel is appropriate? What isn’t?
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By MomsRule
October 22, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
At 9 and 12, “activities” are no longer required while dining out. We converse as a family (just like at home). Prior to our current stage, coloring and activity books were the norm and they normally involved Mom and Dad drawing and playing along as well.
There is one particular establishment we frequent, a neighborhood, family gathering type of place where they may partake in some video games and can even bring their own portable game systems. Usually this is a more of a social event and includes other kids and families we know as well. Its never one child with their nose buried in a game, its normally one child playing and 2, 3 or 4 huddled around conversing about how to get here or there or a better strategy or something.
By new mom
October 22, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this
I don’t know if this is too ‘young’ of an activity for an 11 yr old, but I just saw something in the MindWare catalog that looks interesting. It’s called “Dinner Games” and says it’s for 5-12 yrs old.
It’s a little box that holds cards of games, and looks small enough to tuck into a purse (kinda like a small file box) The description: “Quick, easy-to-play games add fun to family meals” It’s $15.95. Maybe that would help get some conversations started, and be fun for everyone, not just the kids. I love that company, they specialize in “brainy toys for kids of all ages” www.mindware.com
By amanda
October 22, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this
By age 9 — No Games or Books Allowed whether at home (table) or Dining out. Instead you talk softly and listen to what other table members have to say, observe other diners, etc. If we are eating on the couch at home, games, TV, etc. are all allowed.
By Active Duty Mom
October 22, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this
Bringing activities to the table is appropriate for pre-school aged children, provided they have been taught how to behave in a restaurant in the first place. Otherwise, it is more appropriate for the parents to hire a babysitter, which my husband and I did with our children when they were toddlers and pre-school aged until they demonstrated that we could all go out to eat as a family at a family restaurant without trouble. Yes, this costs money, but it is not fair to other diners for children to be running around and/or hollering. However, if one of our kids did act up (which happened a couple of times early on), either my husband or I promptly removed them from the restaurant and took them outside until they cooled down. At the age of 11, a child should have been taught that it is good manners to politely participate in the conversation at the table. More often than not, when my kids were school-aged, if my husband and I knew that there would not be other school-aged children for our kids to talk with (notice I did not say play with, since a restaurant is no place for children to play unless there is a playground attached to the restaurant where a child can go to play) or if it were a restaurant where we knew the service would be very slow (most sit-down restaurants in Europe), then we would either go alone and hire a sitter or if we could not find a sitter, then we would decline the invitation, especially if we knew other senior officers from our duty station would be dining at the restaurant.
By Sugar
October 22, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
Absolutely NO electronics during meal times. This includes, cell phones, games, television, radio, etc. However, when the kids were little, we would get the crayons and stuff to color on while waiting on our food. But we don’t do that anymore, as we hardly eat out, and the kids are getting older.
It’s family time, and that’s when we talk. No matter where we are, no matter what we are eating, we sit at the dining room table as a family and talk.
By Sugar
October 22, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this
I would also like to add, the kids set the table every night. We put the napkins in our laps; forks, spoons and knives are used (no fingers, unless finger food is served). No talking with food in your mouth. You may not leave the table until everyone is finished eating, then you asked to be excused. If you don’t like what is being served, you still have to sit at the table.
When you need something from the table, you must ask for it to be passed. “Would you please pass the mashed potatos”?
By bonny
October 22, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this
I have a daughter 18 and a step son 21 and we have attempted the “family night” thing. The trouble is that the boy has no table manners! he says that he doesn’t care what other people think, that he will never see them again but his conversations can become obnoxious and rude. I can’t enjoy my dinner when listening to him talk about bodily functions or other nasty things. I have told him that he isn’t just bothering the people around us but us too!! I can’t seem to get him to understand this so basically he is out of the family night functions when the public is involved. oh well, he’s too old to punish other than the fact that he has caused himself to miss out on dinner out!!
By momof2
October 22, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this
I have two children 12 and 6 and we eat outside the home about once a week. The rules are the same as at home: no bouncing in the chairs, no chewing with your mouth open, napkin in your lap, use your fork not your fingers, and no loud talking or other noises. My children aren’t perfect but most of the time they behave more appropriately than the other adult diners. My children do not scream into a cell phone, do not constantly get up from the table, do not wave their hands in the air and snap their fingers to get the servers attention, or any of the other annoying habits I see a lot of adults display. (My 6 year old even asks “Why is that man acting bad, Mama?” I tell her that he doesn’t have manners and doesn’t have respect for other people.) I have actually had several servers from the establishments we frequent that they prefer waiting on our “family table” than waiting on a table with two couples! Of course, my 20% tip every time probably helps ; )!
By Super Dad
October 22, 2008 3:11 PM | Link to this
We let our kids be kids at all times. This is the only time in their lives that they won’t have to follow rules. We believe this approach will encourage independent free thinkers - not a new batch of human-bots going through the motions of life.
By bwhaaa
October 22, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this
super dad you are an idiot. Yes, learning to obey your parents and not being a complete nuisance to other people and being a good dining partner in the future are all terrible byproducts of table manners for children. They can still grow up to question the authority of church and government if they like. You sir are the one not giving the tools necessary for them to function in society.Your children will be uncouthe savages unable to access higher education to even question authority because of their barbarism. I am sure Martin Luther, Isaac Newton, and Darwin were all taught to behave at a dinner table. Idiot.
By Jim
October 22, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this
Super dad will be supporting his kids when they are WELL into their 30’s!
By Super Dad
October 22, 2008 5:17 PM | Link to this
We make allowances when we go out to eat. We make sure we eat on the patio and away from other patrons when we go out. That way the restuarant can wash the area we ate in. Also, we leave a tip appropriate to what ever clean up is required.
This is just a child raising method we are trying - not something we are pushing on others.
By Mark
October 22, 2008 5:23 PM | Link to this
My parents were manner nazis when I was a kid. Hold your fork this way, put you napkin on your lap, no talking, finish everything on your plate, or you will sit there until you do. Eat the corn on the cob in this direction, get your elbows off the table, etc. Know what? It didn’t work. I’m 52 now and I eat as I please. I’m a slob. So all you idiots out there playing manner nazi, quit wasting your time.
By Truth Be Told
October 22, 2008 5:56 PM | Link to this
I don’t know if this is too ‘young’ of an activity for an 11 yr old, but I just saw something in the MindWare catalog that looks interesting. It’s called “Dinner Games” and says it’s for 5-12 yrs old.
Oh my, are you joking? Even my 4 year old knows there are no “games” while dining at home or in a restuarant. Playtime is for the gameroom or the park, not the dinner table. Manners & social grace need to be taught to your family!
By Truth Be Told
October 22, 2008 6:31 PM | Link to this
My parents were manner nazis when I was a kid. Hold your fork this way, put you napkin on your lap, no talking, finish everything on your plate, or you will sit there until you do. Eat the corn on the cob in this direction, get your elbows off the table, etc. Know what? It didn’t work. I’m 52 now and I eat as I please. I’m a slob. So all you idiots out there playing manner nazi, quit wasting your time.
That’s okay, Mark … there’s a wayward sheep in most families. Ironically, homeless shelters don’t mind those without manners. I’m sure you feel right at home!