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Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Un-RSVPing and other manners disasters
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I know I said I’d come to your party, but something’s come up: a better offer. Image from research.soe.purdue.edu
A.H. writes in with a pretty egregious case of manners gone bad. What would you do if this happened to you?
” I LOVED your etiquette column and had to write to tell you that I agree with all yours — especially inappropriate behavior towards service personnel, including custodians, servers, cab drivers, etc. Too many think they are above these hard-working individuals.
“My other favorite was dominating a conversation. How many times have I been at a party or on the phone and the other person never asks about me or tries to one up me with their problems, etc.? My other pet peeve is not replying to an invitation or replying “yes” and not showing (even when an actual seat has been set aside for you). I think this has gotten so out of hand!
“I have to share a quick story with you. A few years back I was hosting a party for a group from church. Of course, half had not replied as of a few days before the party, so I starting calling those individuals.
“One woman said her family would be coming. Well…the day before the party, she actually called me and said that her family had received another invitation for that evening and she would be attending that party because her son would know more people at that party and enjoy himself more.
“I still have a hard time being nice to her! UGH!”
S.B.’s take? A.H. has a big heart indeed, to continue showing kindness in the face of such a social affront.
Read on:
Manners don’t cost a thing, you know. Image from nnlm.gov.
WWD reports the New York Times launches a new etiquette column in its Sunday Styles section later this month.
Penned by blue-blood Renaissance man Philip Galanes (a Yale grad who has worked as an entertainment laywer, has written two novels and “dabbles” ininterior design), the column sounds like a beacon of propriety in our ever-coarsening age.
I look forward to reading it. I hate to tell you this, but I witness cringe-inducing lapses in etiquette all the time. Some of the worst (and most common) offenses, in my opinion:
Acting imperiously toward hard-working professionals who work as servers, valets or housekeepers. This includes failing to tip valets or bartenders. Shabby.
Monopolizing conversations to the point others feel uncomfortable or unwelcome. Shameful.
Keeping guests, friends or business associates waiting (when there’s no traffic calamity or otherwise understandable element to blame). Tiresome.
Disrupting (or allowing a child to disrupt) a concert, movie, worship service, performance or other event where other patrons and the people they’ve come to see are all cheated by the distraction. Boorish.
Failing to write a thank-you note after receiving a gift or the gift of hospitality. Unforgiveable.
And the worst possible offense? Buttering an entire roll or buttering it with a communal butter knife. Place an amount on your bread plate, then butter each bite. All right, so maybe that’s not exactly an unpardonable sin, but S.B. has unpleasant memories of having her little hand smacked at the table for committing a butter infraction as a child.
Good manners are free. Why do they sometimes seem in such short supply?
Update!
