Social Butterfly

By Gwendolyn

May 30, 2008 7:35 PM | Link to this

Growing up near Columbus, Ms must be a predisposition for style and grace as well as having attended finishing school. Absolutely, do not send Evites, they are tasteless. Convenience is relevant, therfore one must be prepared to utilize planning and organizational skills.

By Karia

May 30, 2008 9:10 PM | Link to this

I guess I’m a rude hick, as are all my friends. We use evites for everything, and love them. I can’t imagine anyone in my family or circle of friends being offended by one. And before you think I’m some 20 year old technology addict, I’m actually nearly 40. I had a party today, as a matter of fact, and had only communicated via email with one of the guests that came. Our group laughed about that fact. I wouldn’t use an Evite for something like a wedding, but for small events and kids’ gatherings, I think they’re great. They send free reminders and we aren’t cluttering up people’s homes with more paper.

The times, they are a’changing…

By lo

May 30, 2008 9:25 PM | Link to this

While I will admit that it is nice to have a tangible invite, especially when beautifully printed on heavy stock, I do agree with Karia that evites are more convenient and we don’t need to be wasting more paper for something that will soon be tossed in the trash. Some may hold onto classic etiquette, but we need to evolve those standards to meet with ever changing times. Besides, that’s how progress is made, right?

By Noelle

May 31, 2008 12:03 AM | Link to this

I’ll take an evite and will not be offended - times have changed. Send me an invitation and I may never read it.

By Laura

May 31, 2008 12:08 AM | Link to this

Evites cut down on the clutter, and they are never misplaced. More important: Evites are much less “tasteless” for the environment—think of the paper wasted, the fuel expended. In schools now, our children and their families are encouraged to go electronic, when possible, out of respect to our environment. With their attunement to these issues, the kids today would not find a disdain for Evites quaint, but more likely, irresponsible.

By Voice of Reason

May 31, 2008 7:45 AM | Link to this

Evites are nice, cheap (free) and convenient to send. But I do feel they are not a truly “proper” way to invite someone to something. Knowing me, I’d probably send the Evite as a save-the-date, then follow-up with something in the mail. Oh well.

Evites did come in handy the other day, though. Someone who owes me $5,000 had the nerve to invite me to a party. I wrote them a note via their personal email. But I also used the Evites reply section basically saying “sure I’ll come, as soon as you two do what’s right. You betrayed our friendship.” I actually created a little poem. (These are people who LIVE in church, but aren’t Christian enough to honor their promises to fellow Christians.) Somehow, when I checked back, I had been disinvited. Hmmm…I wonder wha’ happun? :-) LOL!!!!!

By sandy

May 31, 2008 7:45 AM | Link to this

Evites are NOT for Weddings or other very formal events, but for most parties/gatherings, they are perfect!!! Invitations waste paper, money, gas, and space at my desk. I hate them for ordinary events! I have even been e-vited to baby showers…no problem, in my view. I value practicality. I guess the only event I would say NO to using an e-vite for is a wedding, though I would feel kinda bad about using it for some other very important/formal events. A time and place for everything…but to say that e-vites should never be used is horrific, in my opinion. I would say “Get over yourself”, but that guy is paid to act that way, so more power to him, but—people, use your heads here.

By Liha

May 31, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

I think Evites are fantastic timesavers and papersavers. For a casual party, Evite all the way. For weddings, showers, birthdays, etc. I like the “keepsakeness” of a printed invite.

By Atlanta Pearl Girl

May 31, 2008 9:10 AM | Link to this

Being an Atlanta Native and true Southern Gal… the art of sending an invitation is being ‘lost’. One of the treasures of sending invitations through mail, is the process of thought that went into the invite.

Hand written thank-you notes are also a HUGE tradition that was passed down to me. I have probably, oh…about 50 or more sets of stationary (I also have a PEN fetish ::looking sheepish::::). Sending just the ‘right’ invite or thank-you note is an art form.

By Old School

May 31, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

I personally find Evites tacky. The only way I would send Evites is if the party is of an “online” kind. For a “real life” party, I send “real life” invitations. But I realize I’m “old school” and am glad that I am.

By respondez silvousplait

May 31, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

Everything evolves. It’s not a question of “tacky” or “tasteless.” Except in the minds of effete snobs. In this instance combined with a Luddite mentality. These phonies who disdain the current method of message sending are invited to drive to me via horse & buggy and settle our dispute with dueling pistols.

By Mister Snob

May 31, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

Yes, I am a snob and proud of it. I have a spacious home, an immaculate automobile, and abundant liquid assets. I AM better than loser-paupers and wouldn’t dream of inviting humans to my soirées if they were NOT offended by these so-called e-vites.

By Monsewer Snob

May 31, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

To describe what you really are, Snob, just take the ‘n’ out of your name.

By R2D2

May 31, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Any “man” who would dither over this etiquette & protocol nonsense is obviously a fanny bandit.

By GirlfromtheSouth

May 31, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

The technological improvements that have been made over the years are appreciated. However, I will not use Evites. My mother insisted that invitations were proper, thank you notes were ALWAYS handwritten and grown folks were not called by their first names. Those little pearls have been with me all these years (40 plus) and I am passing them down to my daughter. The handwritten form is a lost art. Let’s keep some things sacred.

By Jana

May 31, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

I have never sent an evite and feel a nice invitation seems more personal, and certainly shows more thought. However, it has become increasingly difficult to get people to respond to the RSVP requests. Therefore, I now use e-response on my printed invitations, hoping that an acceptance or regret will be more readily forthcoming if it can be e-mailed. Yes, times they are a’changin, and not necessarily for the better, but perhaps more convenient in today’s world.

By tmjm3714

May 31, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

A few weeks ago I attended a wedding where the bride and groom opted to send out very simple announcement-style invites to everyone that directed us to RSVP, get directions, etc. from their wedding website. To the best of my knowledge, nobody was offended by this. Besides, if they would have sent out the traditional wedding invitation, I likely would have lost the RSVP and direction cards anyway :)

I wouldn’t be offended by an evite, I think for birthday parties, baby showers, etc. they’re appopriate. Some things don’t need a mail invite.

By Modern

May 31, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

Some of you people need to sit around watching black & white tv. What a non-issue. The only thing worse than your refusal to join the 21st century is your smug, faux-superior attitude.

By Christina

May 31, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

I absolutely use Evites, and as a professional meeting and event planner I see nothing wrong with that.

Of course there are exceptions - I would use an evite for a wedding shower, but not the wedding. I would send a paper “save the date” for a corporate event, and follow that with an evite.

By Realist

May 31, 2008 11:04 PM | Link to this

All of these old farts refusing to embrace the times will be dead soon and this will be a non-issue.

By sty

May 31, 2008 11:55 PM | Link to this

Everyone’s going Green Folks, stop wasting paper..

By KJ

June 1, 2008 1:37 AM | Link to this

And here I thought the only pastimes in Mississippi were gambling and obesity.

I guess we can add “obsess over ridiculous outdated social customs” to that list.

By seldomseen

June 1, 2008 2:42 AM | Link to this

forget the mail. Send me an evite. I get enough snail mail, most of which I never read or prefer not to. Send me an evite so I can reply with yes/no/maybe and add it to my online calendar so I can schedule a reminder sent to my cell phone. Snail mail will get thrown away. Forget perception.

By Bob

June 1, 2008 8:02 AM | Link to this

If people want tot be “proper,’ the word is “invitation,” not “invite.”

A truly formal event (Wedding, Baptism, Confirmation, Bar/Bat-Mitzvah…) should have at least one, cellulose based invitations. Follow up electronics correspondence is/are fine; however, the audience must be taken into consideration. (80 year old Aunt Sally might not use a PDA.)

The Cotillion Set lives in a different world. In defense of Tony Brewer, that’s probably where he lives. In that world, standing on ceremony is stressed over the practical for many things.

For the rest of the world, electronic invitations are probably OK for non format events. It can be a problem when dealing with Cotillion Set “Wannabes,” who think that a party at their house has some resounding cultural and social significance beyond friendship and camaraderie.

You have no right to not be offended. If you don’t like it, don’t attend.

By e-failsafe

June 1, 2008 8:21 AM | Link to this

shouldn’t it be “e-vite”? Evite doesn’t read correct with the pronounciation, morons.

What a bunch of e-dopes.

By Babs

June 1, 2008 8:26 AM | Link to this

Evites are great for everything except formal occasions like weddings. My social calendar is full and I appreciate being able to log into evite to see what I have coming up. Also, evite politely sends me a reminder two days before the event. Very convenient. I can understand why older people don’t like it though. They aren’t appreciative of technology like younger generations.

By Judy

June 1, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

I just got a thank you e-mail from a birthday party my daughter attended that was addressed to all the participants. I thought it was incredibley tacky. I still have my kids write their own thank you notes for their gifts. While I don’t mind the evites for casual get togethers such as my friend’s annual Christmas cookie exchange party, I think there is something to be said about receiving an actual invitation in the mail.

By Charles

June 1, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

Evites are considered a bad thing for the Liberal/Socialist minded because it doesn’t support big government (the Postal Service) while the environmentalists applaud it for ‘saving the forest’ (but abhor the ‘carbon units’ used to produce them). To a Conservative and intelligent thinkers it would seem making things simpler and less costly (by email) would be the logical solution. But when you want things more complicated in your life the Democratically-minded will push for it for the ‘common good’.

Welcome back to the U.S.S.R :)

By clg

June 1, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

For those folks who will write big checks and haven’t notice gas prices have gone up e-vites may seem tacky. For the rest of us $0.42 or more saved per invite makes since! I feel evites are great for everything except formal occasions like weddings. Perhaps those who disagree should mail in your response.

By tc

June 1, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this

Evites work fine…those who hate them have too much free time to be concerned about such things.

By Social Butterfly

June 1, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

I knew we’d hear from the elegant and proper Atlanta Pearl Girl on this one! And she raises an important follow-up topic: the thank-you note.

My favorite book of etiquette, a 1940s-era Emily Post, instructs that a phone call, followed by a handwritten note, is the correct response to hospitality. S.B.’s a TYN fan from way back: one of my earliest memories is sitting with my sister at the kitchen table, copying the thank-you notes our mother had written to friends or relatives after we’d received a gift or visited someone.

Is it ever O.K. to send a thank-you email? Does a phone call suffice? Is anyone out there old-school enough to blanch at thank-you notes with “Thank You” printed on them?

By Rufus

June 1, 2008 5:30 PM | Link to this

That wouldn’t work today, social butterfly. Phone calls mean something different today than they did in the 40’s. People dont want to be bothered. We hate having to talk and say, “how R U”. “I’m Good” “Good, How R U.” “Good” “Good” So…..

It’s simply too much.

By David

June 1, 2008 5:33 PM | Link to this

E-vites are informal, and as such should be used for informal events, like a backyard barbecue, a play date for children, or something of that matter. If the event is formal, say a wedding, or a fund raiser where big checks are expected, you should send a tangible invitation. The same principle applies for thank you notes. When in doubt, go with the tangible.

By MOT

June 2, 2008 12:51 AM | Link to this

Sorry, call me crass, but yes I have used evites when as a mom of 10, grandmother of 13, and a student RN I desired to give my niece a baby shower and include many from across the country, and the niece herself in a different state, I used the evites and online to start a shower game to involve all, and begin the long distance fun and involvement for those that couldn’t be there in person. Also due to my time constraints during a time of my life when school had to be #1 to study and pass my weekly tests with an 80 or better, and still be able to be there for my sister and her daughter. The evites worked wonders for all of that AND in getting RSVP’s which seem to be all but impossible with hard copy invites in this day and age, especially with the younger crowd.

Of course real invitations for the bigger events: weddings, formal affairs of any sort.

And of course REAL handwritten thank you notes EVERYTIME—-NEVER an excuse for electronic thank yous, unless one is literally dying and can’t manage any other way.

But loosen up on the judgment of using evites for non-formal affairs—-nothing tacky or chintzy— they just save time, stress, in some cases give extra time and allows for extra participation because they are faster, they decrease our “footprint”—-no wasted paper, no wasted fuel delivering our invitations, etc.

By Tanya

June 2, 2008 8:16 AM | Link to this

The color of the GREEN earth, not money or etiquette, should matter most. Although I would not send one for a wedding/birth announcement.

By ATL Event Planr

June 2, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

I love using e-vites for casual events, but I believe the point Mr. Brewer was trying to make is that for fundraisers/galas, and events where theres formality involved (weddings,special birthdays, mitzvah celebrations, etc…)-use a paper invite. I know I love getting an invite in the mail…its much more elegant and exciting than clicking my inbox!!! If you are so concerned about the environment, use soy ink on recycled paper.

I’ve dabbled in some of the ‘old atlanta’ fundraising circles (as a planner) and the general rule s that if you are asking form someone to write a check then you send them a paper invitation. Now if this crowd also happens to be in the under 50 age group, you certainly follow up with an email invite.

And you always always always write Thank you notes-not just for tax purposes for those donations but to thank the for coming. And if its a sponsor or a donor who has given extra $$, you ALSO write a HANDWRITTEN note!

By Atlanta Pearl Girl

June 15, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

I really prefer sending hand written invitations. We have a yearly Christmas Party called “Elves, Martini’s & Merriment”. I have people who keep the invite on their frig until the next year because it has meant so much to them that it’s hand made & hand written. Evites are fine for ‘book club’.

By Bouge75

June 15, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Send me an evite, e-reminder, e-thank you, e-greeting card, etc for anything informal. I get enough junkmail. When I do receive these pretty little cards, invitations, etc that costs an arm and a leg, I feel bad when I put them in the trash after the event. If I kept every card and invitation I ever received, my house would look like a post office.

Times are changing and the etiquette rules should change as well. As long as I receive a “thank you” or someone rsvp’s to my evite, I could care less that it was done electronically.

By Anne

June 15, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

I’ve used E-vite once to invite all the 250 plus people in my place of employment to a retirement party which I was charged with organizing. It was a useful tool to get the info out without spending $$$ on a formal mailing, addressing of envelopes, postage. The money that it saved was spent on the festivities.

But, for personal things, etc., I always use the USPS and hand written or printed invitations.

Hey, I’m a “W” girl. Anybody from Columbus MS or the environs know what that means?